Here's a little story about my dh that will give you and idea about how clueless/weird/insensitive he is:

About a week and a half ago one of my cats, Millie (my avatar), managed to get out of the house and got lost for about two hours. I was bawling my eyes out and hiking up and down the street with my rollator in the dark. I think this is a pretty normal thing to do for someone who loves their pets, right?

There are occasions when I b*#ch and moan about how much work they are (I have 5 cats who range in age from 21 down to 2 years old) and what a pain in the butt they can be. I also think this is normal, right?

The next day when dh got home from work the first thing he said to me was "you are such a liar!!!". I said "what are you talking about???". He said "you don't care about those cats at all, you just complained about them and then cried when Millie was missing!".

I started crying immediately because he called me a liar and also because I knew what a long, drawn-out discussion this would be for me. I had to explain to him that you can love someone/something and still get po'd about them sometimes. He could not understand why I was crying .

He is very exhausting to live with, as you can probably imagine. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much but he is exasperating.

There is a psychological condition called Alexithymia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

See how this fits. Looks like a possibility to me.

While high functioning autistics and Aspies may have a lack of empathy they do learn to understand emotions to some extent.

There are people who cannot process right brained holistic thinking and emotion with the left brain logic centers. This may mean there is a block or lack of corpus callosum connections.
(sometimes babies are born this way, and other times it could be an injury causing it).

My husband had a right brain injury at 2 yrs from falling out a 2nd story window. He cannot recognize faces. I discovered this years after we were married, when he didn't recognize me, when we met at a prearranged busy city street!
He has to have routines...He does not like new foods and will eat a club sandwich at every place he goes to! Things like that!

Before a road trip he gets very anxious, but once going, he seems okay. He can navigate maps, but is very resistant to a GPS for the car (he travels in his job !! )

Some of the brain injury stuff can be very subtle. I let him have his comfort things, and we get along fine!

I haven't seen many adults with it but have cared for several children and I have a definite soft spot for them.

Has he always been this way?

Yeah, Jules, he's been like this for as long as I've known him (since he was 20). He's 46 now.

I could ask his mom about when he was a kid but I'm pretty sure I won't get a straight or logical answer from her. She is not the sharpest knife in the drawer .

Did you get him to take the quiz yet?

Can you remember the qualities that attratcted you to him and maybe discuss with him the things that he did early on to woo you? Surely he wasn't totally insensitive to your needs or the relationship probably wouldn't have progressed. Perhaps you could share these memories with your son who is having difficulty understanding your husbands good qualities?

One of the things I love about my patients with Aspergers is their brutal honesty. Their intrepretation may be a bit off sometimes but they won't pull any punches which has caused me to looked at things from different perspectives. I have learned things I wouldn't have considered from this very stark approach to logic.

Many of them have a specific passion/area of interest and sharing that interest is the best way I have found to forge an alliance with them and be allowed into their inner sanctuary.

Here is a link to the DSMIV diagnosic criteria for Aspergers for anyone who is interested. http://www.autreat.com/dsm4-aspergers.html

Good luck to you and your family. FWIW if he is happy and not being purposely unkind to anyone I wouldn't attempt to push him to change too much.