[bobcatsrule]

Hi,

Don't know if anyone will see this, but I need to just talk for a minute about something that it totally not MS related but is bugging the tar out of me.

I am struggling with anxiety, but don't want to go to the traditional forum for that b/c i enjoy my friends here too much and ya'll are way positive and brighten my dark days. I'm having one of THOSE days right now.

I am working two jobs and feel like I'm getting burnt out already (only been at it for 2 months). I was working 3 but I resigned from one to scale back a bit. I work so hard yet I have a hard time striking a balance between work and play.

I have my own company (which i was just starting the last time i was on these forums) and it is taking off but unfortunatley my computer equipment was struck by ligthening and zap I'm out of biz. But I might get a setlement from the insurance company so that may help.

It is hard though b/c I find myself being really clingy to mentors and i try to break myself of that behavior but it is sooooo hard. I think deep down inside i feel really insecure with out knowing the future of my biz and struggling with the physical stuff. I have ADHD and am sooooooo impulsive. I get all hyper about something then i realize what I said and I kick myself for it b/c I can't deliver on what i just said.

I think i get hyper to hide my insecurity. I just don't have a lot of confidence in myself when it comes down to it. I guess that is a normal thing but I'm not sure. I should ,know since i was a psychology major but i don't.

the flex schedule is great but I find it difficult to keep up sometimes b/c i never know what my day holds for me and though i love change it gets overwhelming sometimes. I am so energetic and so bouncy that I sometimes let myself get carried away.

I guess I'll ask for some feedback from my employer (who is also mentoring me) about the way I've been handling things lately from a biz perspecitve. Maybe it isn't as bad as it seems or maybe it is worse I don't know?

I know i can do things, but I want to run and hide under the covers and not come out b/c that feels safer most of the time. I don't hide under the covers but i do hide behind big lofty ideas that sound great but are just a smoke screen for my own insecurity. my impuslivty gets me into more trouble than anything else!!!

Does anyone else out there sturggle with anxiety? Or am i just wierd? (if there is such a thing as "wierd" in this forum) <a fact that I'm grateful for by the way>. I guess that insecurity is just part of who I am but I sure do wish i could overcome it.

I play the part of happy go lucky all day long but in side i feel overwhelmed and scared of life's many challenges. has any one else out there felt this way? I doubt I'm the only one.

I don't have MS but I have learned to relate to ya'll in a special way, you guys are my friends and I appreicate that friendship.

What do you do when you feel so anxious like I'm feeling right now? I mean I guess I have reason to feel anxioius, my biz that I have worked so hard on for the past 9 months has taken a nose dive and I'm trying to nurse it back to health, (thanks to the ligthening strike). and I work really insanely long days, so I'm not getting enough sleep.

I wonder why I'm so addicted to work? hmmmm, good question there.

It will be interesting to see if I get any answers to this ramblings and what those answers will be.

Thanks for listening,

Bobcat