Shoot The Damn Dog A Memoir of Depression by Sally Brampton

"I once read a theory about "positive thinking" that seems to me to be true or, at least, made a sufficient impression on me to remember it. I have always been distrustful of positive thinking, believing it to be as fixed and unyielding as negative thinking. Yet it is the advice most often offered to depressives. That is does not work seems not to occur to those who offer it up like some benevolent panacea. Perhaps it works for them or perhaps they are a product of some positive thinking gene pool. Who knows? Anyways, here is the theory that helped me. I hope that it will help you too.

Imagine that you are driving a car, and that you are heading straight for a brick wall. If you stay in habitual or rigid thinking (the sort of thinking that says, "this is the way I always do things) and do not change the direction in which you are headed, you will drive your car into the brick wall.

Now imagine that you are driving that same car towards that same brick wall. Now use positive thinking to imagine that the way is, in fact, a tunnel. It is not, of course, you simple hope or wish that it is a tunnel but it is the same old, intractable brick. You still drive your car into the wall.

You are in the same car, facing the same wall except that you use creative or constructive thinking. You see the wall as an obstacle set dead ahead and see that it is solid and immovable. You use your thinking to change direction and drive your car around it.

Understanding that our thinking is not always helpful sounds so obvious and simple. So does changing our thinking, yet both are formidable difficult to do, perhaps because, most of the time, we never question it. We just go right ahead and do what we have always don, in the same way we have always done it. We crash into relationships, mess up jobs, ruin friendships and all because we believe that our way is the right way.

There is a saying: "I'd rather be right than happy."
And here is another, "My way or no way."

I see that wall as a symbol for an obstacle (or obstacles, there may be many) in our emotional make-up. If we go on behaving in the same way, we will crash. If we pretend that those obstacles in our character don't exist, or are something else entirely, we will still crash. But if we acknowledge them and behave in a different way, we will come to a better and safer place. Or at least we will, until we meet the next one."

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Her words so reminded me of our Pters words:


As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.

I am cheating because I can't say any better than what abbie's said...

but I am thinking of you, Manda...

I have my take on religion and such, but that's something that I hesitate to discuss in forums...

what I WILL say is this..

"Religion" is about finding your spiritual self....whether that's through church, philosophy, gurus, doolahs, superman, or a piece of rock...

whatever makes you feel your self-worth....that SPIRITUALITY, is what is important...

I could also go into a whole mess of transcendentalism and/or existentialism and/or empirical-ism....

but as Abbie's said, there has to be THAT comfort zone....and even if you find one that's comfortable, you might still move on and try again...

don't settle, know that you're too special to settle....

sorry if my view would've have offended anyone...that's just my take on things....

i don't mean to sound needy....but please pray for me tonight.....
...i'll explain later

Thank you for trusting us as members of NeuroTalk. You will find tremendous support and genuine understanding here. Your friends who appear to have turned away from your cries for help - and I KNOW that hurts - simply have no inkling what to say or do. They don't want to accidentally make things worse by saying the wrong thing. So they are silent. Please investigate all avenues of therapy: medications, counseling, case management through a Mental Health and Mental Retardation Center, exercise if you can manage it, prayer, and calling on us. Someone in an above post noted that you are young. Youth can be a painful time, but the best time for hope. Finally, I know that you are ready to escape the pain and suffering, but I know that you couldn't want to die, since you have no idea what that is like - except that it's the end of all choices. And right now, there are so many choices. God Bless You, and keep writing. billie

hi all,
i did something last night that i needed to do for awhile. i went and deleted a bunch of bad memories and got rid of some material things that also held bad memories. it took a lot out of me. more than a few tears, too.

but...something happened. i met a new friend and her and i went out for coffee. it felt nice to know i can still be attractive as a friend.

i'm starting to wonder about the balance in the world....that is, is one always achieved? i wonder.

i'm really trying to be patient and wait for that referral. i've been writing a lot more. i actually even WROTE out some goals for myself. something about writing them out that makes me more likely to stick to them.

thanks for your thoughts...i'm still not sure my view point on religion....but some sort of energy is going through the air right now....it's interesting to be open to it.

thank you all, i know i keep going through such downtimes and it's probably not the greatest thing to read every day. i'm trying.

I believe in the balance of the world. But I don't believe the balance is always achieved (but wish so) in one's life time.

I always refer back to Beethoven...who died of pain and illness and poverty...yet, he lives on forever...

I think of some of the Roman Emperors, who engaged in orgies and lascivious life style (Caligula comes to mind) that killed and murdered and raped at will...
then, he was assissinated and hated til this day...

I think of the babies that never even have a chance to make it out of their mothers' womb but of their contribution to others because it will make the doctors document, ask questions, do more research, and try better...and in a way, that's a kind of balance...

I wonder at the evils in this world, that if we didn't have them, would we know what good means?

If we never have chaos, why have order?

I believe in balance...I believe there are balances that we can try to achieve on our own, but I also believe in balances that are destined for itself...the ones we may never know of, but that will still be there...

"It all ends in sync"
"for every positive, there's a negative and vice versa"

it is from these philosophies that we have science...

it is from this philosophies that we have the "Alpha and the Omega"

Without the Alpha, why have the Omega?

Yes, I believe in balance...

and I believe in you, Manda....

It's hard to know why we're here, particularly when there is so much pain within us and we are lonely. I suffer from major depression, obsessive thoughts, anxieties and fears which keep me essentially housebound. But we end all possibilities of hope at death. Until then, we can anticipate that change will be ongoing and that, with effort at concentrating on the positive, that change will be positive. We have no idea what death holds. I don't know this, but my sense is that you are relatively young and do in fact have a good chance of meeting a partner that will accept and support you. No one can understand us entirely and cannot come too close unless they have the same essential conditions. What are the good things in your life? Do you have chronic pain or one of the major medical conditions? Do you suffer body dysmorphic disorder and [falsly] hate going out for fear of how you look. Do you have work, family? If you are in fairly good physical health and social anxiety/self image is fair, Hang on to these good things and grow them by concentrating on them as opposed to the negative. Even as I say this, I am all too well aware of how hard it is to do, and I am barely taking baby steps toward positive changes in myself. But we are here for a reason, and part of that reason is to learn how to live. This life is the chance we have for that, and that ends with death, leaving us unprepared, I believe. Bless You for coming to this forum for help. It is a great thing to do. So many of us share your conditions and feelings. May God Bless You and, through this forum and other events, show you the way out. billie

hi all,
it's been a very busy time for me. i will write you all back this weekend.
i've been keeping you close all week as i've been trying to keep my head and heart on track.

love you all
manda

praying that i get a call from the doctor i was referred to. i don't know how much longer i can be "patient"