My sons never left! My oldest who's 24 is terrified of growing up.

s to you and your son Dej. He really needs some help with regards to this 'girlfriend'. It's extremely hard to break away from an abuser. That's what she is imo.

I have some book titles that would really open his eyes to what is going on with her and help him to help himself. I don't know if he would be willing to read them but just let me know and I'll give you names of them.

They have helped me immensely. .

If anyone has a good book that they would reccomend, please send me a message with it, and why it helped you.

I have the first book for him already
Healing the sensitive heart.
Then the seat of the soul.

what else ya got.

He really is horribly broken, and after leaving an abused situation its going to take some time to rebuild.

Glad you're there to help him, Dej.

It is wonderful that he is able to come back to re-group with your help but, and I'm ready for the boos and hisses, please keep in mind there are two parts to every relationship, even abusive ones, so absolving him of any culpability doesn't do him any favors either. As time wears on his role in this long saga is worth exploring as part of his healing and growth.

oh trust me, he has a LARGE share of responsibility in this. He is a grown man, who came from a solid home, and ALLOWED this to continue. He went back over and over, even when he was free and clear of her, her home, her family, and her influence. He was under the impression that he could make her love him. If he could just make more money, get a better car, keep the house cleaner. He is not off the hook by a long shot, and its HIM that he has to be accountable to. The old saying of "burn me once its your fault, burn me twice its mine" comes to mind quickly in my book.

We will be working on uncovering why he wanted so badly to be loved that he would be willing to bankrupt himself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. When did he stop loving and respecting himself enough that he would allow others to use him so? So, please know that as much as my heart breaks for his situation, and he should and will get much comfort, that comfort comes with instruction on how to not do this again. Lets get down to the root of what happened so we dont allow this to happen again.

I used to get so upset when I worked at the battered womens shelter when women would be given a free apartment full of furniture. Food, guidance, counsel, and tons of support including a closet of clean clothes, safety and a job and 2 weeks later we go to check up on them and find b/f slipping out the back door. These were woman who were severly beaten, battered, and quite abused who begged for help and then turned around and shared their home yet again with the man they took a restraining order out on.

This is why I allowed my son to keep falling, even tho I could have interviened and given him some speed breaks along the way. He needed to learn the lessons, and take it into his own life. If I thought for one second that he wasnt really done with this, I would have turned him away. I have done so in the past. I have been here for him, but refused him a home to live in with us, because he clearly wasnt ready to let her go, and end the madness.

Sounds like Mama definitely got it under control.

One of the lectures I heard gave the scenario of a party, hundreds of people, and said that if there was one batterer and one batteree they would manage to somehow find each other and hook up. Made me sad but also value the importance of getting to the root of the problem as you said so it doesn't repeat with someone else because unfortunately there is no end to the number of manipulative users out there.

Please keep us posted.

Well, he IS taking my advice and confronting her today. He said he didnt want to run out like a thief in the night, and he act like a child. He is waiting for her to get home from work to "talk" to her and if she doesnt want to talk, then he said he will leave or call the cops. He needs to confront her to heal himself.

Woooo Good boy!

I hope he has all his stuff ready to go....or at least the things he wants to take today. She doesn't sound like she's playing with a full deck. I really hope the police don't have to get involved. But, I've watched enough Judge Judy episodes to know that everything needs to be documented.

he wrote me and said he has taken all of his belongings to his dads house. he has gotten his name OFF the lease. He talked to her sister who is willing to move in this eve, so she wont have to take on the financial strain of the place herself. He said "mom, once upon a time I loved her, and she loved me. I cant see another way out, and I know I need to go, but I dont have to run like I did something wrong." so...lets see where this goes.

He's right....he's done nothing wrong by wanting to leave. He sounds like he's got his head on straight. From what you've told us about her.....I wouldn't trust her at all.

My oldest DS (the cop) had to respond to a domestic dispute once and the girl was accusing the guy of punching her in the back. She even had a huge welt and it was red and swollen. The guy kept insisting that she was nuts and had done it to herself. Nobody believed him because how can someone punch themselves in the back? And leave such a mark? Well, DS finally listened to him (the guy was frantic) and allowed him to show them what he had as "evidence" that she self-inflicted this wound. The guy showed them a pair of panty hose she had thrown behind the bed that had several pieces of wooden fruit (a painted apple, pear and several lemons) in the foot and leg. She had taken the hose and whacked herself on the back several times (by swinging the hose with the wooden fruit inside over her shoulder) leaving the marks! She finally admitted to it. Seriously......guess who they ended up taking to jail that night? I never believed such crazy people existed till I heard that story!