like you are a leper? Last evening my husband and I went out to dinner with another engineer he works with and his wife. Michael told me we were going for "his sake", as this gent is above him in the coporate ladder and he felt this was the proper thing to do in order to move up in his department. This gent is in his mid 50's, so I assumed his wife would be in the same age category as well. We were going to a restaurant that was close to their home, so Michael told them we'd pick them up and we'd all go together.

I drive a small SUV, and I do have a handicapped placard that we keep on the dashboard when it's not being used. I also always keep a cane in the backseat of my vehicle "just in case". When we picked up the couple last evening, I stayed in the car, whilst Michael went to the front door and rang their bell to get them rather than just honking the horn for them.

To our surprise, the wife appeared and clearly was about the same age as Michael and myself (mid to early 30's). She was lovely, and we were all having a lively conversation in the car on the way to dinner. When we got to the restaurant, Michael dropped myself and the other couple off at the front entrance, and went to park the car. There were about 6 stone steps leading into the restaurant, and I didn't notice a handrail, so I knew I was going to need Michael's help getting up the steps as it was very dark as well as the fact that the steps were quite steep.

Whilst we were waiting on Michael, the other woman said to me, "let's go in and wait for the guys inside". I didn't want to tell her that the steps might pose a problem for me, so I told her I would prefer to wait on my husband. Both she and her husband looked at me as if I were a bit strange, but after an awkward pause, Michael finally appeared, and he immediately grabbed my arm and helped me up the steps (if you didn't know I had MS, you would have simply thought my husband was simply being a gentleman and offering his arm to his wife as a kind gesture).

During dinner, the wife spoke with me about all the different things she does during the day (she doesn't work at all, and they have no children). She knows that I now work P-T, and used to work F-T. Several times during the evening she invited me to come to her gym with her to work out as a guest. I didn't know her well enough to discuss my MS with her, and didn't want to bring it up, as I find that often when I do, the conversation comes to an abrupt halt, as most people are quite shocked and have no idea what to say to me or my husband. I'm sure you have all been asked how long it will be before you are in a wheelchair or if you are one of "Jerry's kids". Anyway, the wife continued to ask me about working out with her and I finally said that I'm often strained for time and I work out on a treadmill at home (which I do), and that my schedule isn't stable enough for me to commit to a gym class. She persisted, insisting that I could be her guest anytime I'd like to go with her!

After what seemed like hours, dinner was finally over, and we all walked outside, and again, Michael offered me his arm whilst we walked down the steps. As we were waiting for Michael to get the car, the wife turned to me and said something eluding to the fact that we must be newlyweds, as Michael is still so "attentive" to me. I didn't say anything, and neither did her husband who does know that we are not newlyweds.

Michael finally drove the car around, and I immediately entered the back seat so that the men could both be up front, and also because there is more leg room in the front. My cane was sitting on the floor, and the wife turned to me and asked what it was for. I finally told her that I had MS, and had been diagnosed with it almost 10 years ago. From that point on, she didn't say a word to me. I didn't know what to say either.....I felt like I was on the verge of tears. Micheal could tell that the conversation had come to an abrupt halt between the two of us, and tried to include both of us in their conversation (they had been discussing some work issues). When we returned to their home, we dropped them off, and I told the wife what a lovely time I had, and that I had thoroughly enjoyed meeting both she and her husband, and that we should do this again. Her husband turned around, shook my hand, and said that he "would like that". The wife quickly said her goodbyes and got out of the car as soon as she could, and barely uddered a word besides her goodbye. I got out of the backseat, and went to go sit in the front seat for the ride home. I could feel her staring at me whilst I got out of the car. I felt like I was some kind of a freak or something.

During the drive home, I broke down and told Michael that I doubted we'd be going out with them again, as I was sure she felt like I was a leper or was contagious with some type of fatal disease. I enjoy cooking, and when I have the time, we do entertain at home, so Michael suggested that perhaps we ought to invite them over. He feels that if she sees me getting on in a more familiar environment she wouldn't be as fearful and would be more understanding and more open to dialogue about MS.

At this point, I don't want to even see her again, let alone invite her into our home and entertain her!! Perhaps, I'm just being overly sensitive, but I'm not even able to sleep because I am so hurt and upset about what transpired last evening. What would you do in this situation? Am I being overly sensitive and just having a bad MS day or was this woman blatently rude to me?

Thank you for reading this, if you've made it this far! I realise this is long, but I knew you would understand, and many of you may have been in the same spot. I appreciate your input.

