[bobcatsrule]

Hi,

Don't know if anyone will see this, but I need to just talk for a minute about something that it totally not MS related but is bugging the tar out of me.

I am struggling with anxiety, but don't want to go to the traditional forum for that b/c i enjoy my friends here too much and ya'll are way positive and brighten my dark days. I'm having one of THOSE days right now.

I am working two jobs and feel like I'm getting burnt out already (only been at it for 2 months). I was working 3 but I resigned from one to scale back a bit. I work so hard yet I have a hard time striking a balance between work and play.

I have my own company (which i was just starting the last time i was on these forums) and it is taking off but unfortunatley my computer equipment was struck by ligthening and zap I'm out of biz. But I might get a setlement from the insurance company so that may help.

It is hard though b/c I find myself being really clingy to mentors and i try to break myself of that behavior but it is sooooo hard. I think deep down inside i feel really insecure with out knowing the future of my biz and struggling with the physical stuff. I have ADHD and am sooooooo impulsive. I get all hyper about something then i realize what I said and I kick myself for it b/c I can't deliver on what i just said.

I think i get hyper to hide my insecurity. I just don't have a lot of confidence in myself when it comes down to it. I guess that is a normal thing but I'm not sure. I should ,know since i was a psychology major but i don't.

the flex schedule is great but I find it difficult to keep up sometimes b/c i never know what my day holds for me and though i love change it gets overwhelming sometimes. I am so energetic and so bouncy that I sometimes let myself get carried away.

I guess I'll ask for some feedback from my employer (who is also mentoring me) about the way I've been handling things lately from a biz perspecitve. Maybe it isn't as bad as it seems or maybe it is worse I don't know?

I know i can do things, but I want to run and hide under the covers and not come out b/c that feels safer most of the time. I don't hide under the covers but i do hide behind big lofty ideas that sound great but are just a smoke screen for my own insecurity. my impuslivty gets me into more trouble than anything else!!!

Does anyone else out there sturggle with anxiety? Or am i just wierd? (if there is such a thing as "wierd" in this forum) <a fact that I'm grateful for by the way>. I guess that insecurity is just part of who I am but I sure do wish i could overcome it.

I play the part of happy go lucky all day long but in side i feel overwhelmed and scared of life's many challenges. has any one else out there felt this way? I doubt I'm the only one.

I don't have MS but I have learned to relate to ya'll in a special way, you guys are my friends and I appreicate that friendship.

What do you do when you feel so anxious like I'm feeling right now? I mean I guess I have reason to feel anxioius, my biz that I have worked so hard on for the past 9 months has taken a nose dive and I'm trying to nurse it back to health, (thanks to the ligthening strike). and I work really insanely long days, so I'm not getting enough sleep.

I wonder why I'm so addicted to work? hmmmm, good question there.

It will be interesting to see if I get any answers to this ramblings and what those answers will be.

Thanks for listening,

Bobcat

[lady_express_44]

Hi Bobcat.

Are you getting treatment for the anxiety and ADHD?

Have you ever been assessed for Bi-polar? Just wondering because of the emotional rollercoaster you seem to be on, and your impulsive behavior (which could also be from ADHD, but may alternatively be from bi-polar).

I think you would benefit from finding the right drugs to put you on an even keil.

I knew this young boy of a friend, who would always get himself in trouble, and his self-esteem suffered terribly from it. It ususally had to do with impulsive behavior, which he regretted terribly when he had settled down. It was ADHD, and as soon as he was on the right meds, his whole life changed.

Another alternative (for him) was apparently having routine and consistency every day. He went to live with his dad, and he was able to drop his meds because their home was far more stable, secure, and consistent. This is important for those with ADHD, especially if they are not on a med to keep them stable.

Cherie

[dmplaura]

I struggle with anxiety almost daily. I think it's an inherited trait. My grandmother (father's mother) and my father both suffer anxiety as well.

When I get into anxious mode, I have rituals of going over the anxiety in my head and rationalizing. Or, I immerse myself in something that will take my mind off what's causing the anxiety, and bring me joy. Reading or playing games for example.

[bobcatsrule]

Originally Posted by lady_express_44

Hi Bobcat.

Are you getting treatment for the anxiety and ADHD?

Have you ever been assessed for Bi-polar? Just wondering because of the emotional rollercoaster you seem to be on, and your impulsive behavior (which could also be from ADHD, but may alternatively be from bi-polar).

I think you would benefit from finding the right drugs to put you on an even keil.

I knew this young boy of a friend, who would always get himself in trouble, and his self-esteem suffered terribly from it. It ususally had to do with impulsive behavior, which he regretted terribly when he had settled down. It was ADHD, and as soon as he was on the right meds, his whole life changed.

Another alternative (for him) was apparently having routine and consistency every day. He went to live with his dad, and he was able to drop his meds because their home was far more stable, secure, and consistent. This is important for those with ADHD, especially if they are not on a med to keep them stable.

Cherie

Thanks for the concern, I have had some time to think through and sleep on my emotions (so to speak) and yeah, I'm feeling a bit better, I have had a LOT of stress on me lately and though i act as though it just rolls off my back i think it is been effecting me more than I realized. As for the ups and downs, well that is probably pretty normal for lack of sleep and the adrenaline highs and lows of trying to fight to stay awake.

