My ex husband is a jerk, plain and simple. He hasnt seen his daddy in 7 years! 7 years ago when momma called to complain that she wasnt feeling well, and wanted her baby boy to visit, he refused her, and she died shortly after. The father has been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and it was determined he has stage 4 cancer and mets to many places. He will be moved to skilled nursing and is feeling upset, and alone, and abandoned by the world. My ex is going to take a flight down on Wednesday to clean out daddy's place, and take his car home with him.

my ex lives in Connecticut and daddy lives in Florida.

I spoke to daddy on the phone, and he is so upset, and tearful that he has given and given and given all of his life, and in the end, he cant even get his only child to come and just visit. It broke my heart. I sent a nice card, and a bouquet of flowers, but its really not my place to step over my ex and his dummy wife to support his dad. I feel cornered, and shackled.

I spoke to his home health care aide, who took the last drop of money from his account to pay for funeral/burial services before sonny boy gets there to take over. (good for her!) and she has been this mans constant and only companion since the wife died 7 years ago.

I need your best advice. Should I just send the card/flowers, and back up? I have spoken to him on the phone. he is very hard of hearing and missed 3/4 of what I said, but I was able to express that I cared, and love him, and am sorry he is not doing well. is that enough? should I avoid the ex drama and simply allow him to do what he needs to do without advice or interference from me? If I call and say "if I can help, let me know." he will ask me for money. If I go down, and sit with this man who once meant so much to me, it will completely exhaust me, and be the same as throwing a wasp nest at the current wife who is unstable in the best of times. DS is going down with his father, and helping him handle the house/car and other stuff, but ex husband has said he must leave by sunday whether the old man is dead or not. he has work, and cant miss it. He has been in the same job for the last 20 plus years and is in NO jeopardy of being fired if he stays with his dad. it will mean no check, but he wont lose his job.

I feel at such a loss. I am danged if I do and danged if I dont. This is one of the sweetest, kindest men I have ever known and he doesnt deserve to be treated this way, but since he is no longer my FIL...get the idea??

What is your advice?