I am probably one of the most Christmasy people I know. I love the Christmas season. I love scouring websites trying to get ideas for peoples gifts. I love trying to figure out just the perfect gift.

Then there is the joy of going to the store and finding that perfect gift.
I get such a charge out of it.
I love wrapping gifts. I love putting up the tree.

Then when the big day comes, I love watching the person open that gift. I love my nieces reactions when they open the gifts.

This year I'm a scrooge. Total ba humbug.

When I was growing up we stayed home for Christmas. I can remember the excitement of opening gifts. Then playing with toys, while my mom made breakfast. Then suddenly there was the smell of Turkey and dressing cooking.
It was such a great time.

Since my children were babies, we have gone to my parents house and the inlaws for every holiday. We never spend any holidays at home.
I wanted to start having Thanksgiving and Christmas at home about 15 yrs ago. My husband didn't want too. He said we would have time after our parents were gone.

Last year, I dearly wanted to spend the holiday at home. I begged, I pleaded, I cried, got angry. NOPE. My husband told me that he was going to his parents with our without me. Still saying we would have time after our parents are gone. I understand that, I do. STILL, it makes me sad.

I was talking about it with my nephew a few weeks ago. Then with my sis in law later on the next day.
Later, my daughter wanted to know what I meant by wanting to start our own traditions. I explained that when her brother got married, he would not think of Christmas as "home"

Her response was "I don't understand. Christmas is being at Mammaw's house" (she proved my point)

My daughter will always be with us, but when my son gets married I doubt he will ever come home for Christmas. We have never had Christmas here. I'm sure he will start his own traditions, but doubt it will be spending time here.

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone. I just feel like we have missed out. Now my daughter gets upset any time I mention having Christmas at home. It just wouldn't be Christmas.

My hubby knows how I feel. My hubby says he thinks it is that we both want what we had growing up. He always went to his grandparents house. I always stayed home.

Basically I understand it's not "where" but with "who", but it still hurts.
I imagine what it would be like to be home. Which is making it worse.

So no matter how hard I try, I cannot get my normal CHRISTMAS CHEER.
My husband knows how bad I wanted lights on the house, so he bought them to put up this year. He was trying to make me feel better.
Yes, I'm glad we will have lights this year, but I'm still ba humbug.

I just want to get it over with. I have most of my shopping done. There is no thought into the gifts this year. I just want it done. My theory this year is shop fast and get it all done. Then I don't have to bother with the rest till Christmas day. (I know, I'm a scrooge)

Sorry for writing this BOOK. I refuse to talk about it to anyone anymore. My hubby and daughter know how I feel. It only hurts my daughter when I talk about it. She thinks I'm trying to ruin Christmas. So I guess I just unloaded on you guys.


DAY

I understand totally. I have to have Christmas at my MIL's every other year and it blows. They have had a Christams Eve party for at least 25 years. It's a pot luck and the same people bring the same dish they did 25 years ago. It is kind of sad, I think people come because it's a tradition but they don't necessarily like each other any more, the children don't want to be there, and it is a bit uneasy.

Worst part is that Christmas day we open presents and then get bored - they don't have a Christmas dinner or nice breakfast- nothing. My BIL's partner and I did cook Christmas dinner once but the matriarch was not happy with us and actually sabotoged our efforts to a degree.

I think tradition is nice, but sometimes it runs it's course and needs to be altered or reinvented or just plain ended. This year I informed my partner that I am going to volunteer somewhere Christmas day, he thought his family would like that - I told him they aren't invited. I was mad, I'll probably take that back and maybe start a new tradition with them. Sounds like your hubby is being a bit stubborn. Can you compromise and start a new tradition - Can't your in-laws and parents come to your house? Your MIL can still cook the family recipes or whatever, or can you start doing Christmas at their place on Christmas eve and Christmas at your place or vice versa? I'm sure you already thought of all that.

Sorry you're feeling Scroogie.

Can you have some Christmas Eve or Christmas night traditions? How about Advent? It's not too late to start, even if it's not on "the" day!!

I'd like to add some more:

When my kids were small, we HAD to go to my ex-husband's parents. It was a given. No negotiating allowed.

So I decided to start our own traditions in ADDITION to dinner and warp speed gift-unwrapping with his family. Every day, starting ten days before Christmas, my kids would each get an "Advent present." Sometimes it was a cassette (hey, it was a long time ago), sometimes just a pencil or a candy bar. The rule was, they had to wait until BOTH of them were home and open them together.

We had our Christmas Eve tradition. My husband's grandmother came and spent the night, and we all walked over to the Candlelight Service together. Then Grammy Bea and the kids would squeeze all the presents, trying to guess what was in them.

We had Christmas morning, and Christmas night traditions, too.

Funny thing. Now that the "children" are 36 and 38, they never say "Remember dinner at Grammy S.'s house?" They say, "Remember Advent presents? Remember going to the Candlelight service? Remember Grammy Bea squeezing the presents?"

They remember OUR traditions. Think about it.

We had traditions growing up.

For my first few Christmas' that I can remember, we would open presents on Christmas eve at home, and the next day we'd go to my grandmother's house.

My sister and I didnt like opening presents on Christmas eve around the time we were four or five years old. So we switched to opening presents on Christmas morning, and then leaving to go to grandma's in the afternoon.

Then, about 6 or 7 years ago, my grandmother was starting the slide into Alzheimers. We tried to keep doing presents at her house, but my aunt that lived with her didnt like people in "her" house. (it didnt become "her" house till AFTER grandma died)

So, my other aunt, that lives across the street tried it. But, another aunt (this is a 3rd person) and her husband got mad at my family because of a present my dad gave the uncle. (I'm guessing they didnt care of my dad's weird sense of humor...and I think they may have been prudes)

The last time we tried a holiday with my cousins was the last one I had with my grandmother. (xmas 2003) We were all having dinner across the street. My grandma was there. The aunt that was living with her finally got off work and showed up. For some reason she got mad, and grabbed my grandmother and took her home.

