I recently learned my mother is quite sick, has had some heart issues, and is struggling. I suspect that if I dont get down to visit that I will miss seeing her one last time. Its awful tho! My druggie sister is already gearing up telling me how much of the momma load she has carried over the years, and wants me to reimburse MY share of the expenses she has had to carry over the years.

I KNOW my mom cashed in her life insurance policy to give cash to my druggie sister, so there is NO money to bury her. My bible thumping bro said he doesnt want to hear anything about her, unless its where the service is. The germophobe said that he may or may not show up even if he does know where the service is, but probably wont, unless he recieves a full and complete apology from that old lady before she dies. its HER move! he says. She has one sister who is alive, but she is so horribly, devestatingly poor and abused herself by her own family that she cant/wont make the service let alone contribute to it. I have a bi polar neice and nephew who are so dysfunctional and dependant on my mom for goodies and staples that they are going to really suffer and fall apart when she dies.

All of this drama BEFORE I even look up air fares, or rental car rates makes me want to shink back and not go anywhere near any of it! Right now, my mom tells me on the phone that she is fine! We all know that she isnt, and I struggle with letting go of so much garbage simply to go visit with her one last time. Even if she survives for the next year, I doubt I will have it in me to visit again. Its too stressful, too much drama, and too heavy to carry. I have fought for the last 48 years to get this woman to see me, love me, acknowledge me, comfort me. I guess I have to treat her badly to get her attention and I refuse to do that.

My question is. Should I go? Should i push thru my own pain, worry, stress and bitterness and go visit the old woman. If I go, I would FLY. the stress of seeing her, and just my family is too draining on me to sit in a car and work myself up to get there. Plus I would be so exhausted for the ride home that I would be dangerous on the road. I HATE my family! they make even the simple things so hard.

So, give me your opinion and then tell me your family story, and then give me a hug please.

Here's the hug: You don't want to hear my family story; we were the Waltons. And as far as my opinion? Only you know which choice you will regret more in days to come. It's a risk you have to take, one way or the other, and you don't strike me as one who's afraid of risk.

You can't pick your family. You're stuck with them. Genetically, that is. Sounds to me like you have given it a fair try. I know if I had to deal with a parent and siblings like you've described I would be hiding and making my phone number unlisted.

I have such a hard time relating to this scenario, though, because I was extremely close to my parents and my sister. And I'm still very close with the one sister I have who is still alive.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I don't know how you'd feel after the fact if you didn't go. Would it be worse than going and dealing with all the stress that you already know is waiting for you. Only you can answer that. One thing I can do for you, though, is keep you in my prayers. And that I promise to do.

Maybe it is just me? but I don`t allow " I am family " to be used as an excuse for bad behavior. From my view point accepting it and them enables them.

Only you can decide. I wish you well.

I'm with many of the others. Can't tell you what to do; only you can decide.

Sorry for the difficult decision you have to make.

~ Faith

Dej

First of all, I hate that you are going through this. It is has to be a hard decision for you. I will be forced to do the same thing, one day soon also.
I learned a year or so ago, when duty calls, I would have to go. I hadn't talked
to my mother for almost a year, because she got mad, when I asked why she
was buying christmas gifts for us, and I knew she couldn't afford it. She lives in Florida. When she moved to Florida, it was, no more gifts, we will visit and
that will be our gifts . Well for some reason, she started picking out stuff for
everyone. I received a nasty e-mail and said she sent all my stuff back and
was told my nieces, they were going to get more presents, cause Mema was mad at me! They just happened to slip that out.. Anyway, the next year she was involved in a car accident that totalled her car. My brother that lives down there, lives there to mooch, called me, I called her and everything was back to
normal.
I am in a similar situation again with her. She visited last August, 2009 nice visit, When my brother down there got upset with me over playing a "VIDEO" game with him over the internet, that we wouldn't play with him, etc. My husband called him a big baby. He went to my mom, after she couldn't find her pictures, when my cousin was coming down to visit. Mom wanted to get them out to show them to her. He convinced my Mom that I must have took them in Feb. of 2008, when we went down there last. I received a very nasty e-mail. Saying I stole her pictures, when I was there, even though she was just here in Aug 2009, she hadn't noticed then. Wanted all the stuff that she had left here with me when she left to go to Florida, in 1998, sent to her and all the
pictures I stole. I was devastated.... I didn't know what pictures she was talking about. I sent the e-mail to my oldest brother, I am oldest. He thought she was losing it, said don't worry about it. Doesn't even sound like her.
Well... to wrap this up, sorry so long, My daughter got married end of June, no
response from the family in Florida. We left out of there ( St Ausutine) so, my mom and brother could see us while we were there. No response. They missed my daughters entire wedding, she never received any acknowledgement.. that hurt!
My older brother, was on a trip down there, dropped over and visited my mom and youngest (moocher) brother, I guess she started talking angrily about me, he told her he didn't want to hear it! Also he heard, she had changed her will.
So right now Dej, like you..... I would have mixed feelings if I got a call, saying
my mom was ill. It is you decision, even though it hurts. It is something you have to decide on.
Let us know what you decide, we will support you!!
Sorry, I had to spill my guts, needed to get this out
Deb