[Dejibo]

After many many years of trying to hold it together and try to help with the family, my mother went off the deep side yesterday and accused me of stealing tons of things from her. She had many hurtful intentional things to say and went on spraying venom till she knew my wounds were open raw and bleeding. I told her that if she didnt stop she was cutting off the fragile bridge that hold us together, and keeps me calling even now and again. She told me where I could stick my bridge.

Painful, wounded, bleeding and fed up, I told her it would be a very long time before she ever heard from me again, unless she called to apologize I didnt want to know a thing. She is angry because I wont take over the executor of her estate while she leaves my drug addicted sister with a key to the house, and all of the insurance policies in my neices name. In other words, my sister gets ALL the items in the house, my niece gets all the money, and I get the bill. I made a deal with her that her 3 other children would band together, make sure her bills got paid, her estate given out as she wished, and that her accounts closed, and the remaining money goes to her grandchildren. She called us all thieves, liars, and only wanted her money. WHAT MONEY?! she has 3 insurance policies. One for 2k one for 3k and one for 5k. She borrowed against the 5k policy years ago and didnt pay it back. She stopped paying on the 3k policy years ago, and they cancelled it. she has 2k total to bury her, pay her accounts, get death certs and so on. NOTHING left. There isnt enoug money to bury her! So, she wants my neice to get whatever money is in the accounts, and let the rest of us pay to bury her. isnt that fair? Um NO!

It was a horrible fight, and after decades of trying to help her...I quit. Im done. I am tired of being accused of stealing things that were gifted to me. Like when I had my father buried at sea with the Navy I had to have a photo to send with him. She chose the photo, and when the service was over accused me of stealing his ashes from her, and the photo. She talked horribly about my father in life, and in death and in the end I caught her using his ashes as a door stopper! I told her to say her goodbyes because come sunrise he was going with me and I was having a service planned for his remains. I had the navy take him as he was career navy and it was a beautiful service. My mom has ruined 5 of the tapes I sent her of the service and keeps asking for more. So, yeah, I did steal him, but she gave me the photo for the service, and now she has lost her mind and is lashing out in vicious ways that are cruel and uncalled for.

Sadden, bruised, and bleeding, im walking away. I dont care if the phone rings, she can tell it to the answering machine. Now my druggie sister has been leaving messages wanting to know what I did to HER mother. How dare I upset HER mother that way! OMG it just never ends, so...I decided to get off the merry go round.

Thank you for all of the encouragement thru the years as I struggled with this old woman, but as of this moment, I simply cant take it anymore. I am tired of crying. I am tired of being called names. I am tired of being accussed. I am tired of tapping out my wallet to bail out mom because mom bailed out sis. UGH! so...

I feel 150 pounds lighter. I no longer accept that she is my responsibility to raise, help, heal, carry, or drag thru life. I forgive her for the horrible childhood. I forgive her for the horrible adult hood. I forgive her for never making ANY contact with my children while smother the drug addicts children with love and affection. I forgive her all of it. and now I am forgetting. I release her back to the universe from which she came. She is beyong my control, my help, my love, and my interventions. I wish her well, I wish her great love, but mostly I wish her out of my life. im so tired of the constant drama, and BS and lies, and manipulations. I just cant and wont do it any more.

Thanks for allowing me to make this declaration public. im done.

[Jomar]

Unfortunately some people are just toxic, and it is best to avoid them, even if they are related to you.

[Kitty]

Just because someone is related by blood doesn't mean that they are a good "fit" for you and need to be in your life.

She sounds like someone who you either accept all or nothing. You've tried. She hasn't. At some point you have to take care of you.

[Dejibo]

I have cried and cried and cried. you know what? im done crying. I cant help her. She wont let me. the only way I can help her is to declare her insane, and she isnt, she is just mean.

So...im done. Ty for all the love and support. I wanted so badly to have a momma in my life, and have been chasing her for decades to be one. It isnt gonna happen.

Last words were Im not gonna love you , just cause you think I should. Love is earned, not given. When you start acting like a child I can love, then you will be loved like a child who is deserving. OUCH! hows that for a nail in the coffin ??

Night mom. I hope you are well cared for in the remainder of your life. I cant do it anymore. Im sorry, but im not strong enough. Who ever said God doesnt give us more than we can handle is full of carpe.

