[Blessings2You]

How many of us were brought up under that adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?

I was talking with my daughter earlier, and she believes that philosophy taught at least a couple of generations that verbal abuse and bullying is at best not harmful, and at worst "okay". That we should just not let it get to us, as if it is somehow our fault if we don't shake it off.

I'm still pondering this. As a kid, I felt empowered when I shot that back at another kid who was teasing me or otherwise being mean.

But of course, now we all know that words certainly do hurt people, and verbal abuse can be just as cruel as any other kind. Perhaps more.

Do you think that old saying contributed to making us more vulnerable to verbal abusers? Did it give us a mental "weapon" against hurtful words? Or is it just a harmless old saying?

[Kitty]

I remember that saying well. It seems like "way back then" it was thought that unless you were physically harmed you were okay. Verbal abuse didn't get as much attention as it does today.

Words can cut to the core.......and while a bruise fades or a broken bone heals the scars from words can remain forever.

[SallyC]

I think that old saying had a simpler meaning, in the old days. I think it just meant that with words like "Fatty fatty 2 by 4, couldn't get thru the bathroom door", did not physically hurt you. You had to let a lot of that stuff roll off your back or you set yourself up as a victim/nurd and the mean kids all teased victims/nurds.

The words have become more vicious and now, even plastered on the internet, for all to see. Kids are committing suicide because of these words!!

I always liked "I'm made of rubber, you're made of glue and those words bounce off of me and stick to you"

[Jodylee]

Hi B2y, Do ya want me to explain it to her? She hasn't met my 'companion'.

[Becca44]

Originally Posted by Blessings2You

Do you think that old saying contributed to making us more vulnerable to verbal abusers? Did it give us a mental "weapon" against hurtful words? Or is it just a harmless old saying?

I think we're as vulnerable as we ever were to verbal abusers. Some are more hurt by it than others. It's probably always been that way.
"Sticks and stones can break my bones...." was a great comeback, and for some it aptly described how they really felt because they had a solid sense of self-esteem. For others, it was (still) a great comeback - sure sounded good - but the words still sunk in and hurt, anyway.
I love the quote that's something like: "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission". But if your parents never taught you how special you were, or if you've heard negative messages about yourself from others consistently throughout your life, I'm sure it's a hard thing to remember and hold dear.

[marion06095]

I always stuck with "I know you are, but what am I?" for its simple elegance.

[Jules A]

Very interesting thread! Maybe our tolerance is just lower now and with the internet reaching everywhere it is probably necessary with regard to bullying. I mean back in the day it might have been hurtful for someone to write something mean about you on the bathroom wall but now it is being broadcase into everyone's homes, other school's students have access to the gossip and with our technology fake pictures, copy/paste things etc. really have the ability to make it more damaging than just girls in the restroom at my school reading "Jules sucks".

As with anything there are pros and cons. I mean it is wonderful and necessary that scapegoating is no longer tolerated however I do think as a well adjusted human we need to have somewhat of a thick skin and self assurance to be able to let some negativity roll off our backs.

All people aren't going to like us, some are going to be mean or jealous. Life is unfair and while no one deserves to be terrorized I do think we need to push past some of it. It takes me back to the current way of so totally insulating and praising our little ones. I really don't feel that sets them up for a realistic view of the world and at some point we all need to accept that our finger painting on the refrigerator isn't the next Monet masterpiece.

[Blessings2You]

Jules, when the "mean" girl at school did and said mean things to my granddaughter, my daughter told her "not everyone is going to be your friend".

I suppose it isn't the saying itself but what goes with it in the way of elaboration and support from parents, teachers, etc.

[Jules A]

Originally Posted by Blessings2You

Jules, when the "mean" girl at school did and said mean things to my granddaughter, my daughter told her "not everyone is going to be your friend".
.

It is heartbreaking to have to say that to your little one but I guess something we all have to learn?

This isn't an easy lifetime to get through and frankly I wouldn't recommend it.

[Kitty]

It seems like things are more publicized these days.....and everyone gets to put their 2 cents into every situation whether it involves them or not. Depending on the situation everything might have resolved itself but then someone will be "offended" at something someone said or the way they said it....and before you know it the whole thing is completely blown out of proportion.

When I was a little girl I remember schoolyard arguments and even "fights" (boys shoving each other or wrestling in the dirt) but when the bell rang everyone got up, went inside and got on with their day. Now, the police are called, lawyers are involved and someone always threatens to sue. I know some situations call for intervention but sometimes it just seems way out of hand. Whatever happened to writing 100 times on the blackboard "I will not spit on Clarence and call him cross-eyed".