Chris

Some people just don't get it. They are convinced that everyone lives with the same clouded perceptions that they do. (My ex-wife has become one of these people).

It's the worse form of ignorance there is.

Regardless of her, was the food any good?

Chris,

Maybe she was realizing all of the things she said during the evening that may have made you feel uncomfortable. She might not have known what to say. I doubt it though, she seemed to be mostly concerned with herself anyway.

She could've just apologized if she was embarrased because of her prodding.

I'm upfront with my having MS because then I can see what someone is really like from the start . I really can't hide it right now even if I want to. I walk like my legs are made of jello! If they don't deal with it properly then I don't need or want to be around them anyway. I don't mind if they ask questions out of ignorance. I love to educate them !

So sorry this happened to you, people are just so insensitive sometimes.

I understand how there are those in this world who don't know how to take no for an answer. And there are those in this world who think their way of life is the only way of life.
Of course you were in tears. How stressful! It must have been frustrating for you, that the ONLY thing this woman seemed to want to discuss was going to her gym....makes you wonder....
And then of course, after the MS being mentioned....the LEAST she could have asked..."what does it mean for you?"
And I have to add to the wheelchair & "jerry's kids' beliefs....the Parkinson's and Muhammed Ali thoughts.
Ignorance is certainly not bliss!

So tell us.....was is a successful business dinner? What was on the menu?
Todays' a whole new day

Chris, Im sorry you had to deal with such a jerk.

Really its plain and simple, some people are just idiots. Im sorry
your dinner companion was one.

Get some rest.

Soxmom

Oh, Chris, it is so common at times, we almost need tattoos declaring that it's not AIDS!

From your description, it seems that this woman is highly charged by the superficial busy-ness of daily living with little regard for the human condition. I bid farewell to a couple friends like this years ago and have since learned that when one of them experienced a relatively minor gallbladder incident, she was completely furious that hordes of people were not on her doorstep to mollycoddle her.

Rise up, my friend, there are millions of real people everywhere and most are far more deserving of your time and considerations.


So, who got socked with the check?

What AFM said !!!

This woman seemed very shallow, self consumed and superficial.

I try to see the other side - perhaps she just didn't know what to say or how to react and that does happen to people - good people. BUT - your additional comments that she continued to push you to work out with her - sounds like the whole world is supposed to revolve around her and anybody who is not "perfect" (in her mind) doesn't fit into her world.

If she is indeed as shallow as she sounds, then I feel sorry for her (trying not to be angry - because I can only imagine how much this hurt you ). It is her loss - she missed out on what could have been a good friendship with you and she is missing out on what life REALLY is about. Sadly, there are some people who go through their entire life and never get it.

You certainly did handle it wonderfully well - I get hurt very easily and would have had an awful time controlling my emotions in this situation.

As Moose said - was the food good ????? At least this didn't happen until after the meal was over.

I would be tempted to give this person another chance. My first thought was that she may have been a little miffed that while she was trying to talk you into the exercise program you weren't honest with her at that time.

She may have been embarrassed that she didn't notice, even tho you say there is nothing to notice.

If you liked her and her husband then I say invite them over, after dinner tell her how sorry you are that you dropped the bomb about MS and ask her if she has any questions about you and the disease and then get on with the building of a new friendship.

That's just my humble opinion but if you truly did not like her for other reasons then no reason to pursue a relationship I guess.

So sorry you didn't have a wonderful evening. Just maybe she didn't understand what MS was and was too embarrassed to ask you what it was and than felt too awkward to keep up conversation.

Today is a new day and you don't even have to have her over for dinner if you don't want to.

Just a side note, I'm 34 and my DH is 58, we have been married 11 years (but we do have 7 kids so I have enough things to do in the day, LOL).

Thanks, Sassy. You saved me lots of typing.

I think she genuinely (as genuine as she is) liked and wanted to spend time with you, but was maybe hurt/baffled on why you didn't seem to be warming up to her offer to get together.

I also think she was very humbled by your honesty in the end, and didn't know what to say at that point. Perhaps she was even feeling very bad about anything she might have said , so her mind was just spinning from that point.

I'm not sure you can salvage a relationship as she may be too humiliated. This is the EXACT reason I am very open and honest about the MS from the get-go, so there are no "strange" feelings (on either side) when it does come out. I understand your desire for privacy . . . I just choose to handle it differently.

Cherie