If someone you knew came begging for your help or desperately trying to seek answers because she was being abused (verbal, emotional. rough handling) how would you react???

What would you expect from the person you are trying to help?

This person was given so many resources, advice, a shoulder to cry on, ideas,and opportunities which as far as I know was poo pood or she was unable to do this or that at this time

When I acknowledged this and asked why not? I was censored and was frowned upon.

I felt that this person reeled everyone in and then cut the line. All these people felt sorry for her, worried about her, prayed for her and then all of a sudden She says it's not that bad!!! whuh!!!

I called her out! This person constantly does this. Am I the only person that sees this????

Anyway I am a normally calm nonconfrontational person

I let her know that I felt it wrong to worry so many people and questioned why it happened. I just wanted an explanation.

Again I was sensored. Dog gone it!!

I feel like a rebel now

Abuse is Abuse in my book and it's a very strong word and if you aren't being abused, don't say you are

Would love some opinions

What do you think


* im a good girl.....im a good girl...im a good girl

I've seen that before too, Bethie. It seems like there are people in this world whose only "joy" is in getting attention from others. It has to be a horrible place inside and it seems like the void can never be filled.

A friend of mine is in a similar jam, she hates her job, she hated the job before this one, everyone she works with is a jerk,.... bottom line is, she hates to work! How can we help someone who won't be helped???

I agree! Abuse is abuse!

I think some people just like the attention and the "oh poor you" reaction.

I guess the only suggestion I can make is listen and be there if the s*** hits the fan for real. I know it is difficult to listen to it all over and over again. Someone is not going to accept help if they don't think they need it. If the friendship is that important to you, then you will be there. If it is not, then do you really need the constant worry?

So true, Girlie. The thing is, when a person spends her lifetime "crying wolf", how on earth are we supposed to know when it's the real thing? I was once actively involved in domestic abuse rescue and when you see the terror in that woman's eyes, there is no mistaking it. I honestly believe that there are people who exaggerate their situation just to get that "oh poor you" reaction. They just can't seem to get enough of it.

I agree with AMN and Girlie, abuse is abuse.

However, not knowing the full situation I can't really say it is for attention. The abuser may be playing mind games with her. It is all too common. She will talk about the abuse but because of the verbal and emotional abuse she will not take action until she's had enough. Sometimes the fear of what the abuser will do is more than enough to keep someone in the relationship.

I learned some of this by being in a very verbally abusive relationship. Although I got out before the physical stuff happened (and it would have). Abusers play mind games that you are completely unaware of.

For now you can only listen. Offering advice will do no good until she is ready to accept it. Encourage her to seek counseling (my priest helped me see that and made recommendations). Also, pat yourself on the back for being there to listen and help. You are a good girl.

I understand everything that you have all written but the problem I have is when the person uses words like I desperately need your help or I am begging you! Those are scary words. They sound helpless so of course you want to do everything you can for them but then they come back with Oh it's really not that bad or he didn't deliberately abuse me I for one must question that person. What is real and what is not.

Why get so many of your friends panties in a bunch and then turn around and tell them life isn't that badhuh???

I feel my emotions as well as other peoples emotions were abused!

In a round-about way, Bethie, it sounds like this woman is abusing your good intentions. She sounds like the type who is never satisfied with anything but the attention and pity. It's a form of manipulation.

The most disturbing part of this behavior is that she may be causing others to become so jaded to the situation that they will think twice before helping someone who is genuinely desperate and truly in need of help.

You might just have to walk away and give yourself a rest from her.

I agree with you, Beth. Unfortunately, this has probably become a pattern of behavior for this person and it's unlikely to change. They like the attention that it gives them. They are what I call "drama queens". Make it shound really, really bad and urgent and then when a group of concerned friends suggests something that might require action all of a sudden things aren't as bad as originally described.

Sox made a very good point. I too did not talk about what was going on in my home. I never asked for help. I never talked to my family and friends about things that were happening in the house. In fact, a lot of the verbal stuff that was going on I didn't realize until much later.

It was my boss that sensed that things weren't right and talked to me one day. While I was taken back by it, I also was defensive. It took me a while but after a few bizarre events, I knew what I had to do. (Mental illness was involved here). Bless my bosses heart! When I came to decision to leave I asked for time off to move. Not only did he give me a few days off, he gave some of the employees (men) time off to help me move and one of the girls in the office the day off to be with me.

Never did I say the things this girl has said. So, maybe she is seeking attention.

i know what you mean beth, your friendship, compassion and kindness, were taken advantage of and used. Unfortunately, there are some folks out there who have no guilt in doing something like this, be it for attention or because, all the screws are not tighten, either way it is not fair to the person who reaches out.

If it helps any, you did what was you, the right thing, you know the story of the good samaritan how many passed him by in his state of despair, before the one reached out, for trying Beth