We knew she had kidneu failure and sometime it raised its ugly head and sometimes she was OK. But it has been bad lately. She has COPD really bad and right now has pnuemonia in both lungs. Then her blood count came back this week and her hemoglobin was 3 So she was taken to the hospital today. She has some really strange antibodies that make getting blood pretty difficult. So I have been at the hospital all day. She has a daughter that comes around about once a year and at that time tries to take total control. She is the dutiful daughter doing everything for Mom. My husband and one of the brothers are the ones who take care of her. The brother is hard of hearing. So in this hospital room is the daughter, her two kids, who all rank of cigarettes, a hard of hearing son and his wife who just tried to stay out of the way and my husband and I. I just had to leave. This daughter and kids are always asking for money for rent, medicine, food, etc. But they are all covered with tattoos, and stink. I am sorry if I offend anyone but they look worse than trailer trash. But she immediately dismisses me at MIL bedside and lets me know I am the in law. I would knock her teeth out but she has none, wears no dentures and is only 50 years old, wears bad make up and the color she put on her hair is terrible. Can you tell I am about ready to spit nails right now. This is the only parent I have left. I know she is my MIL but she has been that for 40 years and she wants me to call her Mom. When she was able to get out and go out with us when I assisted her out of her wh/ch to stand to get in the car we would stand and give each other a big hug and kiss. Then there is the other son that just doesn't see her, call or anything. One year the nursing home let us know she was accumulating to much money in her account so MIL wrote us all checks. You better believe the two of them got there to see her real quick. But where are they now?

OK, I think I am done. I am just really tired. Between yesterdays drama and today my brain is gone

You'd like to think a situation like this would bring out the "best" in people, but sadly it usually only brings out the "real" in people. I'm guessing a good part of your anger is because of the disrespect being shown to your mother-in-law, and I don't blame you. How very sad.

I agree with B2Y....you have every right to be hurt by this behavior. These situations do bring out the worst is folks. Guess it's their guilt making them behave badly.

Getting all stressed out won't do you or your MIL any good. She knows who's been with her in good times and bad. Believe me, she knows.

Just take the high road and show those fair-weather family members how a "real" family member behaves. It's hard....probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But the One who's most important will see it all.

Thanks you guys. Between the heat and all this I am just kapoot. Is that a word?

It is a word! I spell it kaput but it sounds the same and means the same. And feels the same. Hope you get some rest and recuperate quickly.

Your MIL knows who really loves her. I hope she feels better soon!

{{{Doydie}}}

too bad we can't choose who gets to be our family. You & your husband do what you think is right for your MIL. The rest of them be damned (pardon my french)

Your sis in law is MY sister! Stands up to take control in public when she wants to look good, or if she thinks the will may come into play, but close the door and she flops back in the chair and sticks her hand out. No teeth, tatooed, stinks of an ashtray, hasnt washed her hair in days, no clean clothes to her name, and yet screams how its HER that takes care of that old woman, its HER that will be in charge of things when she is gone. UGH! you can HAVE IT ALL! Just step away from her while she is alive. You are really not helping! So, I know exactly what you are saying.

Can you visit during off or less than peak hours? Early AM is a good time to avoid the lazy bones. This gives you time when things are quiet and calm around the hospital. Dinner time is an awful time because of how many show up then, and how many orders get changed during the day.

You have worked really hard with her, and in-law or not, its YOU that has shown up day or night, sick or well, and you dont need to prove yourself to the likes of her or anyone else.

Hang in there.

My time in nursing lets me rationalize why why she is is the way she is when she is with the family. She feels guilt and this is the way she has to be when she is with her Mom and us. Yes, I can rationalize but that doens't mean I have to accept.

the hospital staff knows who really cares for your MIL. They see the acting by family all the time.

Mother in law is doing very well. It has made me brush up on some nursing knowledge that I had forgotten but there is nothing wrong with that. I had forgotten a lot about kidney failure and how it relates to anemia. She had enough spunk in her today that when we got up there to see her that she had both legs out of the bed. She would have broke another hip! She has a bed alarm so hopefully it would have gone off before she actually tried to stand. I am surprised that Medicaid is letting her still be in the hospital.