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-   -   My Dad and a butterfly ..... (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/89549-dad-butterfly.html)

Burntmarshmallow 06-12-2009 07:17 PM

I will share a personal secret ...
when my Dad passed away ..I was a teen he was cremated . after when I was 16 my mom decided to move and she put the ashes around the garden at the house before she moved. I stayed and tryed to fininsh Highschool worked being maid and paid rent all that. anyways the "bring to my grave" secret is that after mom sperad the ashes of my Dad I went to the garden and took some of my Dads ashes. oh I know that may have been a very bad thing but I was a kid and gees I just dont know :( :confused: :( but there is no undoing what I did so many years ago. anywyas I took the ashes some of them and kept them in a cermic vase thing i made in school . when I moved to florida I spread them here at the beach and on the rocks where we as a family came on vacations every summer. Dad always sat on the bench 27th ave beach ramp here. and night as family we would walk the beach from 27th ave to the rocks a.k.a. the jetty. I spread the last of his ashes there at the end opf the jetty.
It has brought me so much peace. i have been able to bring my babies and now they arev18 and 14 all the time to the beach and jetty and i have so much comfort. It is like my Dad in a way has gotten to watch my 2 girls grow and he is always there . I wrote a poem about this if i can find it I will come back and add it.
I feel like when the sea shells wash up he is there and my dad is there feeding off the thing we write in the sand and in every sand castle we have built.
I think I have tears strolling down my face right now and it is hard too see the key board .
I feel bad taking my a bit Dads ashes... but I did :( :confused:
and i have not told anyone except my kids and hub...and even then I only told them that my dad ashes were put in those places..I never told that I took some from the garden.
It is a take to your grave thing for me. May God and my Dad understand and forgive me. PLEASE KEEP MY SECRET :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

P.S. Nikki I did not mean to highjack your thread..I just read it and this came out. I am sorry. Your post made me remember and want to confess or share or something I dunno...it is one of those days. Please understand and forgive me for my post above. Your Dad is letting you know he is right there.

Alffe 06-12-2009 07:26 PM

How lovely BMW....your dad would much rather be at the beach, watching the kids than in the garden. :hug: Thanks for sharing that and we won't tell a soul. *grin

Addy, loved seing the pictures. :grouphug:

Burntmarshmallow 06-12-2009 07:44 PM

Alffe Mom thanks for saying that it means SOOOO much.
having my Dad here at the beach and what you think both mean tons. I am glad you dont think it was very horrible what I did. thanks for that. Ya know I am not very church smart and well for all know I could be red flaged by the higher power up in the sky. and my Dad
:hug:
PEACE
BMW

Brokenfriend 06-13-2009 02:46 AM

Nik-key
 
I use to catch butterflies when I was a teenager. I spent years catching them as a matter of fact.

It is very,very rare to have a butterfly crawl onto your hand,but it's happened for me before. That type of butterfly is called a tiger swallowtail. I love them. I love butterflies. The butterfly has long been a symbol of ressurrection.

When my mother died,cactus plants where blooming with flowers at my brother in laws house. These symbolic things are of great comfort. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Koala77 06-13-2009 03:16 AM

In my mind yellow has always been for remembrance Nikki. When my FIL died I sent heaps and heaps of yellow roses. I hope he understood.

Nik-key 06-13-2009 03:48 AM

Goodness.......:hug:

I actually almost didn't write this thread. What a shame that would have been! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, thank you all so much for sharing. :hug: It is so personal, but I just knew you guys would understand.:)

((Addy)) You got me to crying first, did you say Hi to Dad on his way to see me? ;) And yes, very cool! Thank you for sharing your story and the pictures:hug: It is indeed a wonderful thing :hug:

((Lara)) so beautiful:hug: I planted what we call Johnny jump ups, they are perinial miniature panisies at Dad's grave. Now I will think of them having faces:hug:

((Steve)) I'm not sure I am up to catching them, but I am researching plants to attract them :)

((Koala)) so good to see you my dear friend:hug: I am very sure he understood!

