[who moi]

...or jump off that bridge or drive off that bridge(*note to self)...or throw that rope over with that noose just slightly bigger than your neck....

before you open that bottle of pills or reach for that razor....

before you shut the garage and turn on that key....

before you even write that note, if you should choose to....

and you happened onto this forum...

read around...listen to the pain...see the pleas and pleads...(but if you see fleas, please call curious)

if you've wrote that note, read it to yourself as if your most beloved ones wrote it....

if you are driving, head back before you reach the end....

if you have cocked that gun, ease that lever back...

because when you feel like nobody else would care, when you feel like no one else would listen, and nobody gives a BIG OLE DAMN about you...

and you might have even convinced yourself that....

THINK AGAIN....

I write this with a bit of tears in my eyes, it was international women's day a couple of days ago and I blame that.

Sit on your hands...call that suicide hotline number, call that pastor, call your best friend, call somebody..call the police if you've run out of resources...

chances are....you'll be shocked at that someone out there, WILL give a damn...

that feeling will not last forever, it will pass.....yes, it might come back, but then it'll pass.....keep fighting it....

[Nik-key]

((Moi)) I want to reply to this, I need to! But I can't right now.....
Thank you for writing this. I love you

[who moi]

you just take care of you, nik...you made a lot of people think, I am sure, including me...

I know moss had talked about her first husband taking his life on the 4(3rd?) anniversary of her younger brother's taking his life.

So, there is ONLY one day to mourn both deaths, but the pain is 40 times as much....

she has grounded me...before I reach for my keys sometimes. I look at her...most of the times, she's sleeping and I study her face...and I say to myself..."You bastard....how CAN you do this to her?"

Then the keys goes into hiding..but then I blame her the next day for misplacing them..

the beast is there, it's a tough battle...

I hope you will be able to have a good visit with lyn today, or at least some what easier...

((((BIG HUGS)))))

[BlueMajo]

you know, as Ive said before, I just think it is sometimes impossible to even think... I think that's the difference on being stilll alive... and suicide... is like... hum... when I think about suicide, is because Im not thinking actually... at least, not properly...

I wonder if we have an aura... and we have to "act" before reaching the point where we cant actually think...

Sorry if my post dont make sense at all. Its hard for me to explain....

[Alffe]

Pters words again...

Our minds are quite manipulative particularly when cultivated by fear. Do not fear your suicidal thoughts. Do not be ashamed of them. Do not let them be a negative aspect of your being. Accept them..and post them here or talk openly about them to friends and family...

A suicidal thought is NOT initiated by the mind as a way to harm the person.
It is initiated by the mind as a misguided attempt to protect the person. By understanding its intent you will be able to redirect it with self esteem and self love in place...fear will not be able to stimulate the negative cascading psysiological affects that make so many of us tire to the point of accepting suicide as the solution."

~Pter

As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.

Pter

[who moi]

I can see where you are coming from, blu mayo.

I think this is why we are here asking questions.

At what point, does it become more instinctual and irrational...

or is any of the thinking about suicide consider RATIONAL??

I think Pter pointed out a lot of the good points about being "misguided" and to "PROTECT"

I really like that out of the box thinking.

I still can't see people talk about suicide openly because it is a taboo subject.

Especially when some religion simply denies it and chalk it up to the temptation of the devil or the evil ones.

It becomes even harder when stuff of psycho-analysis and deciphering and then tracing back to roots and what not...

some people have triggers or things that happened to them. Some people are genetically predisposed. Some even program themselves.

and it is consider death and the ultimate F*** you...

so, to think that the thought is a protection is a good philosophy of for every negative, there is a positive....a good outside of box thinking...

I am thinking out loud and just following my fingers as I type this out and probably won't make any sense...but nevertheless, just my thoughts at the moment...

((((((((hugs)))))))) for everyone....

[mistiis]

Our thoughts hold power and energy. Being able to do what Pter talks about here requires time, effort, and patience. It also requires us to be aware of our thoughts, and thought patterns. Emotions lead to our thought processes, and vice versa. They are inter-conncected. The things going on in our lives affect the way we feel, and think. So, how do we go about changing our thoughts and feelings? We tend to react instead of ACT! Or, we react in the negative ways that Pter talks about to what appears to be a negative, life-threatening thought. And, it is. But, as he says, it also appears to be protective, because the mind thinks it is a way to escape the pain; physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental.

But, it is not true. It is an illusion. I belive that we will never 'escape' ourselves truly. Befriending the thought will take away the dissonance that gets set up, which makes it a 'fight' and, as he says, the fight is tiring. I haven't quite gotten there yet. But, I get closer and closer to being able to do this.

How to change our thought patterns, is also key. Recognizing when we need to before it is 'too late,' is also vital. We have to learn life saving techniques just like someone who has to learn how to deal with high blood pressure or diabetes.

But, the social stigma is ever present. And that can become another battle. Depression, mental illness, and what comes with it is just not socially acceptable. People don't want to feel or share others pain, especially mental and emotional. Why? Because they will open themselves up to feeling it as well. Sometimes, you can't because you are not strong enough yourself. But, when you are, you help yourself by helping others. What goes arournd comes around.

One also has to be able to recognize when they are vulnerable themselves and not able to help anyone but themselves. It gets complicated. HALT is good to remember. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Then, I need help. If I am not and I am strong, then I am better able to help others and can do the reaching. Otherwise, I may need to be the one reaching.

Just my morning random thoughts here. I must learn this because I can not take medication. And, I will, with the help of my friends. Love you guys....

Let's face it, its hard for anyone to 'befriend' a suicidal thought. But, as I always say, love is the answer. And, it appears, that it is here as well. I usually just try to push the thought away, which means I am pushing away the emotions as well. But, they go away, just to come back again when triggered by something. Well, if I ever learn how to befriend these thoughts, I promise to share it....LOL

I think, in the long run, it has to become a transformative process.

[Alffe]

It is hard work Mistiis, Pter spent his whole live fighting it and trying to teach not only us, but his own family what he'd learned. Do you remember Sue, his daughter, when she posted this after his death?


Like you posted- the walls can be built both ways- "Pter" often posted messages here that made sense to others - even seemed to help some- yet when those same messages were extended to his family members years ago they were often met with the "wall'- Now his words make sense to me and I carry them with me knowing that a suicidal thought is just that - a thought that can be dealt with in various other ways besides a suicide attempt- I now know there can be various reasons one might have a tendency towards suicidal thoughts- and that it isn't just emotional or mental instability as it was once said to be- I also learned that we can set ourselves up in situations that make us think the act is justified- sometimes just to give a REASON for the thought- as he would say- it made an illogical thought logical- It took years to hear- and looking through strangers eyes to understand but I think I do now .

One person can make such a difference in our lives.

[DMACK]

Moi..................perfect words my friend perfect words.

& Alffe 'one person can make such a difference in our lives'... is so very very true.........................



David