Well, I guess I was one who suggested some rest or time out. People who suggest those thoughts of things mean well. I don't believe it's totally unrealistic. I think that sometimes people can see the weight being carried and if they put themselves in the other person's shoes then they feel they might not be able to manage.

I actually don't know everyone's personal situation or whether there are other relatives or friends or support networks available to each and every one of you all. I do know though that when I was in situations where I did urgently need some rest there was no-one available to give it and to complicate matters I didn't know where to look for it or ask for it plus I'm not good at asking for help anyway. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

It might sound unrealistic to suggest that a person who is giving 100% of themselves to care for another or others gets some rest or 'me' time, but sometimes we just have to. In a situation that I was in, I figure I would have died otherwise from physical and emotional fatigue, ill health and burnout.

Taking a bath is excellent 'me' time (although some people might only have a shower). Try some epsom salts in the bath and it'll be very relaxing. Light a candle even... Try essential oil burners. Try Rescue Remedy.

There are also some excellent relaxation cds available these days and of course there's the old relaxation exercize where you lie down and close your eyes and tense then release the muscles starting at the tippy toes and going allll the way slowly but surely through each muscle group until you get to the head. Can be done really slowly or can be done faster, but after it's done then it's a re-charge for a bit longer. All of those things can be restful or 'me time'. Doesn't have to be for hours... can just be for 10 minutes. The benefits last much longer though I've found.

((Lara)) I certainly didn't mean that as slam to you! You are right! Rest and me time are the only tools we have to help cope. I was more laughing at my doctors, friends and family who keep telling me I need a vacation. Me time, a bath, listening to a song as loud as I can and singing along just as loud, reading a book while he sleeps... those are my -me times. A vacation? It IS what I truly need... but it isn't going to happen. When these people say you need a vacation!! I say ok! You watch Lynn and I will go! LOL yeah that is not going to happen, and that is why I have to laugh.

Sandy and Tammy... sigh....... I am so far from where you are now. I USE to enjoy caring for Lynn in the same way you both care for your dear husbands. I considered it an honor and I did it with love in my heart. The difference is you still have your DH's minds. Mine no longer knows who I am..... he is abusive.... and this stranger who has taken over my husband.. I do not love. My husband is truly dead to me.... I am a married widow, married to a ghost... facing this was among the hardest thing I have ever done.... sigh. Hang on tightly to them Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers Nikki

(((Lara))) I knew what you meant and saw what you saw, but see!...the written word can be misleading.

Of course we all mean well. And yes, we all have to take time for ourselves or we simply would fall apart at the seams.

I keep my bathroom stocked with epsom salts and candles.

(((Everyone)))