Anne, in the long run, if you or others keep doing her work and she passes and becomes a nurse, how many will be hurt from her lack of knowledge?

I think you have done what you can.

If her standard of doing well is a 60%, like Alffe said she needs to grow up and accept responsibilty.

If her family doesn't have the money, then she needs to apply for a work permit ( or what they have there down under) and earn her own way to take these course again and pass at a higher %.

Find all the resources you can. Give them to your cousin. Not to be harsh, but it sounds like she passing this all onto you. When you take in an exchange student, they become your family while they are there.

You are not to blame, no matter what.

I just saw the last bit...YAY!! She needs that extension and you should be proud of her when she asks. Awesome!!

Thank you ladies.

Alffe, I know that it would not be my fault should she carry through her threat, but I couldn't live with myself if she did. My common sense agrees with you, but my conscience won't.

Abbie thank you for the Adult English studies idea. I don't know if they offer it free here but I will suggest it to my cousin. She can look into that part. I've already suggested the Uni councelor, but that idea hit a brick wall.

Curious, I suggested the work visa thing to my cousin yesterday, but she changed the subject. I'll be phoning her soon, so I'll bring it up again.

Thank you for your suggestions.

Is her goal to have a nursing degree in China? If so, I wonder if there is any way she could study in China?

I feel sorry that you have been put into such a troubling position.

She intends to gain her nursing degree then return to China to work. I don't know the reason why she didn't consider doing it in China, but that's irrelevant now because she's here, and here for that reason only.

Her family have paid the fees in advance ($25,000-$30,000), so she really has to work hard. I don't know if they lose their money if she fails.

The university where she's studying has an excellent name overseas (and in Oz), and it attracts students from all over the world. Maybe that was part of the reason, I don't know. Maybe degrees obtained in English speaking countries have greater standing where she lives; maybe they guarantee employment at the best establishments.... I don't know, but I do know it's probably not a good time to ask her about it now. Not when we're going through this traumatic period.

You might just need to be firm with your cousin, that you will not ever do the school work for anyone in a situation like this.

And that the stress and now the pressure from her and the girl is not good for your health at all.

If the girl can't cut it she needs to help herself - a job, free English lessons etc
She really should go to the school and ask for help there.
as others suggested.

I'm miffed that your cousin is putting you in this spot.

((Koala)) I can't offer any suggestions other haven't already... I just wanted to let you know I was holding you in my thoughts during this trying time. Much love my friendNikki

Koala


I read your thread at work earlier today, i could not respond then so now i will try .


We as individual human beings are entirely responsible for everything we do in this life [unless we have diminshed resonsibility through ill health]

The young lady in question has overdosed on her family's expectations of her self. I am a firm belever that we owe are children everything, yet we owe our parents nothing [other than resPect]
As children we arrive not through choice, but via the choice of a human couple [our parents]

To bestowe a parents hardship on their child is woeful.............but it happens daily arround the world.

In some countries your offspring are there,... not only to enhance your life...but there to potentialy pro-long your life.......................

This poor girl....has her family's life/future [on her shoulders] a burdn no child should carry.


Most Universities around the world have ....health workrs/welfare worekers.

My ADVICE to you Dear Koala.......is take her by the hand to a relevant Social Care representative of the University..prefereably with a Chineeese speaking individual who can convey to this young lady anything she does not understand.

Then formaly tell the Social/health/welfare worker what this young woman is contemplating..............................

State her failure is driven by the overwhelming presure to perform and succeeed by her family .....and their expectations.

It may upset the young lady to her her dilema expossed in front of others.........but if it prevents her from SUICIDE..........so be it........#
#

She may even then ...........if offered imideate counselling to overcome her grief of failure ..............with the realisation that........although we came from family.......................the life we now have is our's and the choices we make should also be ours...ASWELL.................

To live a life for someone else.............or live it by the design of others is.....a sham...................................it becomes an existance and not a life.........

Firmly place this young girl's crisis into the hands of professionals..........who can help her see her dilema is caused by THE over expectation, from her family...........and with foresight.........if she had any other job, and pursued it with conviction.................she could if relevant repay her parents and support them in the future if iT's the intended reason for their expectation.


Koala..................you have done your part as a decent human being.................THE TRUE RESPONSIBILITY /GUILT/ SHOULD be firmly placed upon the young lady's family...............[what a cruel burden to lay upon a mere child....more so in a foreign country...........shame on them i say]


David

Culutre is a difficult subject....................because we dont live it...............its hard to understand.....................but that does not mean we have to accept it.

When some one moves away from their existing culture..............they should engage with other culutures..........they may then see thier own cultures in a different light..............and realise what a BIG WORLD THIS IS.

Thank you Nikki and David. Thank you everybody.


I spent 2 hours on the telephone with my cousin last night. She phoned again just now (that was another hour) and I've been trying so hard to get her to see things from my point of view.

My cousin is one of those people who has a very strong personality. You probably know some-one just like her. She's the type that talks over you all the time, and doesn't listen to anything that you're trying to say. She thinks and talks of no-one but herself. Then there's me.... I'm the exact opposite. I am rather meek and thinned skinned. I'm easily hurt and people tend to walk all over me. They use me up until I have no more to give, then they move onto the next sucker...... but enough of me.

When I was talking to my cousin I asked her why Alice is studying here in Oz, and it seems the reason is because there aren't enough university places in China to accommodate all the students seeking placement, so in order to get their qualifications, many students have to head overseas.

The fee her parents paid is not $30,000, it's actually nearer to double that, and because this girl's parents don't have much money, their future as well as Alice's future, all depend on Alice getting these qualifications.

I told my cousin the basics of what you all suggested. I stressed the importance of Alice getting a better education in the English language, (she's 28 and not 23 as I previously thought!) but when I suggested adult education, or deferring nursing and taking English at university instead, I was shot down.

To fulfill her visa requirements she must be studying full time and apparently university English studies don't offer enough subjects to satisfy those requirements. I did suggest that a job filling shelves at a local supermarket would probably give her enough money to pay any extra fees she might need to do another English course, but my suggestion met a brick wall. Alice still will not accept that she has a problem.

I explained to my cousin the importance of seeing a councilor and getting their advice; telling them what Alice has been saying about suicide, and letting them know how badly she is doing so with this first assignment. I told her that they have interpreteurs for Alice to make it easier for her to understand.

Last night my cousin agreed, and said she'd phone today and make an appointment. Today she tells me she can't do this to Alice....that she couldn't put her on the spot with the university, so I let her know that she could either embarrass her by seeking help with a councilor now, or see her off on a plane home to China in disgrace when she fails. I left the decision up to her.

Then I washed my hands of Alice!

I know that I'll probably regret this, but I told her I can't help Alice any more. I've spent nearly two weeks working with her on part one of this 5 part assignment, and she still hasn't finished it.

I am emotionally drained. I'm still terrified that Alice will take her own life if she fails, and I know I will blame myself if she does, but I just don't know what else I can do.

I felt like a coward but I attempted to save face by telling them both that my DD arrives from another state tomorrow, and as I haven't seen her for a whole year, I don't have any more time to work with Alice on this paper. All of that is true, but it worries me so much that these threats from Alice are hanging over my head. I don't need this, especially during my daughter's visit.

I know I did what I could, and I know that it's up to Alice now. I just wish I could shed this feeling of gloom.

We all know you did your best to help her.
But at some point your cousin and "Alice " need to step up and do what is best. And that point is now.

Maybe she needs someone to help her in person, and with a similar language/background.

now you....
Enjoy your family time with your daughter