this is long overdue:

SoCal: thank you for the response. And welcome to the board I hope I can offer you support the way that you have offered ME support!

I won't be so vague finally. I'm in the mood to write. I went back to the old city to see family and friends. I kind of started seeing a guy from there so I've been going back quite a bit. Great guy. I felt comfortable telling him all about these issues. But on the weekend, I found out the long distance thing just isn't going to work out. I became very frustrated b/c it seems every decision I make isn't ever good enough. I don't know what to do. I want to buy a place but I'm not sure what city to buy in (I know that sounds trivial, but it's a big deal to me). I'm very family oriented so I'm not sure if buying away from home is a good idea. But I hate that city so much. BUT one day I should confront it. I can't run from it forever. That new job I started in June is just a term position til the end of Sept so I've been a bit stressed that I won't be able to find work, with the economy the way it is obviously.

Abbie: Thanks for always reminding me to breathe. You always keep me so grounded. I'm trying really hard. I'm waiting to get a referral to a psychiatrist. I've been off meds since June. So I'm proud that I've been hanging in there, but honestly, every day is a struggle. I think people think I'm dramatic. But honestly, it's a struggle every day. "Why should I wake up this morning, Manda?" "Because this is your life, Manda. Now get up." Every morning.

Bluemajo: I miss talking to you every night. Let's try and keep in touch more

BMW: I've truly missed you so much. You always make me just stop. All the thoughts in my head just stop whenever you write me. I hope you never stop. I'm glad you make me realize that these are just little storms. Sometimes they feel like the real thing. But I need to remember it'll pass. They always do. But god, when you're in that storm, it never feels like it will.

FOR EVERYONE: I don't ask this enough (and I hope you don't think I'm ungrateful, it's just been a tough year) but, HOW ARE YOU?? I've noticed some of my friends haven't been around here much...let me know you're ok.