I honestly don't know why this is proving so difficult for me to do but I'm finding it somehow very revealing and I think moi knew it would be.

Have I made him bigger than life? Has he become my life? Would sharing him with you somehow diminish him for me? I still can't believe that I sent Mistiis his picture and he "became a Christmas ornament" ...

I think I need to work on this........

You don't have to if you don't want to Alffe.

It's hard to write about a person who has died. No matter how. If we post something negative..does it tarnish them? To me no..it makes them more human.

I loved my big brother. Idolized him. But boy howdy did I not like the way he treated girls in high school. We were close in age..so yep..he dated girls in the grade above me. Broke many hearts..on the same night. What a dog. It made him who he was. Gave me something to trease him about when he "grew up".

It is HARD, isn't it?

you don't have to write about it, dear Alpho. As curious said, it is hard. Good or bad.

but, sometimes, we get so consumed about thinking about the bad, that we tend to forget the good sometimes.

So, it is the THOUGHT itself that counts...

I think that's what Pter did...he made us all THINK...posting about it, well, that's another story and we're all different about how much or how little we all like to share.

You don't ever have to post about it, Alpho. But, I am so glad you thought about it. (And did tell me about it and it made me smile. )

~~~~~~~~~~
and thanks for sharing that bit about your bro, curious.
~~~~~~~~~~

in the grand scheme of life, it's all good....good or bad....as long as there is a balance...

((((BIG HUGS)))) for you all

is this work never 'done'?? this.. Process... of Grief... more 'touched"... in these posts, replys, but this really got to me..(((Alffe)))
don't know how to express and may be saying 'wrong' things again in 'wrong' place, or??
see now, that in my Grief pain. Losses... i 'latched' onto your post/words here and unitentionallly 'hi jacked' .thread... sorry...
your words, sharings help me to 'see' so much... that is hard

HOPE -- that "somehow" .. revealing .....
Blessings...
and more 'good tings'
(((Alffe))) whether you choose to keep 'private' or share.... more ....
know this work is revealing.. much...

thanks
...

(((pono))) You know that I hope to be a part of a survivors support group here in my town so I have been trying to get my hands on the "latest" information regarding grief...and surviving. I had so looked forward to attending a lecture last night ..the presenter was a psychiatrist and her talk was Confronting Grief; A Psychiatrist's Perspective.

Words fail me! The only thing I learned in that hour talk was "suicide is considered a complicated grief". I knew that before I walked in the room.
Oh, and I learned the MDD means Major Depressive Disorder.

And then my newsletter came from the support group in Wisconsin and I'd forgotten that it was the rememberance issue and that Michael was "in it" and I cried some happy tears.

One person wrote of their loss..."His life is not defined by the way he died or the day he died, rather by the days that I knew him."

Isn't that so true!

((Pono)) you didn't hijack a thread dear one You saw a post and had a reaction to it, that is why we are here!!

I must admit, I had the same reaction as you to our ((Alffe's)) post. It will never be over. I know that.

But ((Alffe)) brings me such hope. For the one days, the some days... when the pain still there, never forgotten, is not so consuming... when I will be able to think of my Dad, the man he was.. and not just about how he died.

But, even without a death being suicide, the pain is always there. Your loss is so fresh ((pono)) added to so much other pain, physical and emotional.. it is beyond difficult, can feel almost impossible, to feel you can handle the weight of so much pain and grief. You can sweetie, you truly can

We are all here to help you I am here, and I love you Keep talking and sharing, it is healing in it's own right. In all the replies we all send each other...It also, helps spread the light of hope Much love, Nikki

i truly believe talking about grief is the way to grieve...........its a process that has to come out either verbally or physically..............

That latter is violence or illness .....the former can be Anger, Guilt, Sadness, Remorse, or a combination of all.

until you experience grief...........you never know what will come out..........but it will one way or another...........

Alffe you have used your grief to fight a cause, and fight you do...and with extreme conviction ..........your Michael would be so proud of his Mum.

When we grieve we exhale feelings..........Empathetic people pick up on these feelings and help us heal............those with no empathay sadly await their own grief to restart the cycle.
Alffe remain the messenger you are.....for ever.......please...........

David

Oh David, now you've brought another woman to tears! What is it with you....*grin I think Mrs.David is a lucky lady. Thank you for the kind words...I'd like to think that Michael knows it's "because"....

Pter also had such a way with words...


"The eyes of a parent of a child whose death occurred due to suicide are eyes I have always had great difficulty looking into. I have found little difference here in the Forum. Your posts were ones I had great difficulty reading and I rarely responded to them. Why?...because there is a very thin line between a negative or positive understanding of words. My straight to the core manner would be unproductive for a person whose inner core had so recently experienced devastation.

I believe your son's death was an accident. I do not believe for a moment, having been his age and having walked in his shoes, that he understood that his solution would allow him no chance for further solutions. It was an accident. It is not just okay to say your son died due to a shooting accident...it is correct. The momentary action of a gun disallowed him the recourse of reaction with thought. I pray I haven't hurt you. "PTer

***************

And that made it possible for a lot of us, to begin again. The power of words..it still amazes me.

(((alffe and mralffe)))

I remember.

P.S. Edited to add. Weird you mentioned pter today.
I was in my kitchen and I had the tellie on and they were playing really old songs intermingled with the new ones. They played The Rainbow Connection.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...ideoid=2997986

Some day we'll find it,
The Rainbow Connection.

Edited again to add ('cause Im hyped up and can't sleep lol) that I wished we'd called the social chat The Rainbow Connection. However, I figured so many wouldn't really understand what that meant. The Lovers, The Dreamers... and Me.