[Twinkletoes]

Okay, I'm sure you've all heard about post-menopausal Barbie:


Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic ...

1. Bifocals Barbie ...
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie ...
Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie ...
As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie ...
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie ...
Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie ...
Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie ...
All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie ...
It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie ...
Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie ...
Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie ...
This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Alonzo sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.


For Halloween I want to be "post-menopausal Dorothy" -- you know, from Wizard of Oz. I obviously don't want to wear a diaper to suggest she (like Barbie) wets when she sneezes.

Please offer some suggestions of how I can pull this off. There's an office prize at stake!

BTW, I have the dress, the shoes, the hair/wig (which I want to put some gray into). I even have a stuffed Toto! What else can I add -- a handheld fan methinks -- to make my costume complete?

[SallyC]

LOL, Twink. I think I'll just come as myself to the halloween party, since they don't make a "post everything" Sally doll..

[Dejibo]

STrap a flying monkey to your back, and hold onto a melted witches broom (it melted from the bed sweats that come with night sweats.) and turn those ruby slippers into real slippers, not high heels. Put sequins on velcro shoes.

This is such a great idea!

[mrsD]

Sounds like a good plan....don't forget to use a cane!

You could also make a faux "life alert" thing to wear conspicuously around your neck!

Print Life Alert in red letters on the little sign! So others can see it.

[tkrik]

Well, let's see . . .One of my friends is going through this and from what she describes to me, I think Dorothy's hair needs to have a slightly messy look as she just went through hormonal he!!.

Taken from the list of 34 Menopause Symptoms, these are some things that you can do for some of the symptoms. Some of the ones on the list would be too difficult to do so I only put the ones that I could think of things that you could add to your "attire" and look.


Hot Flashes, Flushes and/or Cold Flashes - Spritz your face often got give that sweaty hot flash look. Maybe put some extra blush all over your face as apparently hot flashes can make you look flushed.


Night Sweats - Sweat marks on the costume may give the same look and represent the night sweats some women get.

Mood Swings, Sudden Tears - Carry tissues with you for this symptom.

Fatigue - Make yourself look tired by applying some brownish color eye shadow under your eyes.

Hair Loss or Thinning, Head, Pubic, or Whole Body; Increase in Facial Hair - Pull some hair out of that wig. Also take false eyelashes and cut a few for the facial hair.

Digestive Problems, Gastrointestinal Distress, Indigestion, Flatulence, Gas Pain, Nausea - Carry a clear plastic "purse" and put some Beano, Tums, or something like that in there.

Changes in Fingernails-Softer, Crack or Break Easier - Put fake nails on and crack and/or chip them.

Aching, Sore Joints, Muscles and Tendons - Maybe put some joint cream in that clear plastic purse.

Once you get your outfit together, take pictures. We want to see this. Have fun with it.

[Twinkletoes]

Thanks so much!

At DD's house right now, so will give it more thought later.

Exactly what I was hoping for! You guys ROCK!!!