[Earl]

OK, first off- this might be long. Second, this is not for sympathy, just for clarification, third, keep mean comments out, I am feeling down enough.

OK, now on to the story. My parents are wealthy. Not Trump wealthy but they would have to really live it up to go broke in their last 30 years. Dad is 73 and mom is 69. They take good care of me and I am grateful for it. Each year we have raised between $2000 and $4000 for the MS society through donations of mostly their friends.

I noticed this a few years ago but didn't let it bug me. Until this year. I went on my facebook page where I have 104 "friends". like most other FB pages, these range from people I have known all my life, to classmates I didn't get to know well in college. Those friended me so they could get their list up. I sent out a status update three weeks ago announcing the MS walk and asking for financial support and support joining my team for the walk.

3 people answered. THREE out of 104. This broke my heart. So, I sent out a second message personalized to each of them last week. 2 (TWO) more responded. WHAT THE HECK??????? I thought these were my friends. I thought they cared. They (most of them) see me deteriorate on a daily basis and can't write back a "I'll support you and walk" or "I'll give $5.00".

SO, I am trying to decide wether to weed them out and start deleting or let it go. I don't think I can let it go. This hurt to the core. MANY of them have asked for donations to cancer, heart disease research, and I cant' give much, but I can skip a meal out or designer coffee to give $10.00. WHY CAN"T THEY!!!??

I was told my a friend (not on my list here) that people don't think the way I do. that people don't call to say hi, and are too busy. Realistically they are too selfish.

The BIG part that hurts is 7 of these "friends" are cousins from my mothers side who each could have been the lucky lottery winning offspring to get this crappy disease. My grandfather had it and there is more and more proof each day that it is somewhat genetic. These 7 cousins have NEVER given money for my walk. Their parents, my beloved aunts and uncles give. but why not them?

What's wrong with these people and (generally) the rest of America these days? I see millions raised each day for various charities and I know it's by the rich mostly but where are my friends when I NEED them?

I guess I am wrong. Not everyone sends out birthday cards to everyone they know from Hallmark the way I do. Not everyone remembers to call when they hear someone is ill, like I do. I guess I am naive to think this way. but the bottom line is, it hurts. And I will be going to my FB friends and need to know, should I simply delete them- from FB and my life, or ask them personally why they didn't respond with support? That's the true sense to this post.

In the meantime, I know my parents and their wealthy friends will step up again this year and help me meet my goal.

Whine over. I'm sorry, just really in a bad place. Laura (DW) had to get up with me again at 3:30 to help me get out of bed- and that crap's getting OLD.

[kicker]

Ah Earl,
Everyone's list of priorities is so different from one another and what we think and do is so different from one another and I'm learning the painful lesson to just let go, people I think are wrong think I'm the wrong one. Mylist of who I think I can really depend on needs to change.

[Dejibo]

first, know that you are loved!
second, know that you are heard!

let me tell my explaination. I have about 300 plus FB friends. Many are MS friends, some are HS friends, and some are family and some are just game friends. about 15 times a day, I get a request to help out. From A to Z things. Cancer causes (I have had breast cancer so it strikes near to me) Some are MS causes or riders and walkers. (I have MS so its near to me my heart) some are alzhiemer (my mom has a form of it) some are for childrens diseases (know several kids with bad illness) some are help requests to rescue animals or abandoned critters. As you can see the list is growing rapidly and i have only scratched the surface. its impossible for me to give to each of these causes all the time. I do give, and tend to cycle thru them. I have money set to the side for online donations. The first week of the month I give to MS causes. The second is Cancer causes. The third is animal causes and the fourth is global causes (like Haiti) so by the end of the month, I have given some, but not tapped myself out.

I know exactly how hard it is when family walks by you when you have your hand out. it hurts! esp when you have given so much to them, their causes, and their projects. (how many girlscout cookies did I buy? and we were a gluten free home!) No one can hurt you like family can. with them, you need to be more direct. you need to say I expect $5 from each of you to help me by X date. TY. you must be blunt with many.

That being said, I dont have an Earl on my Friends List, but would LOVE to add you. Hang in there, and dont let others spoil your projects. I learned acceptance with my family when someone taught me that I cant be mad at a dog for barking, or a cat for meowing. They are what they are.

you are loved mister! you are loved!

[Kitty]

Originally Posted by Earl

Not everyone sends out birthday cards to everyone they know from Hallmark the way I do.

I don't recall getting a Hallmark card from you on my last birthday......hmmmmpf.

Earl, I (used to) feel the same way you do. I just could not understand why people....seemingly well-off, healthy people........could not spare ten seconds from their day to either acknowledge my note, letter, call, request, etc.. Or initiate one themselves! Why was I always the one making the first move? Making the phone call? Sending the note or card?

