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06-25-2010, 11:54 PM | #1 | |||
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Ever since I stopped deluding myself about the loyalty of my friend, I've stopped having any positive thought about my life. I think I've given up on any hope of happiness. I don't want to make friends, I don't want to go out and do things, I don't want a better job or more money. I just want to sit here and do nothing and not have to have any direct contact with anyone.
This is the best I can do. This is the happiest I'll ever be. I'll be sad and alone forever, and God willing, forever won't be very long. I get up, go to work, come home, do nothing, go to sleep. That's all I've got left. If I'm feeling really energenic I might play a computer game for a few minutes. I'll watch other people have lives, I just don't want one anymore. I'm sorry I can't be happy. I'm sorry I can't give anything back to you for listening to me whine all the time. I'm sorry I can't help anyone else. I can barely focus long enough to read. No one should listen to my advice anyway. All I can do is feel sad when someone else is sad, and hope that maybe God will make them feel a little better because I'm hurting for them. I won't commit suicide, that would be giving me something that I really want, at the expence of the few people that would notice. And since I don't want to make anyone's life worse, I'll sit here and suffer so they won't have to. I've soehow managed to survive the pain of living for so long already, I guess I can do it some more. I won't be selfish, I'll keep hurting so others won't, even though they'll never notice I'm suffering for them.
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~ Lonely1 |
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06-26-2010, 12:07 AM | #2 | |||
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Lonely1 I hate it that you are so unhappy. I don't know what to say to you. Does it matter that so many of us care about you?
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Addy (06-26-2010), Alffe (06-28-2010), Burntmarshmallow (06-29-2010), DejaVu (07-06-2010), Rrae (06-26-2010), tamiloo (07-02-2010), thelonely1 (06-26-2010), Wren (06-26-2010) |
06-26-2010, 08:16 AM | #3 | |||
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tl1
I don't get on here often but feel compelled to reply to your post. You have no idea how much you "give back". Just the mere fact that you are in this community gives back so much!!! I love reading your posts you are so supportive! I understand the feeling of being lonely....how can I be surrounded by so many people and still feel so ALONE. I'm not sure if you are "talking" to a professional, but if you are not I hope you will give it some consideration. You are a wonderful person and I just wish you could believe that about yourself!! Please hang in there.......... Dottie
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God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Addy (06-26-2010), Alffe (06-28-2010), barbo (06-26-2010), Burntmarshmallow (06-29-2010), DejaVu (07-06-2010), Rrae (06-26-2010), tamiloo (07-02-2010), thelonely1 (06-26-2010), Wren (06-26-2010) |
06-26-2010, 11:48 AM | #4 | |||
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Barbo, of course it helps that people here care about me, it's the only thing that gets me by sometimes.
Jaded I wish I could see that about myself too, and no I'm not seeing any professionals; I can't afford it anyway. Plus I'm bad at talking to people, that's why I come here, where I don't actually have to talk, and it's all anonymous. Besides, like I said, I think I've given up; I have no desire to try anymore. Thanks for the words and the thoughts though...
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~ Lonely1 |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (06-28-2010), barbo (06-26-2010), Burntmarshmallow (06-29-2010), DejaVu (07-06-2010), tamiloo (07-02-2010) |
06-26-2010, 05:12 PM | #5 | |||
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Senior Member
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thelonely1
I wrote this for you my friend My every waking day is lonely No friends I have to name Every day the same thing Everything the same. I did not choose this lifestyle I crave to change my way But life is so damn empty What day is it now today? The keys in my head that lock my mind Play loudly in my head They clank and jingle as they lock out the world And make all human contact dead. I will only conquer solitude, If I open up the door And show the world in full. What I was like before. I must cast aside my fragile thoughts Of pain, hurt, and rejection And canvas hard and meet the crowd And try to win election. Friends won’t always defeat loneliness They won’t always be around But if I like myself, and walk alone My feet are, firmly on the ground. I must cast off this cloak of isolation And go out and venture boldly Smile at my own insecurities, And treat remoteness coldly. I’m only alone if I choose to be I must remind my mind of that Today I’ll be a different man And wear a different hat. If I close my eyes and imagine a life I can invent my life from thoughts I can be anything I want to be With a pay check full of noughts. I’m the master of my destiny The captain of my ship I will see loneliness as temporary As just a little blip. I am only lonely if I choose to be This mantra will set me free And when people choose not to interact I will smile knowing the rejection was not from me. I will hurt no more from solitude And now treat it as my friend Because I know for sure. I like myself, and I’m not as lonely as before. I will beat this trap I have fallen in Come Winter Spring or Fall And I will spend my life just listening To other lonely people: when they call. David ps. Use the key and unlock your mind, and the world will seem less obscure.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Addy (06-27-2010), Alffe (06-28-2010), barbo (06-26-2010), Burntmarshmallow (06-26-2010), DejaVu (07-06-2010), Koala77 (06-26-2010), Lisa in Ohio (06-28-2010), Rrae (06-26-2010), tamiloo (07-02-2010), thelonely1 (06-26-2010), Wren (06-26-2010) |
06-26-2010, 06:06 PM | #6 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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WOW DMAC . No words to follow ... lovely reply .
I wanted to say in an odd way sometimes if we stop trying to find something.. when we stop trying to make something happen, when we stop trying to see..... that is when thing happen ...that is when we see ...that is when we find things and things find us!! Thinking of you Lonely1 PEACE BMW |
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