Thanks Desinie. It's great to see you here.

Dear Noidy....

I really feel for you. Sometimes I see posts like this on the forums and it reminds me of my childhood! Snoopy said it really well and I won't try to improve on her words!

But I would like you to read about Narcissistic parents and other narcissists in general before you confront your father's behavior in any way. You may decide to not do so after reading up on it.

One of the best places to read, which is done in laymen's terms and is more understandable therefore than psychological type sites is:
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/

There are some books she recommends, and I have found them in my library. Children of narcissistic parents, is one of them.

Narcissists are very difficult to handle and get along with. You may decide after reading about them, to let it be, and ignore.
A confrontation could result in a narcissistic rage if your father is one of these types. This might be worse for you than ignoring.
Narcissists are experts at putting all the blame on YOU...and you don't need that.

I do agree with the other wise posters here to leave your dad out of the loop when you visit your Grandfather.

Please read the link. I go back to it now and then and refresh my memory every time I run into a difficult person like this still!
I find of all the internet sites, this one is the most eloquent.

mrsD, the link is great, I have been to it a few times through the years.

There is a book that my Psychiatrist recommended: Children of the Self-absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W. Brown. It is an excellent book.

Josi, if your dad is narcissistic mrsD is correct, confronting can be worse than ignoring. You cannot change him you can only change how you respond and deal with him.

As I stated before -- my choice was to walk away. Some may find that harsh and unacceptable but it's called Self-Preservation.

Enjoy your visit with your Grandfather

Good for you! I haven't ever had an appreciation for the blind devotion to people just because you share a bloodline but it must be something innate in most of us.

It breaks my heart to see many of the children I care for thrust back into a life with their pathetic excuse for parents. Even if Mom has beaten, starved and pimped out her children most of them still want to be with their Mommy.


In my experience there are kind, responsible people and toxic, irresponsible people in this world and as a young woman I decided to only associate with kind, responsible ones which goes for both friends and family. It sure cuts down on the drama factor and makes the other stresses that everyone has to deal with in life more manageable, imo.

Dear Josi, sounds like you have a right to feel bad about what your father is doing. Sometimes parents dissapoint in a terrible way. It seems right now he cannot accept your MS. Maybe because he is afraid, he is pushing you away I don't know. I only know you deserve to be treated better, and not be abandoned by your family because of a medical condition. If you are made to feel bad about that, what happens if you were to really get sick? You need loyality, and understanding. If your dad cannot give you that, listen to your heart for what you need. Put your needs first and take the best care of yourself as you can. Lean on the people who are able to accept you and love you no matter what your physical state is. I hang with those who love me, despite my physical affliction, or emotional baggage. We need those people in our lives who can have compassion. Not all humans can feel that. If your mom passed away with your dad treating her not so good, you can maybe see he doesn't have the tools to help you. Seek council if you can, a church councelor maybe. There are also fantastic people in this site that will listen to you and try to help. You are not alone. May the peace from this holiday season touch you. ginnie