[PamelaJune]

We spoke of hernias, and here I am just diagnosed with multiple incisional hernias. I'm seeing the GP at 10 in the morning. Tonight I'm stricken with yet another bowel obstruction, only now I'm wondering is that what it is, have I been confusing these regular events with hernias and the gut popping out through the muscle.. I've been so sick tonight, fortunately I know what to do and have made full use of pain relief, reliving gut pressure (vomiting) muscle relaxant. So I've spent 3 hours on the loo with a bowl, having had the epidural on Friday every time I vomit I urinate. Saturday night caught me out badly and I had to clean everything up before DB got home from work as I was so embarrassed. On the floor saying hello to Ralph at strength ten and whoosh, my bladder just burst. After that hysterical mop and clean up I thought I escaped the bullet, but it seems not and that's why I think it's the hernias popping through. I can see them, I push them in and they disappears then oh so slowly pop back out. They hurt like the dickens to. I know I should go to hospital tonight for the usual nasal gastric tube and pain relief (they normally admit me) but DB is hanging on by a grim thin thread so nix to that idea. I'm so worn out, confused, upset and hanging on myself with a thread. Apologies to add a thread to your stumble inn, but you all seem so very caring and I'm in extra need of care right now. I'm at my wits end, wondering what I have done in my life to bring all this on.

Oh and as usual, my mother has once again used my ill health as a springboard to launch another written verbal attack on me, while I'm in hospital last Friday night covered in blood and suffering yet another grade 1 AV block, so low BP they had to keep me in overnight she chooses to share snippets of info and tell me I've caused all these problems myself and I should be more caring of my sister because she is sick. Oh an so is my niece, while I'm trying to tell mum how ill I am she is busily grasping her chest gasping and telling me my niece has Reynauds disease and is so very ill. (She doesn't and nor is my sister ill - nothing wrong with either of them) but everyone is always worse than me in her eyes, I truly believe she believes I'm a malingerer. Sorry to rant, I just want to cry and cry. It's 1.30am, I'm up & in rolling pain, feeling violently ill and quietly vomiting. Yes, it's all in my mind ....