I have a relative who has been chosen to be on a TV show where they assist people who need their house cleaned and deal with their junk and their problems at the same time. The local paper has been playing it up.

The relative who is participating on the show has a problem with letting go of stuff. She has finally acknowledged this and the show is helping her to clean up, organize, sell and start over, hopefully on the path to not falling back into old ways. She is a peach, I love her dearly, and she has always tried to help others and I am overjoyed that someone is finally helping her deal with this, since it has overwhelmed her for a very long time.

We have a large extended family, with a lot of dysfunction and hostility between some people through the years. I'm lucky because I don't live near any of them and I have managed to maintain a healthy relationship with most of them, and I just stay away from the few I don't get along with.

The online version of the paper has the usual "comments" section. Each update has nasty remarks from some of the family members, who disguise their identities with various user names. I love 'em, but they are peeving me mightily with their garbage.

I've stayed out of it so far but I have to sit on my hands every time I check for updates, because I just want to Bi***slap some of them for what they are posting. It's easy to figure out who they are by what they have to say.

I will eventually have to deal with all of them and this whole thing is going to color my reactions now, when I do have to socialize with them. I hate that, because I've fought acting in the same way through the years. I find myself slipping backwards when I think of dealing with this situation.
It just makes me sad all over again that I don't have a family that I can trust to be supportive and loving and kind, even if they appear to be that way because I know that behind each others' backs, they are all hurting each other in any way they can.

I just don't understand why anyone would want to hurt someone from their own family in such an ugly way. What do they get out of this?

That does SOCK...(((((((((((River))))))))))))

Aw RW. We all have a hinky relative or two and I'm sorry yours are being meanies. You just keep supporting your relative who is getting help with the bad habit. We understand here, and I agree, mean people really do sock. You're earning some good karma.

I'm betting their actions are based in jealousy. She is getting attention and in their minds, she is probably getting some monetary gain that they are not. It is easier for them to tear her down and gain attention for themselves.

Yes I have a bunch of hinky relatives as Wiz called them . Some I will never see or speak to again because of what they did to my dad and mom all because of greed and jealousy.

#1 rule. Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.


Most folks who have never dealt with a dysfunctional relative, or loved one have no idea how painful all of that is. that hoarders, and clutterers have emotional issues behind the stuff. Its a painful, slow process of emotional discovery as they uncover layer upon layer of stuff. Its emabarassing, and humiliating to allow the public to see your shame as well. It opens you up to public ridicule. Just tell your loved one that it gives idiots a chance to vent about things they know nothing of. Stick their head high in the air, and keep plowing forward.

dont let the idiots get you down. Just think how sad it must be to live such an ingnorant life.

Im sorry River...my husband has a few in his family and I am constantly
amazed at what comes out of the mouth of grown, educated men and women.

Keep your chin up, you know you can support the relatives you need
to while not stooping(sp?) to their level. big hugs to you!

It's amazing how a family "issue" can bring out the worst in folks. My late DH had a few people like this in his family and I hated to be around them. Had to literally bite my tongue not to say something to them.

They're the ones with the problem and they need help. At least your other family member is doing something positive to help themselves....which is more than can be said about the ones making the mean comments.

sorry RW - I agree mean people do sock!

There have always been mean people (or "regular" people acting mean) and there always will, but it never fails to startle and disappoint me.

People are mean to family, to strangers, to critters. And it hoovers big time, but we can't change it. All we can do is try to control how we react, and not stoop to that level.

As Alice in the Dilbert strip says..."must...control...fist...of...death..."

My mom once wondered what it must be like to live inside a head like that. Someone who always had to make live unbearable for people around them must really be miserable.

People who are happy try to make others happy, or they just DO make people happy, because they are upbeat and doing good things by their very nature.

She said mean people are their own worst punishment and I agree.

BTW, wishing the best for your relative who is trying to turn over a new uncluttered leaf! I've seen the show, and wow, the anguish those folks go through. I'm sure your support will mean the world to her.