Ok,
So, y'all know how much I am going through, and how stressful things are and how I am much happier staying at home than going anywhere outside my home.

Well, I have a good friend who I have known for almost 20 years who is dying. He is in the hospital and his partner said this morning he is not sure about how much longer he has. My friend has AIDS. He has lived with it for 27 years and has been a strong ox until about a year ago when he started gong down hill.

Doctors say the fact that he got the disease in 1985 and is still alive is a miracle. I accepted his death many years ago and he knows Christ, that is the only thing that is important to me.

I saw him about two weeks ago. He is barely conscious now. His partner said he would like to see me and I will likely go see him this morning, but i don't want to. I have a hard time remembering people when were healthy when I see them on their deathbed. I saw my best childhood friend on his deathbed and thats the image I remember when I think of him, much more than the years we were friends.

This is more of a ramble than anything else. See how busy my mind is? no wonder I have the anxiety I do.

I gotta start a blog...

I know what you mean about wanting to remember someone as healthy and vibrant. But he needs you and you will go.

Sending up prayers for both of you.

I'm sorry for what your friend has had to endure, Earl. But, you also know that no matter how his body has deteriorated or betrayed him, his spirit will always be alive and BEAUTIFUL. My Mother was a shell of her former self when she passed away, but I don't ever imagine her that way. I see her smile and hear her laughter in my thoughts.

Take care Earl...... thinking of ya!.

So very sorry about your Friend, Earl..

I understand what you're saying and feeling about not wanting to say goodbye to him in his dire condition, but try to remember that, inside, he is the same person you know and love.

In my younger and/or healthier years, I sat at the bedside of many loved ones as they were dying....My Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, Young Daughter in law, Mother-in law, Father and Mother..

Within the last 5, not so young and/or healthy years, I have lost my Dear Husband, Nephew, Cousin and Dear Brother. I was unable to be at their side (physically). I was sad and still am that I couldn't be with them, except on the phone and spiritially.

On the other hand and, yes it is a selfish feeling, I can still remember them all as they were, when I last saw them. Smiling, happy, alive.

Earl, do what you think your Friend would want of you and, nothing more. You can say goodbye in solemn prayer...he will know and God will know..

Earl, I'm sorry about your friend. Both of you will be in my prayers.

sorry Earl, I totally understand how you feel, go so you dont have a regret, and it may also help ease his worries too, mine and debs payers and thoughts are with yourfriend and yourself

I know it's hard, Earl..But I'm glad you're going. You'll have a ton of regrets if you don't, and there are no 2nd chances in a situation like this..I'll be thinking of you and your friend today, knowing love will shine thru!