[Motors Mommy]

I feel like an idiot!!!!

Ok, after being with my %!!#% hubby for over 20 years he wants out. He moved out last Nov. He came to me and wanted to know what I wanted in the divorce, when I told him...he said it wouldnt happen. AAAAGH

Meanwhile, he has me fill out all the disability papers before Im ready and i get denied because i didnt get the right papers!!!! AAAAGH

Did I mention he still thinks he is entitled to sex???? AAAAAAAGH!!!!!!

My health is failing big time!!!!

Thanks!!!!

[Jodylee]

I'm sorry MM. I'm going through a similar thing but I'm the one who wants out! We've been married for 25 years.

He is entitled to nothing, hon, especially sex ARGH!! Get a lawyer and don't let him push you around. My h will push me around any chance he gets. You need an advocate...like an attorney.

[Jodylee]

MM, pm me if you REALLY want to talk. I don't post much about this because I don't want my h finding this stuff online. It is VERY easy for them to find.

[karilann]

Okay, you need 2 lawyers. One to do the dissability stuff for you and the other to handle your divorce.
When you tell hubby what you want in the divorce and his response is; "won't happen". Then why did he even ask? He would have said "okay" to you only if he thinks he gets out of it easy.
My heart goes out to you.....I had to start over after a 20 year marriage and I did survive.
Let this be the first day of the rest of your life......Hire 2 lawyers.
The dissability lawyer won't cost you a thing until you win your case. The divorce lawyer may end up being......priceless.
Very few divorces are "friendly" so don't be disappointed if hubby gets upset with your demands. Stick to your guns.

[SallyC]

So sorry MM, I hate to see the end of a marriage. Too much stress - too much sadness. And tell him that the bridge is out on the road to the Harem.

I hope this ending leads to a wonderful new Beginning for you..

[Judy2]

Really sorry to hear this MM. It brings back memories of 21 years ago when I was divorced after 24 years of "wedded bliss". It happened the same year when diagnosed with this miserable disease. You've received very good advice so I'll just say hang in there. It was quite an adjustment being single again, but I survived and life is good.....well, as good as it can be right now! Take care.

[lefthanded]

If you say no sex . . . no sex. If the split is his idea, tell him to get out.

Then get the best divorce attorney you can, and forget being nice. I tried to be nice, as I was the one leaving. Ex used it against me.

And be sure to designate any property you want to leave for your kids. I was unable to take everything with me when I left, and then my daughter was shut out of getting everything I left behind for her. He also had no interest in many things, except those that should have properly been mine: gifts he had given me, purchases that had been made by me, and he is still hanging on to some things that were in my family.

Unlike many here, my divorce came at the time of my best health. I had lost 60+ lbs and got into my best shape ever to climb mountains, go cross-country skiing, and live a more adventurous life after our daughter left for college. He had no interest. It started out sad, and became an angry, miserable, bitter experience.

I hope you survive and thrive your divorce. It will be challenging, but you will no longer have hing around your neck.

[marion06095]

MM, I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. My hubby and I have been going through a rough patch, and I have to admit I worry that he might some day want out. Without his income and help with physical things around the house, I’d be up the creek without a paddle! Just thinking about it gets me upset

Hugs to you, MM. I am told that even disabled people can and do live long and prosper after a split. My thoughts and prayers are with you, gal.

[Dejibo]

um..have you thought of having a contract ready for HIM to sign that give YOU the insurance you seek AND all the items on YOUR list ready when he asks for sex? Isnt it horrible, but women put up with sexually aggressive men all the time. We have sex when we are pregnant and really dont feel like it. We have sex to take care of our partners needs in order to keep him feeling loved. We have sex to make sure our partners dont stray. We have sex to make sure our own emotional needs are met, even if we are not with the perfect partner, and sometimes we even have sex to release the right hormones so that we can sleep at night. IF you are still having a "friends with benefits" relationship (and I am NOT saying you are) why not add a little peice of paper to it. You take care of ME for X # of years and I will take care of you. Then when he gets his final divorce papers introduce him to some nice lovely ladies that are right up his alley.

If YOU DONT want sex. SAY NO! mean it! back him up and say NO! and if you ask me again, I will take out a warrant with a restraining order. I am disabled (according to you) and I am NOT able to provide for YOUR needs anymore. Please seek your rememdy elsewhere. Meet him at the door and say "if you are here for sex, get back in your car. None exists here."

Good luck. You are between a rock and a hard place.