Good luck on your exams today, Blue. I hope some sleep and a new day has helped you feel better.

There are many people who care here andd probably in your life that you might no be able to "feel" right now. Just keep taking one step after the other...

Blu Mayo

gosh...your post struck me at my core a bit...hating to look at "ME" in the mirror is what I went through for a few years...

hating "myself", questioning if "God" exists or if he listens, wanting to just quit, not getting along with family, being alone and single for many years...

I can feel you, girl...

I like what Jo says about writing it out and venting. To me, that's one way of releasing and if you post it and feel like you need to delete it. The mods are always very helpful in helping deleting it for you.

your family being ignorant of depression and suicide is not that uncommon amongst other families. I think it is always easier for people to digest OTHER people's family and other people's depressions, but when it comes to their own, they have a hard time accepting it because we all tend to think that we're NORMAL...

my father didn't accepted the fact that I have TS until the day he died...

I also am with Twinks, sleeping will help. (I know I should sleep more...)

there sounds like so many complications with you. And as David would say,baby steps...

I think your taking the exams and getting that done is one of the first steps no matter how frustrating. Then, getting that nice job after your graduation (I think you're going to be a Bio Engineer?? ) will help you.

one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is to LOVE myself...(I am at the like stage...but I like the way I am going)

I find out that when I hate myself, the rest of the world hates me too (not true, it was my OWN perception because I DIDN'T LIKED MYSELF THUS I THINK NO ONE LIKES ME).

When we don't like ourselves, it is actually hard to accept that others would love us or care about us....it is a catch 22....

we feel like we need to be loved first before we can love ourselves yet we have to love ourselves before we can FEEL the love....

where you mentioned that everybody is tired of you is probably a perception that you feel because you don't have that self-love and you are tired of yourself first...then, it is easy to project that onto others...

well, WE all care.... ((((BIG HUGS))))

can you look into a health care system that would help in your area?? Not familiar with what you've got there in your area...

try to take small steps...

and like everyone's said, we're here for you....

((((BIG HUGS)))))

((Blue)) I have been thinking of you today. Hoping some sunshine made in through the darkness today

BlueMajo...(((many warm hugs))) I understand and I am sorry about what you are feeling and going through. Perhaps we can hold each other up. I am fighting that beast too. Will he win, I don't know. But, I hope, that both of us can hang on, one baby step at a time, and work through the emotions and feelings without acting on those thoughts. That is my hope.

BlueMajo

http://www.llerrah.com/footprints.htm

I read your post this morning, and wanted to reply but had to leave for work, hopefully the song 'YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND' let you know people care..We don't know each other, have never met, unlikely too meet...but we share a commonality.
That link makes me feel for your current plight, it makes me feel I've known you for many years.....

WHY?

because your pain is so familiar, your message so very loud, and I recognise the sadness in your words.

What came first the chicken or the egg?..........................


or in your case the depression...........or the constant bodily aches and pains?

Depression can physically shut down the body..bestow all sorts of ailments and make you feel really crappy.

However virus's/illness can make you feel so unwell that depression sets in because of the pain..I don't know your circumstances, but it sounds like understanding and TLC is a bit low down on the family shopping list, this can have a huge impact on your self esteem/ confidence/ faith...........and when these are out of sink.......thepain/depression or depression/pain become worse.......which knocks self esteem/confidence/faith even further........and the vicious circle continues.



You need to focus on YOU....

don't seek anyone's approval or opinion, you are special...........if you weren't why are your finger prints individual to you out of 4.8 billion people

As for questioning God's existence? only he truly knows.

It all seems 'higgle de piggle de' upside down at present. because you yourself are currently questioning your own existence.........well you do matter...and you are worth it............when we through a stone in a pond the ripple spreads out eventually hitting the sides... the tiny trickle has an impact on the embankment and leaves an impression.

well your thread rippled way-way out and land on my shoreline leaving an impression..........

You can master this journey and this current storm
[by learning to dance in the rain]

David

Blue Mayo,

I hope you are sleeping and getting some rest and did wonderful on that exam!

Thinking of you...

AAAAAaaaaawwwwwwwwwww !!!!!!

Dear all,

I dont know how to start this post... probably with a BIG, HUGE hug !

I cant express how happy and loved ALL your post made me feel !!!!

Gosh, Im so glad I have found this place... Your messages mean A LOT to me, uff, really, I cant find the words to express... My heart feels... how to say... full ? happy ??? Aw.... you are all just to sweet to be truth !!!!!!



Im officially a Biologist ! Im sure I was able to do it thanks to your thoughts, prayers, vibres, etc... You cant imagine how much you mean to me....

The things and advices you posted me here, are the most beautiful things Ive read in ages... For the first time in many years (or probably in my whole life) I feel people understand what Im feeling...

You are awesome and it's hard for me to find a way to thank you for all the help !!!

I really appreciate your replies.

I guess I can only say... I LOVE YOU !!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well done! A Biologist. What an amazing accomplishment.

Thanks for letting us know that you're feeling better and that you're no longer in that dark place. Stress is a terrible thing I know. It's good for us a lot of the time, but sometimes it's so darn scary. You take care there. You've done so well. Be proud of yourself.

Fantastic new ((Blue))!!!

It is an amazing thing we all have here isn't it? I have never met any of these wonder people in person, but my heart knows them all so well I am also glad you found us

Very happy to see this here this morning dear ((((BlueM)))) one step at a time, my friend. ....and congratulations dear brave Soul.