But I realized that I needed to do those things because I wanted to. Whether or not it was acknowledged or not. I needed to stop expecting anything from anyone. Because every time I did I was disappointed. Every time.

Maybe that sounds harsh but it's just the way I survive. The way I deal with "life". Everyone has their own carp to deal with. Whether we can see it or not. Whether we all know about it or not. Everyone has some sort of baggage.

I'm not saying it's right....or polite....or even acceptable. But I've just resigned myself to the fact that that's the way it is. Not everyone takes other people's feelings into account before they do something....or don't do something.

[kicker]

Earl, you've touched a sore spot, I'm using this thread for my own take. My sister (a non-MSer) does every birthday with cards, reminds us by e-mail of each upcoming important loved ones death anniversary (like we don't remember - she does it with good intentions, yet I'm insulted by it). I don't do cards - not a big believer in them. I have MS and limitations. She has a grown Down's Syndrome son at home and limitations. She is 64 and tired. We all have something. I've known my hair stylist 10 years, just found out her toddler died years ago, run over by her husband who could not see the unexpected little person as he backed out of driveway to go to work. Everyone carries baggage.

[SallyC]

Don't be too hard on them, Earl or take it personally. Most peeps, these days, are in the fast lane of life and don't have the presense of mind to respond to your FB plea, if they even saw it.

With several hundred close FB friends, with which to keep up, there is little time to go to the potty....BRB...............ok, where was I..

I have an FB account for just my Family. I have about a dozen FB friends. A bunch of my family don't do FB. What's that old saying..."To have a friend, you must be a friend". I don't have the will or the way to be true friends to 100s of peeps..

You should call family & close friends, Earl. FB is just not personal enough, IMHO.

We do love you Earl and so does your family and close friends. Give them a second chance to respond to you and as for your other 100s of friends, just keep them around for fun, if you want, but don't expect anything, in return..

BTW, I did not expect a card from you, because, I don't do snail mail either, anymore. If you want a hear from me, send me your e-mail addy.

Huggggggs, Sally

[kicker]

PPPSSSTT Kitty,
Earl never sends me a card either.

[Judy2]

Sad to say, but Earl, this seems to be such a common thing these days. All the social networking by internet, email, texting, etc., has taken the personalization out of our relationships. All that anyone has to do is push a button, type a few words, etc., then feel as if they've "done their duty". When we had to actually, physically, select a card or piece of paper, make the time to sit down and write whatever, address an envelope, find a stamp, mail the card, we had the time to really think about the person and why we were writing in the first place.

Yes, electronics play a big part in our social lives, but I still believe, like you, nothing beats a more personal touch between friends, family and acquaintances. And yes, I do send "snail mail" cards, notes, that I ask my friends to purchase for me when they shop for groceries, but think we're heading for extinction.

On a personal note -- my own children are "guilty", which really makes me MAD and SAD at the same time. Saw one daughter on Labor Day for the first time since Christmas (she lives one hour away), my other daughter lives out there in the desert with you (AZ). Saw her last Christmas, email in June, nothing 'til last week. Surprisingly, my son and DIL are the ones who call, visit, help out, etc. and they're a little over an hour away. Seems like when we can't participate "normally" in life, others don't want to be bothered trying to include us. A sad state of affairs indeed.

Friends here at NT are sooooo important and loved. We all "get it" and know how lonely one can be.

[tovaxin_lab_rat]

I started using Facebook as an organizational tool for a high school reunion; then as tool for an airshow; then as a communication tool for other projects. Our MS Chapter has a Facebook page to post upcoming events and photos from our Walks/Bike rides and general information. Now I have become a bit more social on FB but don't keep a lot of information there. It's football season! I digress...sorry!

Earl, if you see your facebook page as a forum for communication and a way to stay in contact with family and friends, then use it that way - daily hellos, comments etc. If you want to use it as a tool for other reasons, passing info about MS, then you can do that as well. I've not seen your FB page, so don't know if you've found the many FB MS sites that have information.

Most people use it as a gathering place to play - a social place, much like here. You can post your daily routine, play games, what you are doing all day, your thoughts, what your kids are doing, what you're having for dinner, etc.

Some people just collect friends. I've seen some people on fb with over 3000 friends. How in the world can you keep track of all those people? Especially if they are playing games and cluttering up their page?

Earl, a suggestion - use your chapter tools for soliciting donations for MS. Maybe that will help. It's sad that your family cannot see the forest for the trees. Good luck to you. I hope you can get to their pocketbooks through their hearts. Families can be strange. Or not.

[ewizabeth]

Earl,

You've never sent me a FB friend request or asked for money. I'm hurt. And the sorry excuse of a birthday card you sent me this year arrived a day late. We're through buddy, that was the last straw.