Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree in the school playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this one with my son's red crayon on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find any more free time in the next eighteen years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs (in any color, except purple, which I already have) that don't ache after a day of chasing kids. I'd like arms that don't flap in the breeze and that are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with fingerprint - resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs with talking animals, and an invisible closet where I can hide and talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy," to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be out of the children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog. And please, don't forget the Play-Doh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschooler's. It comes in three fluorescent colors guaranteed to crumble on any carpet and make the in-laws house seem just like home.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning to the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature and not served in a styrofoam container.

If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without them demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized-crime family. Could you please make my toddler not look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under the laundry-room door and wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Oh, and one more thing Santa: You can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in you.

Always,

Mom

Ketchup isn't a vegetable?????

Oh and the keeping children young enough to believe in you. Lordy that is breaking my heart. Robert in second grade took the news of Santa Claus matter of factly. Michael on the other hand believes with all his heart. Last summer in his cooking class when some older boys told him there was no Santa Claus he very angrily told them that he knew for a fact there is a Santa Claus because his mommy and daddy are always broke at Christmas time so there is no way they could afford all of those toys. Made the cooking teacher have to leave the classroom and when he told me, I almost wet my pants.

Earlier this month he told me that he still believed and everybody else was just crazy. He said that if he didn't get a set of drums and a Nintendo Wii for Christmas, he'd know there was no Santa. I've been trying to break it to him as gently as possible that this is not going to be a break your bank Christmas because Daddy has less than two weeks left on his contract. I told him that all that was going to be under the tree was gifts from Santa because we couldn't afford to buy lots of gifts to each other. I've been strongly hinting that we should ask Santa for things we need this year instead of things we want to take some of the financial burden off of Daddy. Then yesterday he was so excited after chess class that he could take classes next semester at the home school store. I signed him up for four really cool classes and then he asked if he could ask Santa to pay his tuition. Dang, that made me so relieved. Robert is getting his camp paid for by Santa too, so it's going to be pretty cool for both of them. Now it's going to be a pretty nice Christmas since Nintendo didn't make enough Wii's anyway and Santa is having a hard time finding them.

Thanks for warming my heart...now I better stop reading here and go make my 8 damn dozen cookies.

LOL that's really cute. Thanks for sharing.

Allfe, that is so sweet thanks for the smile!!

Julie, seethere is till a lot to smile about!!

Linda