:hug: welcome Free Kittens... to a place of solace and safety and understanding and leaning and learning and lifting....

and I could go on and on... you'll find this forum busy and quite... depends on what is happening in our worlds... and you'll find that there are a lot of us who have been around for years...

You'll read all sorts of stories and learn you are not alone... life is a freaking roller coaster...

takes a lot of courage to be here... to reach out when you need help and to reach out when you feel you are needed by others...

:sing: Addy

G'day to you dear Free Kittens. Please do join us in the forum below when you feel you can.

Survivors of Suicide

Here is a post from Alffe long ago

Who are we? And why do we hang out here?

(((Thanks Addy)))

Welcome to NeuroTalk Free Kittens, it's good to have you with us although I'm sorry for the reasons which made you seek us out. As Addy said you'll find us a very understanding group and hopefully, an easy group to 'talk' to.

Do feel free to post to the link that Lara gave you, either by replying to any open thread, or by starting one yourself.

Welcome again Free Kittens. :hug:

Howdy all,

Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm catching up on posts as it's been awhile since I checked in.

I have to say that I am amazed at the warmth that is eminating from eveyone's posts here.

Wishing a Grand day to All
Free Kittens

my story
 

Hello, I am very happy that I found this site.

I have come to terms with my story alone. My parents told me once that if they ever thought I would attempt anything they would "throw me in the mental ward". So I just never told them. When I was 14 I was...a teenager for lack of a better word and like most girls that age I fell madly in lust with a boy. This boy had cancer and had had it for a very long time. He told me he loved me and all that and then he started controling me. I failed classes (I was previously a straight A student) because he wouldn't let me go to them. He would hit me if I didn't listen. It was terrible. I told the principal multiple times he was hitting me and actually got the excuse "he has cancer what harm could he do" once.

Sophomore year he passed away and for some reason I cried. I had this feeling of being lost. He had told me every move to make, what was I supposed to do now? I don't know how it got to that point but I attempted suicide a few weeks after his death...I failed...thank God.

Today, I am going into my senior year of college. like I said I have come to terms with my story and have decided to go into Social Work in hopes of helping others through tragedies alike or differing from my own. I live in my little apartment with my boyfriend of 3 years. The only person I ever let get within a mile of me since that year. He knows all about it and he is wonderful. My life is wonderful and I am so glad I didnt accomplish taking my life those years ago.

Hi JDSS

I'm rather new here as well.

Isn't it wonderful to find someone (your boyfriend) who is worthy of you? He sounds wonderful.

A career in social work? Are you getting your BSW this year? Any plans on getting your MSW? I have my MSW, was in the field for over 20 years. My experiences are all too fresh for me to even think I might be able to practice again. Kudos to you...

...and a Grand Day
Free Kittens

Hi
 

Hi,
So great to see a survivors of suicide support group out here! I've never reached out to strangers before but, I feel like my concerns may be dissmissed by my family. 1-24-08 I lost my beautiful brother to suicide, hate saying these words.............. he cut his own throat. I have an almost unnatural fear of anything around my neck, sweaters, scarves, necklaces ect. Now I may need surgery on my neck to remove a cervical rib, im terrified. I know I will see him in my wound. Has anyone else lost someone to this method? I feel alone- I feel the stigma and people have the most horrible look on their faces when I confess his method. Trying to decide if I should talk to someone before surgery?

Hi nicoleK
 

[I am so sorry that you lost your brother in that way. It must be very difficult to come to terms with that. I know how it must effect your own mental state. Please, do seek out help, from a councilor, or psychologist, if his death is preventing you from seeking the help with your own medical condition. I also want to tell you I have had several operations on my throat for Cervical fusion. The scars are not noticealbe, they blend in to the folds of your neck. You won't see it at all after awhile. Please take care of yourself. Again, I do understand how difficult the loss of your brother was. It is OK to tell people on this site how he passed away, nobody will think in a negative way anything you say. You will only find compassion and a group of people who will care about you. I wish you all the best with your medical condition. ginnie:hug:

Hello free kittens
 

I am really glad you found Neuro talk. There are alot of compassionate souls here that will offer support. I got through alot of tuff situations just by coming here to talk. ginnie

Thanks to the both of you for the welcome! I came in to neurtalk researching Cervical Rib resection and stumbled on this board, everything happens for a reason! I will sit down with a professional before my surgery to help me prepare for this wound. seems weird to say but, i know thats what I will be doing...Thanks again!

Welcome to NeuroTalk, Nicole.

It would seem a wise decision to me to talk with a counsellor prior to your having the surgery considering what you've told us about your brother's death. I'm so sorry for your loss. It would weigh very heavily on your mind for sure as you prepare for that particular type of surgery.

Don't be a stranger here. Lots of wonderfully supportive people, not necessarily having gone through the exact same experience of loss, but loss none the less. Your fears make total sense to me and that's just from reading your message and imagining how difficult this will be for you.

Hi NicoleK
 

Truely, you will be OK, and the results of your surgery you will not notice. I am glad you are talking to someone to allievate your fears. I always ask questions, its the best way to go about it. I wish you all the best as you move forward with your proceedure. ginnie

hearing this is so amazing i love when people have that one thing in there life holding them down and it makes them feel good.. i just need to find mine...

You can. You will.

You, go! One day at a time, one day at a time...

Hi am Ella i have tired to kill myself a few time before i think about it all the time
My dad died in September last year he killed himself ...its hard to deal with some times i wish i could join him

Welcome to the NeuroTalk Support Groups, Ella.

