I have had loads of practice saying NO! I come from a long line of beggars, and whiners. They always throw their children into the conversation. "what about the children?! how will they get to school, the MD, the after school programs?!" I have been taken advantage of, ripped off, lied to, manipulated, and bent into pretzels with guilt before I finally put my foot down and said NO MORE! I felt guilty and upset for a long time after they would call, but with each call, I got stronger and stronger. I can say NO! in a heart beat now. I can hear the stories about "the children" and "you dont understand!" but I wont bend. As I told my sister, "if you had made ANY effort to repay me 5 cents, we could talk. years and years of help, and not $1 has been returned. When you start making good faith, honest efforts to repay past help, we can talk about future help. Till then...NOPE!

a 400 credit scores speaks huge volumes about how poorly she has managed her money for a very long time. Emotional support, or even teaching her how to budget may be helpful. Showing her how to manage money is always a great gift, but I have found that most of my family didnt want a hand up, they wanted a hand out. Dont teach me! just do it for me! they would cry.

Its so hard to say no to someone you love, and care about, and worry for, but in many situations you simply have no choice. if it puts YOU and yours in harms way, its always an easy answer.

Thanks, Dej.....I agree. Funny thing is, though, that she was married for a few years and divorced but never married again. No children, either. Not even a pet!

Her father died when she was a young child and her mother has pretty much bailed her out and provided for her unconditionally her whole life. She works but evidentally spends every last cent. I think of how much money she could have saved over the years and want to scream!! I remember her telling me how much money they spent on her wedding years ago.......it's sickening.

I won't help her with money or anything like that. I'm giving myself a break from her for a while. She hasn't called again today and I hope she won't. It's not that I dislike her, I just dislike the way she is. I've got enough on my mind these days. And the sad thing is she knows it and still tries to make me feel sorry for her. I think if I do speak with her again I'll just tell her of my own problems and concerns and ask her if she can help me!! I'm sure that will send her on her way!

Kel, I think you're wise to say no...how on earth would she expect that you could help her? Does she know what you've been going through lately?
Sounds like an energy vampire who likes to suck the life and dollars out of people...
I hope you've gotten over the guilt. You would not be "helping" her by giving her money...only continuing the pattern she finds herself stuck in.
Try to divorce yourself emotionally when you talk to her. Dej's advice was great!

Not mean-spirited. Not a tough one.

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. She was out of line to ask for your help.

Throw your guilty feelings out the window.

~ Faith

P.S. -- And I was a social worker prior to MS, and some ppl might call me a bleeding heart liberal. But, it is not in your firend's best interests to have her friends bail her out. Or, in yours.

Not being mean spirited at all.

I bet if I wrote your letter out elsewhere and you read it thinking someone else had your problem, you would give out the best advice to me. Follow your sensible head and admit that it's a one sided deal here. Look after yourself first, you 'lucky stay at home, out of the rat race person'

Bravo for not letting that woman walk all over you, Kelly! You ROCK!

I think we should celebrate...

I made some Snickerdoodles today -- got milk?

I agree, Twink!

I'm still floored - a credit score under 400? I didn't know that was possible! How lowwww can you go, de credit limbo.

LOL! I know, I thought maybe she was just making the number up but apparently she's had several creditors sue her. Now I know where her paycheck goes.........garnishments!!

Any chance this chick is Twink's tenant????