[DizzyLizzy]

Originally Posted by Dejibo

I feel 150 pounds lighter. I no longer accept that she is my responsibility to raise, help, heal, carry, or drag thru life. I forgive her for the horrible childhood. I forgive her for the horrible adult hood. I forgive her for never making ANY contact with my children while smother the drug addicts children with love and affection. I forgive her all of it. and now I am forgetting. I release her back to the universe from which she came. She is beyong my control, my help, my love, and my interventions. I wish her well, I wish her great love, but mostly I wish her out of my life. im so tired of the constant drama, and BS and lies, and manipulations. I just cant and wont do it any more.

Thanks for allowing me to make this declaration public. im done.

((((Dej)))) You GO Girl!! Right on!

For the last 1.5 yrs, I have been 'letting go', letting go of the heavy load I was carrying. I changed my 'words' from 'sure, I will be right over' and 'what can I do to help?' to saying 'oh, that doesn't work for me' or 'that must be tough'- and it has been truly liberating! I have been using this technique with my mom now too, and it is helping so much! I do not get pulled into the drama anymore, and it feels so good! I would get so fuming mad at the things my mom would say, or the things she tried to 'persuade' me into believing or doing.

Now, it has become 'normal' for me to put myself first and not feel guilty about anything. It is the major paradigm shift that I never imagined could happen.

Stay strong, always put yourself first, do what makes YOU happy,do not allow 'energy sucking' people into your life.... just think of it as your 'points plus' values...you only get so many points per day, so you are more consciensious on the choices you decide to spend your points on, right? Well, you also only have so many 'spoons' in your day, and you get to choose when you want to use a spoon....and it seems as if your mom and sister take more than their share of spoons every time they engage you in even a simple conversations, they have enough of your spoons already, don't give them any more!

[SallyC]

I am so sorry for your loss, Dej. It's never easy to say goodbye, even when you must.

[Aarcyn]

Ah Dej. It will always amaze me how such a good thoughtful intelligent woman such as yourself could possibly have come from such a childhood.

[TwoKidsTwoCats]

Dejibo, you are going to be ok. You had to draw a line somewhere and this event with your mom is it. Take care of yourself.

[lefthanded]

Sending you hugs, Dej. ♥ You deserved so much better . . . but in life we don't always get what we deserve. Hope your spirit can heal quickly . . .

[Dejibo]

does it just make sense that I just wanted a mommy?

as a kid she couldnt. She was always draggin us from town to town cause dad was in the Navy. She tried to blame everyone on everyone else. nothing was ever our fault. Then she gave up on dad and dragged us to the back woods of NC, but surprised to find out her bros and sis' couldnt help her either. She had post polio syndrome and some mental deficiets from the disease. As a teenager I didnt understand, as a grown woman I just wanted my mommy to be proud of me, as a young mother I wanted my mom to get to know her grandkids. she refused. As a young wife I wanted advice, and guidance. She had none. As a young professional I wanted support. She thought I was high and mighty. As a injured, ill young woman I wanted comfort, support and help. She came and stayed two weeks, ate me out of house and home, expected to be waited on, then asked me to buy her a plane ride home. Dx with breast cancer I asked nay begged her to come help me. She told me how busy her own life was. Wanted to be sure she was in my will.

I have watched this woman lie, cheat, steal, dishonor, beg, panhandle, solicecit, shoplift, and pet upon my drug addicted sister as if she had the answer book hidden behind her somewhere. I guess in the end I never did learn to speak the language. I wont steal, I wont lie, I wont scam, I wont take advantage. How on earth did I come from this woman?

I have chased this woman all my life. I just want my mommy to love me. If that means working harder, smarter, faster or standing taller I did it. I went to her aide, sick or well. I went to her rescue even when I didnt have the money to spare, only to find out she was bailing out drug addicted sister. over and over and over I forgave and moved on. I blamed the mental stuff on polio, I blame the social stuff on her own upbringing. I blame her inability to parent on the fact that she wasnt parented.

In the end, you run out of excuses. You run out of money. you run out of patience, you run out of time, and you run out of spoons. I just wanted my mommy to be proud of me. To like me, to want me. In the end, it was never gonna happen. no matter what I gave up for her. So...Im going to take better care of myself than she did. I am going to be a better parent to myself than she was. I will be enough of a mother that my kids dont need her. She missed out.

Thanks for understanding and being supportive. I know others have lost loved ones recently and I dont mean any disrespect.