[Blessings2You]

Well, not really facing it...more like hiding under my bed with my hands over my ears going "La la la I'm not listening la la la".

I'm actually feeling sick to my stomach every time I force myself to face the uncertainty about how long we can stay in this house. I've lived on this 1/3 acre for forty years, and assumed I'd grow old and die here.

My husband no longer drives. He has lung disease, a frozen shoulder, and he'll be 76 in the spring. He's struggling to shovel snow, mow the lawn. Haven't had good luck finding someone to hire, only those who charge more than we can pay.

Me--well, y'all know my troubles. More days that I can't go out than days that I dare. The winters last 15 months up here, and when I see ice, I see a broken hip and a nursing home. I'm not all that steady on flat dry ground, or the living room carpet for that matter! So even getting the mail is an issue.

I don't know where we'd go. I wonder if we could sell this house, now a fixer-upper. I wonder if we'd survive sorting, deciding, packing, moving. It all makes my stomach hurt.

Makes me want to take a pill and go to bed and make it all go away for a few more hours. I knew the time would come...figured I'd be in my eighties, not 61. Poop.

[ewizabeth]

I have relatives in their early 80s. He has diabetes, neuropathy and parkinsons and he can't walk anymore worth a darn. She does ok but does not get around fast. They just sold their farmette and moved to the burbs to a large ranch house. They are doing ok. You can do it. Think positive, AND hire a good moving company.

[SallyC]

I should have moved to a handicapped accessable condo when my Hubby died, but I didn't. Instead, I made this place as accessable as I could. I wish I had moved??

Do it while you can for both your sakes. I know it seems like an impossible job but take your time. Do you have children and other family or church, who can help?

[Twinkletoes]

Well, nuts, Blessings.

That's just hard. *sigh*

Well, dear Lady, I guess you'd better peek out from under da bed and see what you can do "proactively," while you can be in charge of things -- rather than waiting for "something to break" when others must step in and make decisions on your (you and DH's) behalf.

"Waiting for something to break" was the phrase we used when we were trying to transition my dear Mom from house to nursing home due to Alzheimers. Of course she resisted -- its human nature to want to stay where we feel safe and comfortable -- until finally her hip literally broke. She no longer had a choice and we no longer had to create a "reason" for her to move (Dad couldn't take care of her needs any longer).

But its apparent you no longer feel safe, Blessings. Good for you for recognizing and making an effort to come to terms with that reality!!! You are trying to protect yourself and your dear husband. Best to make the move before you are forced to, don't you think?

Much love to you, dear lady. Let us know if we can help. I can still wield a paint roller and brush -- sounds like your house could use a fresh coat. DH & I will be heading your direction in May to visit friends. I would love to help!

Perhaps next Christmas you'll look back and say to each other, "That was a smart move! What took us so long?"

[Debbie D]

Awww...(((B2Y)))

I think you have decided what is necessary...now it's just pulling up your bootstraps and diving in...
take a room a week and start dividing and tossing. Concentrate on only that room.
Once you have divested yourself of all that is not needed, then you can look around at what can be done cheaply...maybe a good cleaning service, maybe a handyman who is looking for a few bucks to take care of basic repairs.

You need to do this before it becomes a crisis...

[aussiemom]

My parents were in good health when they did the snowbird-to permanent residents here in Fl. Then DH & I moved here. My dad talked us into buying a duplex. The last thing I wanted. After about 7 years, my dad told us to kick the tennants out, he & mom were going to move in. His house sold quickly, they moved in. 6 months later he was dead.

Mom was still active, didn't have house worries, life was good. Then she started to go down, and moved in with me. She did end up in a nursing home, I couldn't take care of her any more. Her doc told me I did the right thing.

So I guess my point is, could you sell your place, buy a duplex and do something similar? It did work well for us, might not for everybody. Just a thought.

[Blessings2You]

Right now I'm thinking I'll try to combine plans, so to speak. Downsize as much as I feel I can right now, sort and LABEL everything so that if I (or someone) need to get rid of stuff quickly, it will at least be triaged.

Then I'm going to put more effort into finding someone who can shovel snow and (eventually) mow the lawn. We are on a pretty tight budget, so may have to lower our (his) expectations. He's always been sort of a perfectionist...I don't mean compulsive, but he doesn't believe in being slipshod about work. If we hire a lazybutt teenager, we may have to swallow some slipshod.

Anyway, so the tentative plan is to get ready to move, but NOT move (if we can help it). My son has got his hands full right now with his wife's medical problems, but I think he'll pitch in as soon as he can. And the church is right next door.

Hey Twink, where are your friends in this area?

[Kitty]

B2Y, can you put in a request at your church for help? There's probably several people there who can do the things you need. You've been an active member there for a long time. I'm sure if they knew what you needed they'd have a crew out there in no time!

[tkrik]

It's so hard to be facing these realities when we are still "young." I feel for you and many of us who have had to make changes for health reasons.

I think you have a good plan by starting to prepare to move, whether you do or not. It will make it much easier when the time comes. Take your time though and pick one room at a time.

[hollym]

Originally Posted by Kitty

B2Y, can you put in a request at your church for help? There's probably several people there who can do the things you need. You've been an active member there for a long time. I'm sure if they knew what you needed they'd have a crew out there in no time!

I agree! You might even make someone's day. There might be that person out there at your church who senses your need, but doesn't want to offend you or overstep.

I wish I lived closer. I have a 14 year old who would love to make some money and help you out and I assure you that his mother wouldn't allow him to overcharge or do slipshod work.