I swallowed a handful of pills,at age 15..did it,then went straight to my mom,because I was scared to death.Glad I wasn't successful with the attempt,though.

I'm glad too Kristen... Mom's are pretty wonderful to have.

I agree..but,dads aren't too bad to have around either.

i have tried to take my life twice now, and both times i was unsuccessful.
i can't say that i dont think about ending it, because i do...
i was told after my second attempt that Suicide was the cowards way out, and that hit a chord with me, as i thought everyone who knew what i had tried was classing me as a coward... now i think that you have to have a certain amount of bravery to take that final step..

I don't think attempting to kill oneself has anything to do with either cowardice or bravery, but that's just how I think. I do find it sad that people would equate despair with cowardice. I think that is a totally unfair and unreasonable and illogical statement. It doesn't make sense to me.

I know what it's like to be judged but I feel that sometimes when people judge other people that way then they're just talking through their hat with hollow words 'cause they find it easier to judge than to try to understand in a compassionate way, or even just talk about what's going on at all.

It's the same as people who tell others to just "get on with it and forget the past". We are our past. How can people forget the past? That's something I could never understand with my so-called relatives regarding a lot of things that happened in my younger years as a child and teenager. When my relatives used to say things like that to me it was like negating my very existence and the experiences that had made me who I am. I lost my parents very young in life and went to live with relatives who acted all my life as if they had never existed. Not a word. Not one word. I ended up feeling as if I'd been dropped off here from an outer solar system instead of born to beautiful people. Instead of being able to openly deal with grief in a caring environment, it became almost "easy" to just shut it all away.

So, to therealme, I just think that by suggesting that you're a coward for attempting to end your own existence just doesn't make sense to me. It's those sort of comments and treatments that makes people totally shut off from others ... well, it would be for me.

therealme, I'm not sure we've met before. I see you've only made a couple of posts on these forums, but I really hope that you're feeling stronger by now and I also hope that you have someone in your "real" life (apart from here I mean, and we are real too) who cares about therealyou and whatever you do, please don't shut it all away, 'cause sometimes when we shut it all away for far too long, it all just wants to get out in too much of a hurry and then we need to deal with that on a more intense level than getting through from day to day. Sometimes that's what it takes though, just getting through day to day but I'm really hoping you have some good support there to fall back on if you need it.

Please let us know how you're doing.
I don't know you, but I do know I care how you're doing.

hi lara
thank you, yes i have a family in the real world, a wife and 4 children.
and thats what makes my feelings even harder !!!!!!!!!
because of my actions last year, we have lost our home and our family are split up all over then place.
this weekend has been very very hard. i have and still am in a dark space, a place where i visit quite offen.
as for how im doing today !! im not sure, i want to cry, i want to hide, but i also want to try, to get my family back

What an amazing thing you've said there. I really enjoyed reading that. And felt every word. And I agree with you totally. And really want just to say, thank you. So many times people just don't understand how another is feeling. The desperation of sadness' that can overcome any of us. And how we (in my opinion) probably all have had someone treat us as though, "Oh get over it". "Leave it alone". To feel understood is fantastic. I'm going to enjoy this group tremendously!

You are not a coward - you are reaching out for help. We welcome you - post as often as you can.

Mechanical, the hands move
open lips beckoning
the abyss smiles with arms outstretched
waiting for the senses to submit.
Eternity bitter to the tongue
yet mind sweet
the light fades.

I'm not proud of how many times I've tried to end it,starting at age 5,but I probably have broken some type of record.And I don't like people who label others,when they don't know anything about why,or walked in thier shoe's.It's easier to call them crazy!I was actually pronounced as "Legally Insane" in this state by a Judge,back then because I'm a "Cutter"! However I've gone 7 years without cutting now! I stopped for my Dad,because of how much I love him! My 2nd to last cutting episode almost killed me,and they notified next of kin,my Dad! Obviously I had to get the blood transfusions,but I also had to learn how to walk again,which scared the hell out of me to.But my Dad was so terrified of coming so close to losing me,that it was the first time I heard him cry.That was all it took,and I slipped once after that,but then I remembered my Dad,and I stopped! I've been afraid since he passed away,because he was all that was stopping me,so now I look for any excuse not to,and now it's Nico,my little Prince! My Avatar is My "Prince Nico",how could anyone abandon someone that adorable? He's my new pride and joy,and I look back at all of my attempts,which I lost count after like 20,but I'm glad I survived....and I don't like to look at myself as a victim,but a survivor! Even though I am,and will still be paying dearly medically for some of the things I did.I except my consequences!
7 years ago is when I changed completely,I quit drinking,using drugs,and cutting,all at once.And I'm still going clean and sober,and cut free today!
even though my Mom tells me the family would be better off without me about every chance she gets.But she's just her same old self as when I was young,I just understand her better now.She's still playing the victim role!