I talked to the neuro yesterday and he got me some oral steroids because I'm drunk walking and feeling like crap.

I had my aunt use her otoscope and her nurse practitioner skills to tell me if I had an ear infection. Nope, nothing hinky in my ears or eardrum, so I started my steroids last night around 430 or 5. This morning, I took the second dose. (probably should have waited a little while. The second dose was taken about 12hrs after the first one, so I had an interesting night and morning.) The neuro told me to take the second dose this morning, and the insert that came with the steroids says take it before 9am. I was awake at 5 and was hoping to be asleep at 9, so I took it early. I suppose I could have set an alarm to wake me up at 830, but I just wanted to sleep. I didnt fall asleep till 9am anyways because the little rush that comes with taking 60mg's of prednisone just 12hrs after you've taken 60mg's of prednisone was kind of an impressive little rush. (and it gave me a stomach ache)

Today I actually slept. I'm not hungry at all. Had some yogurt with my steroids this morning, and I just forced myself to eat some more yogurt because I hadnt eaten for 12hrs. I ate because I was feeling worse than I did yesterday. I feel really really really really really bad. I dont think I felt this sick even when I had mono back in the 90s. That was probably the sickest I'd ever felt before now. I'm just getting freaked out by everything, and then there's a bathroom issue that's a bit disturbing, and if it gets worse I'm calling the neuro and my regular doctor in the morning.

This is just scaring me to death. I'm still drunk walking, and feeling really weak, and I'm a bit peeved that this is happening just before Xmas. (my signature is proving itself to be true right now). My head feels weird, but I think that's the prednisone. I'm pretty sure the sad feeling I have is the prednisone too, so I'm trying to ignore that some.

The whole thing is kind of scaring me, and it's really starting to bug me that every time I go see the neuro and he tells me I'm doing fine, I'll be having a flaming flare of some sort within a week. (it took about two days for everything to go to all to hell after seeing him on wednesday, so that was a record) I suppose I could have called him over the weekend and gotten the 'roids earlier, but it probably doesnt matter that I waited till yesterday.

Yes, this is an obvious plea for sympathy or at least some empathy because I'm not getting any from my mom right now. (she had a head injury 50yrs ago and I'm guessing that killed her empathy center of her brain). She keps saying "yeah, whatever" when I try to tell her what's going on, and she's mad that I'm not taking her out for breakfast or taking her Xmas shopping. She's also doing this "one-up" thing that she does whenever my dad or I are sick. Not sure why she does that, probably has something to do with that head injury. Sorry my having MS is inconvenient for her.

I wouldnt mind some suggestions on what to do about everything that's going on. Like if the potty issue might be a life and death problem. (it involves #1. I'm betting I might have to go learn how to do something to deal with that. Hope that's not permanent)

I'm going to go curl up on my bed, try not to cry and either sleep or watch dvds till Warehouse 13 comes on tonight. (new episode. Something to look forward to) I wish my boyfriend would call (he's working a ton right now) because I really miss him and just want to talk to him. I think that's the steroids whining about stuff... Guess I'll go lay down. If I can sleep, that's a good thing.

edit: just noticed I put this in the Stumble Inn. I kind of meant to put it in the main forum. If it needs to go there someone can move it for me. Thanks.

oh Erin, you have been thru so much lately. Is it a flare? or is it depression? or is it simply the holidays crushing in on you? You deal with alot in your everyday life and depend on support from your parents. Its hard when you reach out your hand to get steady and a parent gives you that face like "what?! what now?!" I have a mom who does the same thing. She is so caught up in either her own drama or my sisters drama that I cant get a "how are you?" from her, let alone any real support.

I highly reccomend that you start being a good cheerleader, and supporter for yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough, you are smart enough, and you are strong enough. Even if you dont believe it. Sometimes just changing our own mental or emotional prespective on a situation can help us feel better, even if it doesnt heal what is wrong with us, it helps us deal better with what has been dealt to us. In the end the only person you can count on is you. so, start making yourself into the friend you need and want yourself to be. sounds kookey, but it works. or at least it works for me.

Where is your b/f? can he come take you away for a few days? would he take care of you? or would you simply be on your own, left to a vacant apartment and having to fend for yourself while he works and plays? if that is the case, stay home.

Im sorry you are still struggling. its really hard to be screaming and not have anyone hear you. Well...I heard you. take a hug and a prayer. I hope you feel better quickly.

Here's a . I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot right now. Seems like when it rains it pours.

I think many of us deal with issues just like this and really all we need is the support of others who are dealing or have dealt with the same thing.

I know it's hard to do but just try to relax and not get all freaked out about the sx that are occurring. It just makes things worse.....but steroids tend to magnify things anyway. Easier said than done, I know.

Your Mom's head injury is most likely the culprit in her dismissive attitude towards your problems. I know it's only natural to expect a parent to be empathetic when you're not feeling well but at least you know there is a good reason for her behavior. She loves you but she's just not able to express it like others would at times like this.

Just rest......and try to relax your mind. I hope you feel better soon.

(((((Erin)))))

My mom has been like that for my entire life. Never realized she was like that till I got older tho. My dad had apparently ran interference for her. We didnt realize she was "weird" till we got to our teens and started to notice. I should be used to it.

At least my dad knows a lot about how I'm feeling. He's got a heart problem, and when I told him about "spoon theory", he understood it immediately. So we both understand the total fatigue. Dad's having a lot of that lately, so I'm really worried about him.

I hope the steroids help me get thru Xmas. If not, oh well...just hope I can get my Xmas shopping done somehow. Thank goodness for the internet and QVC.

I'm not going to bug my boyfriend much. He's got stuff going on in his life that's really stressful, so I'm just going to be patient with him. Take what I can get when he's got the time. Letting him work at his job(s) and see if he can get stuff straightened out. Christmas time for him sucks. He works retail with one of the jobs, so he's probably extremely busy with that right now. At least I know he's alive. I see him online on the instant messenger program every few days. Hoping he'll chat with me tonight. Been hearing from him about once a week. Hope the jobs arent killing him this week and he'll have a few minutes to chat soon.

This year was the first year he actually told me what he wants for Xmas. So I'm buying it for him tonight. Shipping it to his house so that he doesnt have to wait to see me to get it.

I'm going to go take another nap and then do some online Xmas shopping later. I need to get some shopping done.