Hi
 

I used to post on the bipolar board, but haven't in a very long time...

I'm a 34 yo married F (no children). BP II with anxiety disorder, disabled because of symptoms of MS.

On Dec. 23rd I slit both my wrists and the crook of my arm, and OD'ed on a cocktail of 3 prescription meds.
So, I found myself in the hospital for 3 days and voluntarily committed until I was transferred to a medical ward for treatment for a MS relapse.
I was very angry that I was still alive.

I have a pretty good idea of how it all went awry. To me it's a long story, but I can also tie it up in a neat package (see bold):

My usual warning that I was going manic was that I wold stop off for a beer before going home, and end up getting home after last call. Not good for a marriage...
Just as these incidents were increasing, I got ****** off at lithium because I developed hyperparathyroidism in addition to the hyperthyroidism it already caused. My NP decided to try me on Seroquol, but when I titrated up to 150mg I started passing out. The NP told me to stop taking it. I scheduled and rescheduled appointments, but never went back.

On no medication at all, drinking more, I left my husband and moved in with my dad (BIG mistake). Oh, and I got a DUI.

They released me on Depakote even though it rendered me virtually blind. My NP was throwing out the names of other drugs, but oddly enough, I asked for lithium. I'm dry now. It's the devil I know. If other s/e come up, or lithium's not doing the job, we can revisit the issue.

I'm safe now, I can see, and my husband and I have reconciled. I'll never wear short sleeves again, but it's not all bad news.

WOW !! You really have been to "hell" and back. Glad you are safe and have reconciled with your husband. Hold on tight; you are at least trying which is a real plus.


Gerry

What I Did To Me
 

I attempted to tie a rope around my neck over 8 years ago. I ended up calling the suicide hotline in my area, and about 5 days before, kept calling my psychiatrist. I knew something was wrong. She didn't help me at all. She was just going to let me die. She finally sent me to the hospital on the sixth day of my attempted suicide.

The night that I really did attempt a suicide, I was so depressed, that I felt like I was in a black hole.

I had a twine rope wrapped around my neck and wrists, ready to pull and kill myself, and then all of a sudden, something just hit me. I sort of stopped and called the suicide hotline, right before I actually pulled the rope.

Next thing I knew, the next day I was in the hospital and was there for about 5 days. My diagnosis was Bipolar II, PTSD, and GAD at that time.

I've had been to the hospital only 3 times since then, and that was about 8 years ago.

But ever since then, I've been doing really well, even though there had been a lot of medicine changes.

According to my therapist, she says that I am now in remission, but sometimes I don't feel that way.

My friend knew about that rope and because I was being stubborn at the time, I wouldn't give up that rope, until 6 months later.

Sometimes I wish I still had that rope. But I try to cope as well as I can.

Has anyone been in that same position and if so, how did you handle it?

tinytiny63