I'm so very sorry to hear that you've lost your father.

I hope you have some professional support with you as you deal with your terrible grief.

You've found a wonderful group of people here and I hope you join us and find some companionship as you deal with the time ahead.

Miss him. Need him. Love him. Be angry with him. Be sad for him. Please don't join him. Join us. (((hugs)))

I tried halfheartedly when I was 16 or so with my Trim Trio. I didn't draw blood even. What a dolt. I tried again when I was 44 and not halfheartedly. I stabbed myself right where I thought my heart should be. It wasn't. I was amazed that I didn't hit a single organ except my liver and they didn't even put any stitches in it. I lost more blood than I give at blood donations! They messed me up more with an old-fashioned laproscopy from sternum to just below my belly-button. I recuperated from that in a looney bin in a hospital. It was not a vacation. I worked hard at recovering from that. It was a dark place I'd never been in before and don't expect to be in again. I didn't want to hurt myself, I wanted the merry-go-round to stop. What worked for me was allowing myself to take no further attempts until I really wanted to die but then that would be alright. It was like a bottle of scotch for special occasions. Nothing was special enough.

I've tried to commit suicide twice. the first time was in 2002 when my depression was off the map, so I took a bottle of valium and the thought 'bugger I didn't really want to do that' and called my other half. The second time was very different, I had just got my depression under control, I was working full time and going back to uni to study for my MSc and then I started having problems with my knee. I had to have an op and that led to my crps. I had already been off work about 5 months and I met a friend, had too much wine, had a fight with my husband and just decided I couldn't take it any more. so I took every tablet I could get hold of, including around 60 200mg lithium tablets, about 20 pregabalin, all my antidepressants and god knows what else. Fortunately my body decided it wasn't ready to go and I started throwing up. Technically I shouldn't be here as I had more than enough lithium alone in my system to kill me. Most days I'm very glad that it didn't work and ever since then we've kept my drugs in a locked box that only my husband has the key for. Unfortunately since he got promoted he is generally away at least two nights a week, sometimes more, leaving me with access to more of my medication. I'm ok at the moments, I'm on a pretty even keel, but I have SAD which means that come the dark nights I get down again. I've got no one to talk to about this as they all change the subject when I try and bring it up, anyway thanks for letting me vent! xxxx

since my head injury I have attepted suicide 2 times. once with 60 Xanax. ended up running into the street screaming insanely and went to hospital then psych ward. second time tried to hang myself from vent but vent ripped out of ceiling. damaged neck muscles and went to hospital then psych again.'
its been seven years since injury. the symptoms never get better or easier to deal with. I'd be lying if I said I would never attempt suicide again. I don't now what the future holds. sleep most of the day for fear of the symptoms.

Hi
 

I used to post on the bipolar board, but haven't in a very long time...

I'm a 34 yo married F (no children). BP II with anxiety disorder, disabled because of symptoms of MS.

On Dec. 23rd I slit both my wrists and the crook of my arm, and OD'ed on a cocktail of 3 prescription meds.
So, I found myself in the hospital for 3 days and voluntarily committed until I was transferred to a medical ward for treatment for a MS relapse.
I was very angry that I was still alive.

I have a pretty good idea of how it all went awry. To me it's a long story, but I can also tie it up in a neat package (see bold):

My usual warning that I was going manic was that I wold stop off for a beer before going home, and end up getting home after last call. Not good for a marriage...
Just as these incidents were increasing, I got ****** off at lithium because I developed hyperparathyroidism in addition to the hyperthyroidism it already caused. My NP decided to try me on Seroquol, but when I titrated up to 150mg I started passing out. The NP told me to stop taking it. I scheduled and rescheduled appointments, but never went back.

On no medication at all, drinking more, I left my husband and moved in with my dad (BIG mistake). Oh, and I got a DUI.

They released me on Depakote even though it rendered me virtually blind. My NP was throwing out the names of other drugs, but oddly enough, I asked for lithium. I'm dry now. It's the devil I know. If other s/e come up, or lithium's not doing the job, we can revisit the issue.

I'm safe now, I can see, and my husband and I have reconciled. I'll never wear short sleeves again, but it's not all bad news.

WOW !! You really have been to "hell" and back. Glad you are safe and have reconciled with your husband. Hold on tight; you are at least trying which is a real plus.


Gerry

What I Did To Me
 

I attempted to tie a rope around my neck over 8 years ago. I ended up calling the suicide hotline in my area, and about 5 days before, kept calling my psychiatrist. I knew something was wrong. She didn't help me at all. She was just going to let me die. She finally sent me to the hospital on the sixth day of my attempted suicide.

The night that I really did attempt a suicide, I was so depressed, that I felt like I was in a black hole.

I had a twine rope wrapped around my neck and wrists, ready to pull and kill myself, and then all of a sudden, something just hit me. I sort of stopped and called the suicide hotline, right before I actually pulled the rope.

Next thing I knew, the next day I was in the hospital and was there for about 5 days. My diagnosis was Bipolar II, PTSD, and GAD at that time.

I've had been to the hospital only 3 times since then, and that was about 8 years ago.

But ever since then, I've been doing really well, even though there had been a lot of medicine changes.

According to my therapist, she says that I am now in remission, but sometimes I don't feel that way.

My friend knew about that rope and because I was being stubborn at the time, I wouldn't give up that rope, until 6 months later.

Sometimes I wish I still had that rope. But I try to cope as well as I can.

Has anyone been in that same position and if so, how did you handle it?

tinytiny63