((Alffe)) thank you

Wow this is a perfect mix of the grief I am going through with Lynn. Such cruelty, and yes - the worst of crimes. Reality sucks doesn't it?!

I have been sobbing all day. I had to go get some things he will need... I am trying to pack his life into one suitcase.... and going through our photos and rushing around trying to get copies made so I can have everything ready by Tuesday. Well, as "ready" as I can be.

Our wedding album was destroyed, water damage. So I have very few pictures of our special day. My favorite picture was the one where he was feeding me our cake. I couldn’t find a copy of that photo, I have searched for years. But it was in my memory ... if not Lynn‘s.

Today, while going through some older albums, I found a picture I really like of me and our horse Ebony. I took the photo out so I could have it copied... and under that photo, hidden all these years... was our wedding cake photo!! I can't begin to express the emotions that ran through me. In all this tragedy and heartache, I was given a precious memento to hold on to. Needless to say, tomorrow I am going to get two copies made. One for his room.... and one for mine. Apart, but together in my heart

God, give me strength..............

Much love and many thanks

And He will dear Nikki..... holding you close.

(((Nikki)))

I am so sorry I have been absent from this thread. You are such an amazing woman to love Lynn so much, and yet be willing to let someone/somewhere else help you care for him. Your life has been filled with sacrifice. Lynn is so blessed to be loved by you.

What little bit of caregiving I did the past month for my dear father made me marvel at people like you who do it day after day after day.

It is so wonderful that you were able to find that wedding cake picture just when you most needed it. That will be perfect to hang on both your walls.

Bless you, dear Nikki. Surely there is a special place in heaven for selfless and loving souls like yours.

nik, the thread is sad in the fact that you have to talk about a person that you deeply love that you have to let go...

that IS depressing, yes...but at the same time, through the responses, I see a lot of hopes....

what Anne, foogy, and moss said about Lynn's possible care is encouraging
what everyone has posted to you are heartwarming and engaging...

you have opened up a lot of hearts with this post because almost any of us can relate to it in one fashion or another and on top of it all, it makes us think of what we would want our spouses to do if we were in either you or lynn's positions...

because ANY ONE of us could be in either one of your shoes or both...

and it is food for thought...

There are no words that I can say right now because it's gotta be so damned hard...to let go of someone/something that you so want to clutch and hold on....

even though he's only 20 minutes away you'd still feel like it's so final...that you'd want to touch and keep everything about him 20 times and over...and tears will come down and drown you as your heart falls to pieces....

it'll happen and so, please let them, let the pieces fall where they may...then, there will be times that you'll be ready, to share about why you love this man so dearly and then picking up the pieces again...

and we'll be here to help you put it back together again...

moss is really good at puzzles...as I am sure many here are as well, I suck at puzzles, but I am good with duct tape...and you know we can fix ANYTHING, with duct tape...

oops, *blushing...I meant to post this photo...didn't mean to show you that's how I babysit the grandmoisses...

*moi hanging his head low and drawing in the sand with his foot...

well, Mr. Moi... even in a sad thread, we can use a laugh! ...

Nik-key... I am so sad for you sweetie.... you're in my thoughts!
Addy

Nikki, Listened to the song on you tube…my heart is hurting for you for the decisions you have had to make as a caregiver to your sweetheart. I love so much. You are in my prayers. I am just speechless at this time…I’m crying putting myself in your place if that time would ever come for me. You are my hero you know…thought I would tell you that.

One day in the eternities he will be yours again…everyone…Dad…

rough day

I can't get into the details of the day, just too painful..... I will share that I have anger in my heart aimed towards his children. I love them, but I am angry. Lynn was such a good man, a great Dad. Though I am happy they will be there when I drop him off tomorrow... I can't help but hold resentment that they were not there for him when it would have mattered. Some of them only saw him once a year for Christmas.... and right now, that ****** me off. He deserved better. Why come now? It is too late. He doesn't know them, and has zero recall.

Tomorrow ..... I will go in the morning to finish making his room seem more like home. Then I will sign some paperwork.. and around 2, we will bring him to his new "home"

Part of me wants to cut and run. I don't think I can do this!! If he cries out and pleads to go home... it is going to finish breaking what is left of my heart! I feel so bad for this man. He was once so proud, brave and strong. Now he is a frightened child. Too tragic to put to words......

I might not be on tomorrow... or for awhile....I wont know how I handle this, until I face it. Alffe... I want to thank you.. I checked my mailbox today and had a package from you. I know you are suppose to read these types of books one day at a time... but the last 4 days seems like a year!! So I have been reading it.... and I will read more tomorrow. Thank you so much for your gift of comfort

Thank you all for sharing in my pain... for the heartfelt posts, emails, and PM's...... I am going to try to just keep swimming... you all just have those life boats ready

Awwww, Nikki, I'm so sorry about Lynn's kids. Even though he might not have remembered their visits, YOU would have! And it would have been the right thing to do.

Well, at least they're helping for a day. It's going to be a "bumpy ride" for you, sweetie.

I had a situation the day after Dad's funeral -- I wondered if there were a win-win solution so that neither party left mad or offended. I sure couldn't figure it out.

A good night's sleep and prayers revealed a logical and simple answer. Whew!

I'll keep you in my prayers. Praying for comfort and peace for you and Lynn and the kids. Bless you all.