Wow, what a story. We can all relate to it.

When we tell a casual aquaintance you never know how they'll react. Most times it's the "gee, you look so good...I would've never known by looking at you". To this I sometimes say " I may look alright on the outside, but on the inside, there's alot going on here!"... as I gesture waving my hands around my body.

To this they usually ask, "Well what is going on?". I then have to option to tell them what I choose. It's a somewhat light hearted moment as they see how comfortable I am at talking about it. When I change the subject the conversation is usually over.


It's the silence that hurt you, it made you guess at what she was thinking. She might have been thinking..."boy, I made a fool of myself talking and talking about the gym!" and she was embarrassed!

I'm so sorry! She sounds like a spoiled and self centered bimbo! The problem lies with her, not you!! There she sits high and mighty in her own little world, probably broke up this man's marriage to his 'older' wife and has no clear understanding of anything but her body, of which she worships.

You hold your head high and if you ever invite her over for dinner, make sure you invite a group of people so you don't have to entertain her alone. The only reason I would consider it myself is for the sake of your DH relationship with his peer.

You have a right to be mad and hurt. I just hope you can put it behind you pronto...again, its her problem, not yours

Ahh Chris,

I am willing to bet that she was going over everything she said in her head to see if she said something stupid. She was more than likely stunned and didn't know what to say, and didn't want to say the wrong thing and make things worse.

I'd give her a call when you are ready and do the old "we had a lovely time" and invite her and the husband over for dinner in the near future, like Sassy said. It will be easier to talk to her on your own turf.

Of course, if you and your husband paid, she should be on the phone to you doing the "thanks for a lovely time" tout suite! Then you can easily just bring up the whole MS thing..."I think I stunned you the other night and that wasn't my intent, I just find it hard to just bring up and..." You can give her the standard speech you have prepared and used before with others...or have one ready.

Either way, I hope dinner was good and I'd just let it go unless it means a LOT to your husband to continue the relationship.

Sounds like more of an interpersonal thing - the two of you just didn't hit it off and it wasn't all about whether you had ms or not.

She misinterpreted you, and perhaps you didn't get her so well, either.

She seemed to think she was being big, offering you free gym priveledges - I took that more like *shoving it down your throat* LOL. I hate gyms. Sick or not, no way I'd go. Offer once or twice and I would have said "Thanks, I'll give you a call one day. We'll set something up." Never meaning to follow up on that.



Keep on it, and I would have told you I was just being polite and I wouldn't go if you put a gun to my head.




After the ms reveal, when she clammed up, I would have said something - but that's just me. Cat's out of the bag, so what have I got to lose?

At that point, I already know I'm really not crazy about her. And I'm not one to bend over backwards to make people love me - specially if I am not loving them.

I would have said something like, "Don't worry, it's not catchy." LOL. Then "So, the food was pretty good, don't you think?"


If you have to deal with these people again, you might tell her you're sorry for that awkard moment. (Not that it is your fault, but that makes you the bigger person. She's already shown me she is not.) Tell her you keep our health issues rather private because you never know what to say, but that this is the reason you don't join gyms, nothing personal against her.

You needed your husband's arm to assist you on the steps, so of course exercise would be best under the guidance of a physical therapist. Or something to that effect.

Thank you everyone! You all DO get it, and that is what makes all of you so special! I think many of you are correct in that I did stun here, and put her in a position where she may have realised everything she had said to me during dinner was completely inappropriate. This morning, my husband asked if he should call the husband and apologize for not letting them know about the MS before. There are a few people at his plant who do know, but because of my profession, I try and not tell people until I really get to know them. I'm not sure how someone would react if I were to tell them that I had MS, as I was about to deliver their baby. My revelation about my MS has been a problem ever since I was diagnosed and decided to become a Midwife. My first employer was adamant that I don't say anything to anyone for fear that it would drive patients away (which after I ended up telling some of my long standing patients, it never did; in fact I believe they trusted me even more with their health as they knew I was also a patient as well as a provider).

