[Nik-key]

My niece and nephew live here with me, we talk all the time. I tell them every single day they are safe with me, that there is nothing we can't talk about. We talk often about their past with domestic abuse and about Grampa's suicide. I make sure we do not have any elephants in this house!!

The other night my 10 year old niece came out and asked if she could watch the video I made for Grampa again. While viewing it she turned to me .. with tears in her eyes she asked how could he hurt us so badly? Why did he do it? Didn't he love us?

Well hell!!!!

It is hard trying to forgive someone who leaves you by way of a violent suicide. It shreds your heart and cuts you to your very core.

It is one thing for me to carry these burdens in my heart. It is another thing entirely to let these questions haunt and torment my little niece. I don't want her to have to carry this in her heart, festering and ruining her promising life for years to come.

I reached deep inside me... to the place where I just know beyond any shadows of any doubts, how deeply Dad loved us all. I tried to explain to her the best way I could.... with many many prayers for guidance!!

Part of what I told her is about how much Dad loved us. How he showed us in many different ways every day of our lives. How we could not let one single act, take away all the other acts of love. I tried to explain rational thought to her, and after some failed attempts... said in all his pain, he forgot........ it clicked with her.

She came out a little later.... piece of paper in hand... this is what she wrote.

On Angels Wings, My Grampa!

You seem to have floated away
Away so fast you forgot about me
You forgot to tell me why you left
You forgot to let me say goodbye
You forgot that I was here
And you, were there.

You forgot.

It’s ok Grampa, I love you!!

ACCCCCCK!!! Out of the mouths of babes…………….