[Blessings2You]

I'm looking for some insight from couples who've had to adjust to each other after one or both retired.

I'm fixin' to retire in a few days, and I'm guessing it won't be an entirely smooth transition, partly just because my emotions are so off the wall(s) about it.

But also because Bob retired thirteen years ago, and he's had the house to himself all those years, set up his own routine (Bob LOVES his routine ) and, like most couples, we have different perspectives on things. Such as heat, light, and noise.

I don't want to "pull rank" and say "OK, now I'm home and we're going to do things MY way." But neither do I want to sit in the dark with my teeth chattering, being quiet all the time. I'm exaggerating somewhat to make my point.

Don't get me wrong. I love Bob with all my heart, and he loves me. His lifestyle choice, however, is keeping the thermostat low, the "unnecessary" lights off (read: all of them), and thinking his thoughts.

My lifestyle choice is having every light in the house on (what is this, Bob, a CAVE?), having the temperature at least above freezing, and blabbing every thought that goes through my mind. These are just a few of our "opposites attract" characteristics.

Neither of us adapts really well to big changes, so this ought to be interesting. The biggest pitfall I can foresee is the apology loop. I go yapping on and on until his eyes glaze over, then I apologize, then he says "You don't need to apologize!" then I apologize for apologizing....aaaaargh.

What are your experiences with re-adjusting when suddenly you are both home? I know we'll have to compromise, and we certainly will, but I'd like to hear your stories.

[dmplaura]

Originally Posted by Blessings2You

I'm fixin' to retire in a few days

I'm light years away from retirement, so I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, but definitely a huge congratulations goes out to you

[kicker]

I do admit, sometimes weekends feel long with DH, DD, and DS all home - all needing something from me. I am home 8 years now, our house has doors between rooms, I close to create warmth in Family room, he opens for air circulation, so I shut them, he opens them, etc.. We differ. I say leave Bob to his routine, establish yours, maybe time from x to x together. We set rules - once a month out to eat (lunch or dinner, I don't care) but no kids and somewhere I want to go - no BK or MacDonalds. Somewhere nice. Bet it's tough at first, but you'll both get the rhythm.

[Jomar]

Just in general, I think having some sort of hobby or activities to do is a good thing.

About the lights & heating...
can you have a room set up as your domain to your preferences?
with a small heater if needed and energy saving light bulbs?

[weegot5kiz]

Honestly i told Deb get a job dont you believe it lol

Debbie and I get along rather well, we talk about a lot of stuff, play games together on pc and watch educational shows and argue lol, separate rooms helps too kidding on separate rooms, pretty sure communication will be a major key in success on this transition also, BTY

[AZjanie]

I love being retired!

It was forced because of medical but no matter. I don't get paid to be nice any more so it's an option now!

DH was retired for two weeks and couldn't stand it so he found a job working 8:00 am to noon Monday through Friday at a car rental agency.

It is perfect as he comes home with news, gossip every day and I have time to finish housework and errands while he is at work.

The extra money is fun money so we can go on trips etc. so works out great!

We have lunch and the afternoons free to do as we please. Another plus is his boss understands DH needs to spend time with me so he can get days off when he pleases.

[karousel]

Although my DH didn't retire, he's been home during the day a lot more with his crazy work hours. I am an early riser, get up and get going. I like to exercise and do my shopping in the morning. In the afternoon I start to get tired and want to relax. My DH is the complete opposite. He likes to sleep in and it takes a while for him to get moving because he has a lot of back pain in the morning. I like the house bright with the curtains wide open. He likes it dark and all the curtains closed.

It took us a while to get into sync with each other, and it has worked out for the most part because we both compromise. We do tend to do our own thing most mornings; and if he sleeps in, I still do what I need to do. While I respect his sleeping in in the morning and try to keep quiet, he will try to get up early enough for us to do things together in the morning.

[SallyC]

My DH had his own business and I did all the accounting, so we worked together and retired together. I retired, he sorta retired, but keep on doing things to stay busy.

He liked to go to the American Legend Post a lot. Sometimes I went, but he went every day.. He always brought me home something good to eat and was always here when I needed him. I loved when he went to the AL...I liked my alone time.

I miss him like crazy, we had a bunch of fun together, in our later years.

Good luck BTU.

[TwoKidsTwoCats]

We recently had a trial run of retirement. DH retired from active duty military service in May 08. He wanted to take some time off before pursuing another career.

Now I have not worked outside the home in 27 years, so I've been home alone or with one of the kids all that time. SO I really was set in my routines. What we found worked for us, was having separate zones to call our own.

I have an office/craft/sewing/day bed room and he has his library/office/game/TV room....a man cave we call it! I can nap as needed, he can work on projects or goof off as he likes. We usually cooked lunch together, unless we went out to eat. He took on household chores that he saw me struggle with (I hadn't told him before). We planned out projects together in advance and that way we each knew how to plan our days.

He recently went back to work and I miss not having him around all day.

B2Y, you and DH will find what works best for you guys.

[SandyC]

I've been through this one twice. Once when Jim got out of the military and then when I retired to take care of him fulltime. What an adjustment! It wasn't hard, but it was trying to get used to not having my "own" time. But in the long run, I've never been happier and he says the same thing. Retirement brought us closer than ever, no pun intended. I've learned to like things he likes that I thought I hated and visa versa.

Just give it time and yes you'll go through the apology stage but not for long. He'll especially need adjusting since he's used to having the house to himself.