Sometimes we wear anger like a coat-we are afraid without it there will nothing between us and the pain-not even skin. But if we take off the anger-and stand there unprotected- s o m e t i m e s some other feelings can cover our pain for a few moments-and sometimes those moments might stretch into minutes, then hours.

There seems to be so many reasons I want to keep the anger-it is a shield-it seems to be a necessary answer to needless pain-it would be homogenizing what happened, marginalizing it, to not have a great amount of anger-the anger validates how huge the tragedy is-anger creates adrenaline and I can use the adrenaline to have enough energy to live, to deal, to do what needs to be done.

But I am telling myself it is worth the risk of more pain-to take the anger off and set it aside for a moment so I can feel some more fragile things like memories of happier times or appreciation or even something as simple as goodwill.

If it is impossible to handle life without it-I can always quickly reach for the anger again-I'm sure it won't be far away.

It certainly is hard to give up. So many different types of anger too, and can be directed at ourselves or others. I was angry with myself for about 30 years until I finally learned that my anger was misdirected and a lot like you, I seemed to be holding on to it. I think I was doing that to survive too. Heck, I was only 4 when my mum passed away from cancer and a teen when my dad was killed walking across a pedestrian crossing. He'd been through so much in his life and also had been a Prisioner of war for many years in Singapore then on to Burma and Thailand and he made it through it all with a strength I hope I have inherited, ... but in an instant he was gone. YET I blamed myself. Anger again. Weird what our brains can do. I couldn't blame my parents for leaving me so young, so I blamed myself that I'd not done enough, or I had caused it, or I ... etc..

It is worth it you know. It's worth it because holding on to it too long can destroy our health and our lives and to some extent cripple us inside.

What a wonderful post, Sue. Thankyou very much.

Oh I have too much to say and no way to say it. I am full of anger..I am tired and old. I just wanted to have the rest of this journey with some peace in my life..I thought I had finally reached a resting place...had some order in my life and could coast. Wrong, wrong again.

What if we have no control over that anger...what if it isn't of our doing but it's just life once again that's at the wheel?

Thank you both....I think. My anger scares me so.

Alffe.

I know that anger is a natural reaction and I know that all our lives are different and many of us don't know much about each other's lives, but I do know that it's often misdirected and USUALLY we direct the anger at ourselves despite our thinking it is not. Who are we hurting with all this anger? We're only hurting ourselves aren't we? As Sue said, we wear it like a coat. A protection.

I'm so very sorry if my post has hurt you in some way. Never my intention at all. If you have shut off the anger and hiding it, then maybe it's a good thing to throw it somewhere else, except on your own shoulders. Throw it to me privately if you need to.

Love you

You are such a dear friend Lara.

I love you. I understand.

Great thread ((Sue))

You got me to thinking... not always a good thing

I am by nature a loving and forgiving person. I should say, I use to be. Since Dad's suicide my first emotion is sorrow caused by insurmountable grief. The next emotion is anger.

Since Dad's death, I haven't been able to handle things, anything, like I once would have. My coping skills are gone. I have been dealing with the long goodbye, the slow death of my husband to Alzheimer's for years.... I use to be able to see the joy in the midst of tragedy. I can't do that any more. It isn't for lack of trying. I try every single day. Multiple times a day.

I go and visit Lynn now and I put on my front. I will not let him see me cry. He wouldn't understand why I was crying. He thinks nothing is wrong with him. *sigh. If I am there, all is right in his little world. I wont take that small measure of comfort from him. What else has he got? *sigh

But, once I leave his room, it is anyone’s guess where I will fall apart. The second day there I made it to the elevator. When it opened, a lobby full of people saw me on my knees sobbing for all I was worth. I never cry in public. At one time this would have horrified me! Now, I just don't care. I am breaking, I can't help where the pieces fall.

Anger. I tried to put my anger aside after Dad killed himself. It felt wrong, unnatural -for me to be so angry with this man I loved so dearly. I tried to push it aside, hide it within me. Now, it is busting free. And as ((Alffe)) said, I have no control over it.

I am full of anger. Most of it justified. Some, not so much.

I am angry at myself. I should have known, somehow, someway.. that Dad had reached a point where he thought suicide was his only option. Part of me knows there was no way for me to know, but .... I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! This will eat away at me for the rest of my life.

I am furious at Dad. More than furious, I just haven't found a word in the written language to express how angry I am at him. The anger is real, raw and honest. So I won't try to push it inside again. I already have ulcers from trying to do that.

It frightens me, to feel this much rage. That it is aimed at someone who was my everything.. well... there is no word for how that makes me feel. But, in truth it also makes me even angrier at him.. because he caused me to feel this way towards him. *sigh.. how is that for a vicious cycle?

I am not mad at Lynn. How can I be? It isn't his fault he fell victim to this horrendous disease. I can't be mad at him, so I am angry at God. Not the first time, not the last.

It goes against my nature to be this angry. Maybe I am wearing it as a shield?
Then again, maybe as Sue said.... it is giving me enough energy to live?

Directing anger can be production. It can help you come to a solution. Give you that fighting edge.

Holding it in and not expressing it, isn't healthy. It festers and grows. Eats you up.

For me, forgiving myself for being angry and accepting it is the first thing. It really is ok to feel anger. Anger is a natural feeling.

The rest comes later.

yeah, it is a natural feeling...even Jesus and Buddha got angry, I think.

my own anger scares me too...and I am pretty strong for a small guy like me...

years of throwing eggs in the yard, breaking dishes in the back, and chopping lettuce like there's no tomorrow helped re-direct them.

(can't afford to throw away dishes anymore. LOLOL)

I am always glad to read that I am not alone with my anger because of how I have them. I know people get angry, but I get REALLY angry....

I am lucky that through the years, in meditation and other forms, I have learned to let it "fizzle" out by channeling it out in different ways....

but there are still times when nothing in the world feels better than painting a face on a tree then throw a dozen eggs at it....

I was thinking about learning voodoo but they told me the dolls are hard to make....

sue and alpho, I understand your anger, I feel you, sister....

now, I don't want eggs thrown at me. Direct them at Lara and curious, please...

((((BIG HUGS))))

I hope Lara has gone back to bed and this angry lady has to catch an airplane....awful looking storms will probably delay us...then I'll really get angry. *grin