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Old 08-02-2008, 07:19 PM   #21
Doody
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Hi Clownie. I'm glad you found us, and I also am sorry about your family not understanding.

Please do join everyone in SOS anytime! I hope this finds you pain free today.

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Old 09-14-2008, 09:31 PM   #22
hippiechick
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I, too, feel like ending everything. I HATE living and pray every second to die; I've tried many, many times. I have a disease that's supposed to kill me in 7-10 years and so that gives me 3-5 years since being diagnosed but that is not fast enough. I want it NOW!!!!!!! I can't stand another day of this - I just can't. No person, no fame, all the money in the world wouldn't be enough to keep me here for ten seconds more....I hate it that much. Yes, I do have a family and, no, even that doesn't matter right now. They'd be much better without me at this point. People get tired of a sick person and so I've gone back to being the person I used to be - who rarely talked and never left the house.

Nothing is important right now. I have no control over anything, so I decided to stop eating....so far, so good. At least I have TREMENDOUS control over that and it makes me feel good. I just can't wait 3 years, let alone 5!!!!!
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Old 09-14-2008, 10:27 PM   #23
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Hippiechick

One of our wonderful members posted a thread just for you...

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread54261.html

I hope you will go take a look there. I am going to go and
post to you there as well. I just wanted to let you know I
and others are here if you want to talk
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More Than One Soul Dies In A Suicide

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Last edited by Nik-key; 09-14-2008 at 10:55 PM.
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Old 09-16-2008, 07:14 PM   #24
Doody
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(((Hippiechick))) please come back and at least say 'hey'! Lots and lots of hugs waiting for you at sweet Nik-key's link above!

And believe me, every post to you is sincere.
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Old 09-17-2008, 08:55 PM   #25
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hippiechick,
just want you to know I am thinking about you. It's true, there is no judgement here. None of us pretends to be walking in your shoes right now. And we do care, it just naturally comes with the territory. When I really don't know how to express how I am feeling, putting, 'I wonder' in front seems to help.
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:22 PM   #26
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My names Kristina and I overdosed and I overdosed at the age of 14 I think.I was in a coma for 5 days and they didn't think I was going to make it. But praise God I did. I still have moments when i'm like why I am here? Why is God putting through this stuff? I just want to help one person with my testimony or talk to or help in anyway. So I can feel like I have a purpose on this earth. Blessings and much love,Daughter Kristina
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Old 03-21-2009, 12:47 AM   #27
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I've never really talked about my attempt. That was 23 years ago now. My mom pretends it never happened, so I guess I just follow suit. But it was real, very real. I was 18. I went to the store, bought a bottle of sleeping pills, went to my friends house (she was at work), and downed them all. When I started feeling the effects of the pills, I got scared and called a friend. He came and took me to the hospital. I had to have my stomach pumped which is a horrible experience. I was put on a 72-hour psychiatric hold. I ended up being court-ordered into therapy. I eventually worked through it. Many times since then, especially with my pain, I have wished that I would just die. But, I would never, ever do that again. Why? Because I love Jesus and suicide is a sin that would send me straight to hell. And hell is real and not a place I intend on going when I die!! And no, this decision is not easy, in fact, it's very difficult because it makes me feel trapped when I get depressed, knowing that is never an out for me limits my options. So that is my story in so far as this subject goes!
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Old 03-21-2009, 09:36 AM   #28
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I'm so glad you failed in your suicide attempt dear Cheetafam. I lost a son to suicide many years ago and it changed our family forever. I also love and believe in Jesus and in a forgiving God, who I believe was with our son when he completed this act.

Welcome to the forum where we talk about "it" and our feelings. Talking about "it" helps us heal. When we don't talk about it...there's an elephant in the room.
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Old 04-01-2009, 07:54 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lara View Post
I don't think attempting to kill oneself has anything to do with either cowardice or bravery, but that's just how I think. I do find it sad that people would equate despair with cowardice. I think that is a totally unfair and unreasonable and illogical statement. It doesn't make sense to me.

I know what it's like to be judged but I feel that sometimes when people judge other people that way then they're just talking through their hat with hollow words 'cause they find it easier to judge than to try to understand in a compassionate way, or even just talk about what's going on at all.

It's the same as people who tell others to just "get on with it and forget the past". We are our past. How can people forget the past? That's something I could never understand with my so-called relatives regarding a lot of things that happened in my younger years as a child and teenager. When my relatives used to say things like that to me it was like negating my very existence and the experiences that had made me who I am. I lost my parents very young in life and went to live with relatives who acted all my life as if they had never existed. Not a word. Not one word. I ended up feeling as if I'd been dropped off here from an outer solar system instead of born to beautiful people. Instead of being able to openly deal with grief in a caring environment, it became almost "easy" to just shut it all away.

So, to therealme, I just think that by suggesting that you're a coward for attempting to end your own existence just doesn't make sense to me. It's those sort of comments and treatments that makes people totally shut off from others ... well, it would be for me.

therealme, I'm not sure we've met before. I see you've only made a couple of posts on these forums, but I really hope that you're feeling stronger by now and I also hope that you have someone in your "real" life (apart from here I mean, and we are real too) who cares about therealyou and whatever you do, please don't shut it all away, 'cause sometimes when we shut it all away for far too long, it all just wants to get out in too much of a hurry and then we need to deal with that on a more intense level than getting through from day to day. Sometimes that's what it takes though, just getting through day to day but I'm really hoping you have some good support there to fall back on if you need it.

Please let us know how you're doing.
I don't know you, but I do know I care how you're doing.


What an amazing thing you've said there. I really enjoyed reading that. And felt every word. And I agree with you totally. And really want just to say, thank you. So many times people just don't understand how another is feeling. The desperation of sadness' that can overcome any of us. And how we (in my opinion) probably all have had someone treat us as though, "Oh get over it". "Leave it alone". To feel understood is fantastic. I'm going to enjoy this group tremendously!
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Old 09-20-2009, 12:12 AM   #30
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Hi,

I have never actively attempted to end my life. However, suicidal ideation has been a near constant companion for me since I got sick in 2007. To be honest, I am afraid to try because I think I would screw it all up and just make things much worse than they are now.

This illness has taken my career, my independence, my family just really doesn't understand--except for one person. My mother told me that she would never wait on me hand and foot---I never asked for that, so I really wonder how much she honestly loves me with the unconditional love she talks about.

My medical bills are so large and continuing that I feel like a financial burden and my husband somehow cannot bring himself to do more than a perfuntory kiss and a pat on the leg anymore.

On Sept 11, I was diagnosed with Sensory Ataxia and Orthostatic Hypotension--both quite symptomatic and with Trigeminal Neuralgia on July 16. Add in a few other health problems, the Depression and PTSD and I am just plain overwhelmed and don't know what kind of future I have.

I am 55, that in itself is a factor.

I need to find meaning and purpose in my life again. I have some ideas but I don't know if they will work out.

I am on medications, see a Therapist, and do everything I "should" do to me mentally healthy. I didn't struggle with these feelings before I got sick.

More than anything tonight, I wish one of my illnesses was terminal or that I had the guts to end things. But I worry about my family. Then I get mad that I have to worry about them. I wish they would understand. I wish, more than anything, that they would understand.

Thanks for reading---hate to meat anyone under these circumstances, ever.
lifesaver--but some days I sink like a stone.
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