for Tamiloo...

everyone's right... a *slow* withdrawal from pain medication, or lowering of dosage, or you risk worse, and probably right now isn't such a good time to be trying big reductions. if you're still hurting bdly, you clearly still need the medicine.

(((((Tammy))))) Got that overwhelming feeling eh? Zanax does help. Go ahead, I'll pop one with you.

hey hun, missed this one...but wanted to catch up and send you HUGSSSSSSS

hugss dear, sorry about the pain, neurontin works for me, daily and still functional...maybe something else would work better for you. I had tried lyrica, and wow...high as a kite and not functional easily on it, even after giving it time...so got off that...now on neurontin and helps a LOT.

hugssss,sarah

Tammy I could have written that. Care giving is the single hardest job I have ever had to do. Caring for Mom is easier than caring for Lynn in many ways, the most important being that she doesn't have Alzheimer's and knows who I am. She is being grumpy and a bit difficult, but as I keep telling my family, how would you feel if you knew you were dying? Cut her some damn slack.

I was wondering the other day, when I hurt my back lifting her, do you have to do this with your DH? I sure hope not! I can't remember do you have any help coming in to aid you? Mom is being just as stubborn as Lynn about not allowing "out siders" to come in and help her. It makes it so hard on the family, but I imagine they just can't see that. I sure can!

You know I had to smile at your post.... I am thinking you are frustrated with your pain in much the same way I am. It gets in the way of your care giving. I have to laugh when people tell me to take a break, go on vacation, make time for me. In a dream world, this would work... but reality is when you are needed 24/7 there is no room for you. There just isn't.

My baths are my only escape. ((BMW)) sent me some calgon and other goodies... you should have heard me laugh when I opened that box!!! Such a perfect gifty Do you have any thing like you can do to "escape" for a little bit each day? It is such a simple thing, but it does help. I keep waiting for calgon, or a cowboy to take me away

Thinking of you Tammy

People tell me this all the time but it's not a reality for me either. First, Jim requires 24/7 care and leaving him for a hour just to get a haircut or get groceries is stressful because I am always worried what if something happens. Plus, I enjoy his company so much that going places without him feels strange. Going out with the girls as I am always told I should do doesn't appeal to me either. I did that back in the day and I guess getting older changes one's perspective about things. Maybe the fact that I almost lost him once plays a part in my thinking, who knows. All I do know is I am OK with the way things are. It is stressful but honestly, sometimes it's all the other family members who stress me more than taking care of Jim. lol There are days I want to just scream "Leave us alone!"

Well, I guess I was one who suggested some rest or time out. People who suggest those thoughts of things mean well. I don't believe it's totally unrealistic. I think that sometimes people can see the weight being carried and if they put themselves in the other person's shoes then they feel they might not be able to manage.

I actually don't know everyone's personal situation or whether there are other relatives or friends or support networks available to each and every one of you all. I do know though that when I was in situations where I did urgently need some rest there was no-one available to give it and to complicate matters I didn't know where to look for it or ask for it plus I'm not good at asking for help anyway. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

It might sound unrealistic to suggest that a person who is giving 100% of themselves to care for another or others gets some rest or 'me' time, but sometimes we just have to. In a situation that I was in, I figure I would have died otherwise from physical and emotional fatigue, ill health and burnout.

Taking a bath is excellent 'me' time (although some people might only have a shower). Try some epsom salts in the bath and it'll be very relaxing. Light a candle even... Try essential oil burners. Try Rescue Remedy.

There are also some excellent relaxation cds available these days and of course there's the old relaxation exercize where you lie down and close your eyes and tense then release the muscles starting at the tippy toes and going allll the way slowly but surely through each muscle group until you get to the head. Can be done really slowly or can be done faster, but after it's done then it's a re-charge for a bit longer. All of those things can be restful or 'me time'. Doesn't have to be for hours... can just be for 10 minutes. The benefits last much longer though I've found.

((Lara)) I certainly didn't mean that as slam to you! You are right! Rest and me time are the only tools we have to help cope. I was more laughing at my doctors, friends and family who keep telling me I need a vacation. Me time, a bath, listening to a song as loud as I can and singing along just as loud, reading a book while he sleeps... those are my -me times. A vacation? It IS what I truly need... but it isn't going to happen. When these people say you need a vacation!! I say ok! You watch Lynn and I will go! LOL yeah that is not going to happen, and that is why I have to laugh.

Sandy and Tammy... sigh....... I am so far from where you are now. I USE to enjoy caring for Lynn in the same way you both care for your dear husbands. I considered it an honor and I did it with love in my heart. The difference is you still have your DH's minds. Mine no longer knows who I am..... he is abusive.... and this stranger who has taken over my husband.. I do not love. My husband is truly dead to me.... I am a married widow, married to a ghost... facing this was among the hardest thing I have ever done.... sigh. Hang on tightly to them Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers Nikki

(((Lara))) I knew what you meant and saw what you saw, but see!...the written word can be misleading.

Of course we all mean well. And yes, we all have to take time for ourselves or we simply would fall apart at the seams.

I keep my bathroom stocked with epsom salts and candles.

(((Everyone)))

So...how was the pizza Doody.

Tammi...hope you are calling the dr. today.

Lara...love that titanic icon!

((((Lara)))) I am sorry too. I only meant that "getting away physically" is not an option. You should see me in the car when no one is looking and I become the latest greatest singer! lol

Nik-key, ((((Nik-key)))) I am so sorry your in that position. I too am praying for you as well.