((BMW)) Angel friend of mine:hug: I can't see where you did anything wrong! You must know your Dear Dad is not upset with you for taking a small piece of him with you. As for God, I think, if He can shed tears, he did that day watching you:hug: I think it was a very beautiful thing you did.

I have some of Dad's ashes. I bought a set of little keepsake urns to put them in. I plan to put some in his favorite places, I know he would like that:hug:

Here I was worried some of you might think I was a nut:rolleyes: I just love you guys!:hug:

Koala77 06-13-2009 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nik-key (Post 522797)
....I have some of Dad's ashes. I bought a set of little keepsake urns to put them in. I plan to put some in his favorite places, I know he would like that:hug:

I wonder if one day you might put them in that special garden that you'd planned in his memory. Just a thought.

Thinking of you ....now and always. :hug:

Nik-key 06-13-2009 04:28 AM

I had 4 of the keepsake urns filled.

I have the dirt we dug up from where we buried him.... and I plan to scatter the ashes from one of them in the memorial garden I plan to make. My plans were delayed due to placing Lynn, but I think I am ready to start it. ((Koala)) How special it is to me that you remembered :hug:

I gave one to my step mom... Now there is a story! Dad retired after his brother died, he turned his energy to yard work. They have over 40 acres so the man was always busy! They have a swamp that my Dad just hated! He spent the better part of the last 10 years trying to fill in that swamp!
He cussed and cussed, and always said... when I die, just throw me in the damn swamp! So, we did. Some of his ashes are in that swamp, and I just know Heaven was filled with Dad's hearty laughter when we did.:hug:

The third one, I will hike up to our local mountain, Red Hill and scatter them there. Dad traveled all over the world in his 25 years of military service. He told me later in life how every time he came home on leave, he would stare at the mountain, how he felt he was home only when he saw it. After all those years of travel he never wanted to go anywhere. He always always said, can you see Red Hill from there? No? Then I ain't going! LOL. So yes, I will scatter some on Red Hill. Perhaps on Father's Day, or his birthday.....

The last one, is to be mixed with my ashes when God calls me Home. :hug:

Burntmarshmallow 06-13-2009 01:37 PM

I found the poem I was looking for :)

Naww I dont think my dad minds .... besides my 2 girls he has also been able to watch my sisters 3 girls and my sisters grands all 8 of them grow , growing (the grands are still little) at the beach here. I know he is happy with a bit of him here at the beach and rocks. besides me and Dad always had a secret shared between us...this is just another of our secrets
a very special dear one.
:Heart::Heart::Heart::Heart::Heart:

Chiefs alter (for Dad a.k.a. “chief”)

My chronicle returns to chiefs alter,

That is bolted to cement-covered starting line of foreshore.

Rambling and saunter the stretches of beach between spaced accesses,

Emerging onto the jetting bouldered destination,

A small tribe gathers to mug up noshing the stash.

Retracing as cool smooth sticky sand cradles my feet.

Climbing back threw warm white powder, that squeals beneath me.

The pack assembles to drench crystal ocean dust away.

Now ashes have been mixed in this dirt and sand.

Here songs are many, waves of far off times splash into my ears.

Brining you granddaughters you’ve yearned to know.

The ocean churns up sparkled seashells at their feet,

Breezes whisper soothing dreams into their souls.

A large tribe gathers to mug up.

Along pointy rocks that poke the oceans side.

Nik-key 06-15-2009 03:30 PM

((BMW)) Such a beautiful poem, thank you for sharing it with us:hug:


I would like to share a picture of the wall quilt a dear friend gave me for Christmas.
He designed it then had local artists create it. It is a combination of painting and quilting.
I cried when I opened it, it will always be one of my special treasures:hug:

http://i44.tinypic.com/24b5efq.jpg


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