[doydie]

Sally sorry for hijacking your title.

As you all know my Mom has terminal cancer. She presently is at a nursing home getting rehab after her hip repair. Last week my kids and grand kids were in on Saturday and she couldn't do any physical therapy until Wednesday. That's how much it wore her out to have us there on Saturday. So tomorrow my brother is coming in so we can have interviews with 2 different hospices, one Friday and one Saturday. So she wants all this extra activity scheduled, she gave me a complete menu for me to cook and bring over for us to have in her nursing home room. 8 of us!!!!! Next weekend my other brother and his 3 boys are coming in for the weekend. One of them couldn't make it up for Christmas and another is a recently adopted special needs child that as he said I just got a Grandma and now she is going to die. The other son is a teenager with obsessive defiant disorder. That's 3 weekends in a row that makes her so worn out she can't do PT for 3 days.

OK, to make a long story short. I told Mom that my DH and I will not be there for super tomorrow night to make it easier on her. My heart is so heavy right now. I know I made her mad at me and my sister is also upset. Maybe I am to protective of my Mom.

[Jomar]

I think the ones that are coming from out of town should have some visiting time alone with her.
It's way too hard to try to visit with a large group at one time and in a small room to boot. IMO

You shouldn't have to cook and take food .. what about dishes and clean up??
Most nursing home rooms are pretty small and not even many chairs for guests.
I think they prefer not to have large groups in those places. With the extra commotion that may upset the other patients.

Explain that you are letting them have some one on one with her, as you get to see her often.

[kicker]

Can you go Sunday, appraise her condition and perhaps stay for dinner then? If you are looking at Hospices, IMHO PT (especially if it is a big exhausting thing or does she enjoy the change?) would not be on my list.

[Kitty]

I agree with Kicker. Who's requesting the PT? Your mother or the center where she lives? I'd be hesitant to do strenuous PT exercises especially if you're looking at hospice right now.

[SallyC]

Your "what would you do" is a bit different than mine.. I would do, at this point, whatever makes your Mother happy. In my book, she is calling the shots.

However, she must have a private room for all this activity or perhaps they have a rec room or something for these type things?

[Becca44]

Originally Posted by Jo*mar

Explain that you are letting them have some one on one with her, as you get to see her often.

I agree with Jo*mar's entire post. Encourage them to have alone time with her.

Guests (lots of them) wear patients out and as you've said, the comotion puts her off her PT for days afterward.

I don't know about your mother's prognosis so won't presume anything with regard to her specifically (my heart goes out to your family), but in my own experience with terminally ill friends and relatives, what those of us remaining remember and treasure most is the face time we had and the closeness we shared. We certainly don't reminisce about the quality of the food we ate.

For that reason, I'd suggest that food not be the focus of activity in the hospital room. The people who love her are there for her, not a feast (maybe if there's something your mom is craving though, you could bring in a portion of it for her? and everyone else fends for themselves?

becca44

[doydie]

thanks for all your comments and input. We do visit 4 days a wek, and my sister also visits four days a week, just different days except for Sunday. The nursing home has a conference room not used in the evening and is available to us. Meal time has been very important to us as a family. It can also hold a lot fo drama with some family members and their 'discussions'.

[karilann]

I went through this same thing with 2 parents.

My advice to you is this: Is there anything about this issue that may cause you to have regrets with your decision?
After you lose someone you love.....you want to be comfortable with everything you did with them....no regrets. Let that be your guide.

[Jules A]

If Mom wants you there, I would go even if that means buying a carry out version of the menu she requested if cooking is too much for you.

I'm also with the people that are puzzled by the PT for a hospice patient and would not make that a priority unless it is important to your Mother. I'm sorry your family is facing this and wish you the best.

[Dejibo]

no advice, just hugs.