Since Dad's burial last June I have a new love. Butterflies. Yellow ones in particular.

That day was so traumatic. First I helped to lay him in the ground, and then we had the public service. All through the day, when I thought surly my life was ending, there was this spectacular pale yellow butterfly dancing around the graveside.

At first, I was angry at that poor little butterfly, just as I was angry at the sun for shining, the world for turning. Every single time I broke down, that damn butterfly would wisp by. When the words being said were too much , when the pain was too much to bear, I took to watching that butterfly.

After the service, I left our favorite flowers with him, yellow roses.. and we went down to the local church for the "reception". It was more than I could take. I made my way back to his grave, I needed to be alone to say good-bye. As soon as I saw the stone I fell apart. I half walked half crawled to be beside him.

My husband found me there, sobbing, sprawled across the stone. When he was trying to help me up, I happened to look down.. and there on the roses, the butterfly was resting. Yellow roses, and a yellow butterfly. If not for the whispering movement of his wings, I wouldn't have seen him.

I sat there stunned, just starring at that butterfly. I sat back down, and placed my hand near the flowers. I inched closer and closer to him, he never made a hint at moving. As I put my finger beneath its belly, the butterfly sat on my hand. I sat there like that, in awe, for some time.

A quote came to me.... I can't remember when I first heard it, but I know it was my Dad who told it to me....

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,
it turned into a butterfly."

It has been a year since that day, and I still can not find words to express the emotions that flew through me at that moment. I knew Dad was at peace. I knew he was there with me.

Every single time I have gone to his grave, I have seen a yellow butterfly. Not orange, purple, blue...but yellow. Crazy to think Dad came to me by way of a butterfly? Perhaps. But, it brings me peace.




I love you Daddy

Ah Nik-key... thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Of couse the butterfly is your Dad!
wow

Nikki, that was so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing

I have always dreamed with something like that happening to me.... still waiting for something as magic as that in my life....
Those little messages God send... wow. Im so glad to read you had one

That's beautiful Nikki, and I don't doubt for a minute that your dad was and is with you. sssss and prayers.....

I believe with all my heart Nikkey that your dad is with you every minute of every day.

Often I feel my brother here with me, especially when I play his favorite songs. I often feel like I have a sixth sense about things & that at times of great crisis in life, I have an angel looking after me...That Angel's name...Mark.

I use to believe that there are some things that seem too precious to share. Then I came to know, it isn't that they are too precious, you just need to find special people who will understand. I have found that here with all of you and I thank you for giving me a safe place to share

I should mention, I wasn't the only one who noticed the butterfly that day. It was another family member who pointed out to me that the butterfly had landed on my shoulder when I was breaking. In my heart, I know it was Dad

I too believe that Dad is with me. Those closest to me - know about the butterfly..... they know whenever I see a yellow butterfly, I am going to talk to it. Yep, I carry on conversations with them as if it were my Dad .

What is kind of neat, last week was a hard one for all of us. Me, my sis and the kids were all out in the yard. We saw a yellow butterfly, but this time it wasn't just me that said Hi. 4 Voices rang out greeting Dad in their own way. Through the tears, we all burst out laughing. Such a gift

((BJ)) Thank you for sharing your Angel ((Mark)) with us

Aw, how nice is that Nikki.

Awesome.

I still cant hear or see my angels

In her book From A Healing Heart, the author, whose son Jody completed suicide shares the mystery of a single Black-eyed Susan that grows on her sons grave every year, out of season.

"Whether it was a sign from Jody or from God; perhaps a bird dropped a Black-eyed Susan seed on the fresh grave, it brought me relief. I felt that my son wasn't far away, and that his spirit would always be with me.

If nothing more, it helped to begin to think of Jody there, at the gravesite. He was dead, and I began to accept that. I started to realize that I would never again see his form as I had known it. But his spirit would be close and would guide me. I would not forget him and what we shared. He would always be special. What we gave to one another, what we had meant to each other, would not die or diminish with the passage of years, and it has not. Each year since Jody's death, a single Black-eyed Suman has grown on his grave.

It is a comfort and a joy. It is a remarkable phenomenon that now makes me smile rather than cry.

Jody was a kid who never forgot my birthday, and never outgrew giving his mom flowers. I choose to believe he still hasn't.

There are many mysteries in life and death that can't be explained, and I think shouldn't be, just accepted."

From A Healing Heart by Susan White-Bowden

*********

yep... this place is pretty special!

Nik-key... a yellow butterfly flew through my yard this morning... I'm quite sure he was on his way to see you as he flitted by rather quickly... but I knew his intent... he reminded me of you .... isn't that cool!?!!

You might all notice my atvar is a picture of what I think is a siamese cat sitting in the sunset. (The sunset reminds me of my life living by the ocean in Vancouver - friends and I would have cocktails on our 21'st floor roof in the evenings). One of my special friends: Maureen - always talked about this particular seagull that would sit on the roof railing as we talked... we all called the Seagull "Bud" - he was her long passed away partner. A few years ago, Maureen got a brain tumour and died... and darned if there isn't another seagull who has joined Bud! To this day, when I go to that rooftop - I toast with both Maureen and Bud.

Isn't a wonderful feeling to be reminded that our loved ones are with us forever.


These pics were taken in 2007.

When I was a very little child, my mother passed away and I couldn't find her anywhere. I went out into the garden and saw her there in all the flowers. I actually don't remember her face, but I do know that even when I go into the garden so many decades later, I see her in all the flowers. I have a special love for pansies with their little faces. I know she's always there... somewhere.