I've been seeing a 'Dynamic Kinesiologist' for what started as a fatigue exercise but has turned a bit of a corner today. He's using me for a case study (thus charging me zero dollars!!) and today we explored how my anxiety may be contributing to my emotional fatigue rather than my ms giving me physical fatigue.

I've come away exhausted but with a positive attitude that if I can dig deep enough (well not too deep needed actually), i can find the trigger point in my past that makes me/has made me so anxious about loss, grief, the ending of anything (yes, anything) and attachment. In doing so, i may be able to switch emotions and drop the worry and constant niggling in the back of my mind.

I know part of my fear is the unknown. As with us all, we never know when, how long for, what part of us, the consequences, the pain, the distress and change/loss that a further flair may or may not bring. Any other disease has a linear path where you can plot your progress or worsening. i think for us, it's the unknown more than anything that's holding me back from acceptance and some peace of mind.

anyway, that was a bit of a babble. i'm searching for my positive mojo...

it has been a rough week starting off Monday evening in the ER for a IV Solumedrol Infusion. Was pretty nervous but tried my best to keep my thoughts as Positive as I can.

This morning the eyes are pretty blurry, need to find my glasses but can't seem to 'see' them!

Tired, sore, numb and all the rest of the junk that goes along with this crappy thing they call MS.

But, today I am going to get my first cane! No, I am not looking forward to it but I am thinking Positive that I won't have to use it for long. Just a stability to get my through this step and back to what ever is normal for me!

Pud,
So much of what you posted resonates with me. I have had issues of anxiety, and after years (off and on) with a wonderful behavioral therapist, we worked on my grief of my parents both passing by the time I was 20. I have such a sense of abandonment...I never trusted anyone to be here for the long run...always obsessed about something bad happening to those I love, of having them taken away from me suddenly.

Now I trust that even if something happens, I am not alone...not with the joy, nor the pain, of events that come my way. I am not always clear-thinking this way, esp when I have to be with my in laws who stress me out so much, or when MS does it's dirty deed and sends a relapse. But if I can find my way to that center of peace, I know I will be okay...takes a lot of work but not as much energy as obsessive fear and anxiety does...

My positive thought~ I am at DD's and it was 63 yest, while only in the mid teens at home.

Also, just got off of roids last wk and my hip/right side is still VERY painful, but the positive side is ~~~~ (thinking) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm still able to get around and the pain meds take the ''edge'' off.

But, I"m loving spending time w/my NC family!!!