I could easily see though how you could think bipolar b/c of the insane schedules. Well to put your mind at ease let me share a brief amount of context that I was too tired to include last night. I was un-employed for about 9 months and then i finally found a job with the technology company. When i finally found that job i was ready to work (after having not had the opportunity for soooooo long) and i threw myself 100% into my work (which was my habbit from college days where i had to work hard to learn - slow reader = many hours of study)

My previous job was extreamly sturctured (food service) and I had a micromanager for a boss. yet I was doing pretty well in that kind of environment. cause i thrive on structure. yet in this job I don't have any structure and I am responsible for making my own structure and that can be challenging sometimes. I'm learning how to do this but there are lots of bumps along the way.

As for the rest of my "crazy long" days, well that is just part of being a small biz owner according to my biz mentor and I don't have a bit of trouble beleiving it either, he works insane hours as well b/c that is just what it takes to get the job done.

Oh, the impulsive behavior is exacerbated by stress and this computer being struck by lightening thing has generated plenty of that. it is likely just ADHD that isn't being managed properly but we shall see when i talk with my doctor about it. I will ask my doctor about the other as well.

Thanks
Bobcat

[yeahbut]

Hey Bobcat, I don't have any great words of advice for you but I do want you to know that I feel for you.

I am under a huge amount of stress right now - and am trying to get a new business off the ground. I don't have ADHD or anxiety but I do HAVE Stress!!!! and I know how bad that sux.

Hang in there! and know yes, you are not alone!

[Dejibo]

I have struggled with anxiety for years and years! my MRI shows a lesion in that part of my brain. Panic/anxiety is horrible. it can take a walk in the park and make you worry about muggers, and stepping in dog poo. now instead of enjoying your walk, your scared, and anxious about things that MAY or MAY NOT happen. its awful!

You sound like you are doing the right things. you have mentors, you are moving forward, you are not stopping to dwell on the anxiety itself. realize its anxiety, say hello to it, and acknowledge it, but DONT live there.

RL is a struggle. MS or no MS. bills, money, food, gas prices, med prices, its all so stressful.

I hope you feel better.

[weeble37]

I am struggling big time right now with anxiety and depression and I take meds for both.

I am a teacher and next week we start school and I am a mess. My stomach is in constant knots and I'm so worried about how everything will work. There is a new schedule this year and I am teaching inclusion so that means another person in the room with me all the time basically.

You'd think that would calm me down but I'm more freaked than ever. Is she going to watch me and tell me I'm doing it all wrong? I've never had inclusion before so I am concerned that I'll do the wrong thing or something I do will be too hard!

I just want to yell and run away and hide.

I am taking 300mgs of Wellbutrin XL in the morning and 0.5 Xanax and that isn't doing much of anything. Then I also take 20mgs of Ritalin on work days to stay awake.

I love teaching but now I feel overwhelmed. I do not like this feeling one bit.

Good luck,
Weebs

[sugarboo]

I have ADHD and am under alot of work stress and to many hours too. I find talking things out help me cope. Hope you have someone you can let it out with and that you feel better soon. Life is hard. No denying it. FTR I don't take drugs for ADHD anymore. I've just worked at it for years and am okay with it...but sometimes I feel like I'm gonna crawl right out of my skin LOL!!!

This shall pass and everything is going to be okay. It will all work out. This is a good place to vent. Glad you did.

Best
J

[bobcatsrule]

Originally Posted by greenjeans

I have ADHD and am under alot of work stress and to many hours too. I find talking things out help me cope. Hope you have someone you can let it out with and that you feel better soon. Life is hard. No denying it. FTR I don't take drugs for ADHD anymore. I've just worked at it for years and am okay with it...but sometimes I feel like I'm gonna crawl right out of my skin LOL!!!

This shall pass and everything is going to be okay. It will all work out. This is a good place to vent. Glad you did.

Best
J

Thank you to all for the encouragment. I am going back TOMMOROW to see my counselor and that should help get things on an even keel. Soon! right now though I feel like I'm gonna just crawl under some rock for all the dumb things I have done while being so anxious about the small biz and junk like that. Oh well live and learn then get on with life. I've pulled myself out of worse scrapes than this.

Plus God is helping me a lot through all this so I'll be ok, i just have to keep pressing foward.

Thanks for the hugs everyone!

[lady_express_44]

Originally Posted by bobcatsrule

My previous job was extreamly sturctured (food service) and I had a micromanager for a boss. yet I was doing pretty well in that kind of environment. cause i thrive on structure. yet in this job I don't have any structure and I am responsible for making my own structure and that can be challenging sometimes. I'm learning how to do this but there are lots of bumps along the way....

Oh, the impulsive behavior is exacerbated by stress and this computer being struck by lightening thing has generated plenty of that. it is likely just ADHD that isn't being managed properly but we shall see when i talk with my doctor about it. I will ask my doctor about the other as well.

I was really just throwing out ideas, and only we (with our doctors) can actually figure out if what we are experiencing is a personally acceptable/tolerable reaction for a specific situation.

It would make sense to me that people who tend to be more anxious, and/or combined with ADHD would struggle more when there is disruption in their life. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we just have to find what works to keep our "personal" stress level down.

For instance, I hate "details" and do not do well in an environment where I am responsible for managing them. I figured that out early, when in my teens I worked in a electronics technology firm. I was doing a bit of this and bit of that, and on one occasion my boss put me in the manufacturing area to help build PC boards according to a schematic. I lasted about 2 hrs, and was in TEARS by then . . .

I went into my boss and told him "I'd rather clean the toilets with my tongue then continue doing that job for another minute". That job caused me so much stress . . . yet by most people's standards, it was an "easy" job, and it was also one of the highest paying non-technical job in the firm. I just couldn't do it though.

Once you learn what "works" for you, you will be far less anxious. A square peg just does not fit in a round hole . . . no matter how much we want it to.

Cherie