Back to my husband, I told him not to call, as I wanted her to get used to the idea that I have MS. Perhaps she never knew anyone with it, and needs to research it further? I'm going to give it a few weeks, and then invite them over for dinner at our home. I think I may give her some information about MS at that time, as well as talk about some of the other things we discussed over dinner (she and her husband are planning on going to Europe this summer, and she wanted to know all about the UK). It's just so hard at times to know how people are going to react. I don't want to be treated differently than anyone else, yet, I know in my heart, those people who know do it out of the kindness of their hearts. It is a bit of a double edged sword, I suppose.

After all these years of living with this bloody disease, everyday still poses new problems and questions. It's always the "when" and "if" to tell problem in a social situation at this stage in my disease. Professionally, I understand that it's not necessary to tell anyone unless I want to, as most of my patients are not my friends, and my MS has no effect on my healthcare delivery to them. But to a friend or acquaintance, it obviously makes a difference in the relationship. Once again, thank you for all of your well thought out responses. I most certainly appreciate it!

Oh, and by the way, dinner was delicious. I had a HUGE piece of Red Snapper that sat on a bed of sauteed spinach. I'm about to have the rest of it for lunch.

chris,

i haven't read the replies yet, just your first post.

my first thought at her reaction/response was that she felt like a fool. big time put her foot in her mouth and just didn't know what to say.

if you can, try and go with what you first felt for her. that maybe a friendship could come out of this.

you might not be able to go to her regular class at the gym, but they might have tai chi or a beginner yoga class. or maybe just go to lunch.

she probably has no clue about ms.

i can't do the things i used to. you wouldn't know it by looking at the outside. i have been in these type of situations before. especially with us owning a gym.

mega hugs.

Hi Chris,
It always surprises me how differently things are interpreted by different people. To me, it sounded like you did hit it off with her and she was excited about meeting someone she liked so much right away. If she was overly enthusiastic or even pushy it sure didn't sound malicious or self-centered as some suggested.

I don't tell many people anymore mostly because of professional issues also but some times like when you needed your husband to climb the steps, imo it is just easier to be honest. The people I've told have all been very supportive and a bit curious. Since I look good also I usually give the very brief "its is different for everyone, some people do great for years and years and other decline quickly. Unfortunately there is no way to predict how it will be so I'm just going to continue working, going to school and living my wonderfully hectic life as long as I am able" which seems to satisfy and then we move on to the next more interesting topic.

Hang in there and I hope you can give this woman another chance because I think its exciting to meet someone new around your age that you hit it off with and maybe on a day when you feel good you could join her for a walk on the treadmill at her gym. Jules

Thank you yappy. I didn't know that you owned a Gym. Do you yourself work out there, and if so, what else besides the treadmill (we have one at home) is helpful to you? I just realised I hijacked my own post, but I'm interested to know. I've taken Yoga before, but I don't know that my balance of late would allow me to be safe in such a class. I'd be interested to hear what you suggest. I enjoy exercising. It's a great stress reliever for me, and I also believe that it is very beneficial for MS patients who are able to tolerate it.

THANKS!

Hello Jules,
I don't believe I've seen you around before, but you are right on spot! That is exactly what I plan on doing. I'm going to give her a second chance, as I do realise not everyone understands what MS is exactly, and she was possibly caught off guard. We plan on having them over to dinner at our home sometime in the near future, and we'll take it from there.

well..if you can't go ot topic on your own thread...who's can you?

the beginner yoga classes are the best. but don't ever feel like you HAVE to do everything everyone is doing in any class. always just do what you can.

the bike is a great piece of cardio. it's repetative. with a recumbant bike you don't have to worry about balance. you are sitting and pedaling in front of you.

most gyms have selectorized equipment. wich mean you just place a pin and select the weight from a weight stack. no having to load plates. you can use this equipment even with no weights. that will help with range of motion. then gradually add weight. also starting with no weight will allow you to know which movements you feel comfortable with.

dang chris..i wish you lived here. i have been a trainer for almost 20 years. done lots of therapy with people.

we can take this to pm if you want.