We have no idea why she got mad, or why she took grandma home. One of us would have driven her home...she could have stayed.

Grandma got the flu soon after, and started doing worse mentally. Later on in the spring, she'd fallen down at home (my aunt REFUSED to have anyone stay with my grandmother during the day...the whole, not wanting people in "her" house thing) Grandma had broken her leg between the hip and the knee.

Last time I saw grandma was Mother's Day 2004. She remembered me that day, but not anyone else. (she taught me to crochet and I had brought her a doll I made for her. She remembered me because she recognized that we both crocheted)

She died a few weeks later, a day or two before my birthday.

We've done Christmas at home, just me and my parents since then, and we've had some of the best, no-drama, calm, happy Christmas' since then. No relatives going off because they were "offended" by a gift, or relatives yelling at my sibling because they didnt agree with her way of thinking. (my sibling can be a bit outspoken)

and, my mom, seems to be calmer and more relaxed at home. She doesnt like Christmas much, but now that we dont go to my dad's mom's anymore, she doesnt scream so much. (we never did celebrate any holidays with her parents...I think she wishes we had...and I can agree with her to an extent)

I cant really get into the Christmas spirit this year either. I dont know if I'm just tired from MS stuff, or if I'm just bored because I cant think of anything to buy my parents this year, and I dont have any suggestions for stuff for them to get for me. I dont think I'm depressed about it...just kind of apathetic about it.

Last year there was a mass shooting at the mall (december 4th)...If it had happened another half hour later in the day, my mom and I would have been in the store where it happened. I kind of think that buying presents isnt the most important thing about Christmas anymore. Presents are good, always good, but just the mad dash to go get them is no longer fun like it was.

I got my tree up this year, but have yet to put anything on it. I got the lights out for putting up in the yard, but just am too big of a wuss to go out into the cold to toss them over the bushes. I think I'm just lazy this year.

I totally understand what you're saying with traditions and wanting to have your kids involved in YOUR tradition.

Every year when I was little my grandparents would come to my house. We'd go to a Christmas Eve candlelight church service and on Christmas morning we'd open presents AFTER we ate breakfast together. Then we'd have a big dinner for which we would get dressed up.

When my H and I bought our house, my mom dumped the holidays on me even though I didn't have a dining room. I started having my grandmother spend the time at my house (my grandfather had died) and we would do the same thing--only difference was Santa would leave a present on the end of my kids bed every year so that they knew he had been there when they got up. Then my BIL started having a Christmas Eve get together, so we went to his place for that. It was fun.

My daughter now claims that we never did anything on Christmas. It's sad. I feel like now there was nothing memorable about our holiday. It's all messed up now because my daughter's two kids go to their dad's place in the afternoon so all we do is open presents in the morning and then I go off to my friend's place to spend the afternoon with them and eat a traditional meal. I enjoy doing that, but it's just not the same. And I miss the traditions.

For your kids, their memories and traditions ARE going to be going to their grandparent's house. But there's no reason not to start your own tradition--even if it's not on Christmas day. I realize that it's not exactly the same, but you need to be creative to make it work for you and your family with the least amount of stress for everyone (especially you). Befriend your DIL when your DS gets married and make her part of your tradition--whatever it is.

I'm not feeling very "Rah Christmas" either and haven't for the last few years. I just want to get it over with too every year and don't want to put up a tree or anything. I miss the being together part of it and that and all the trimmings are what goes with Christmas. It isn't ABOUT stress. Ugh...

So yeah, I hear you. And I'm so sorry that you feel that way too. Hope you work it out and you end up getting some of that Christmas spirit back. (and it doesn't help that the merchants start with the Christmas carols now after Halloween!)

I understand too. I finally lucked out and arranged for the annual Christmas party be at my house every year. Two things happened to accomplish this. One, we had a fight with Jim's brother who's an alcoholic and violent so that took care of the annual MIL's house for xmas. Two, Jim mentioned in passing to my family how difficult it is for him to get out with the cold and snow and how his ms hurts when he's in the cold too long. They immediately made the rule that xmas is at our house for Jim. I love my family because they get it. Too bad his didn't.

Maybe you could mention how much easier it would be on you to hold the annual xmas party at your house and how you'd need your MIL's help, etc. Make them feel like a part of the whole thing.

If that doesn't work, start your own tradition on the eve or day after or night as mentioned earlier. The simple traditions seem to stick with my kids. For example, every year on their birthday, since they were wee ones, I've wrote happy birthday in my lipstick on their bathroom mirror. They are December babies so this kicks off the start of the Christmas season for them. They still look forward to that tradition even if it's silly. lol

Hmmm... wonder what would have happened if you BOTH had parents with the same tradition . . . My ex used to pick a fight with me every Xmas Eve that it was "my" family's turn, then he had an excuse not to come. He was selfish like that.

Your in-laws must be getting on in age, and one or the other isn't likely to be around or capable of hosting the festivities for much longer. Besides, if the "family" tradition is to have Xmas at the grandparents, then your turn has to be coming.

In the meantime, park your behind on the couch for the entire day . . . and maybe they won't offer to do it next year.

Cherie

Thanks everyone for the suggestions.

I have several times mentioned having the get together at my house, but my father in law got mad.

Last year I had mentioned it but my SIL told me that her mom said she was just going to do like always. The day after thanksgiving she was telling visiting family that to her the holidays meant staying home with your family.
lol I said "EXACTLY". I got a dirty look.

I had told my SIL again this year that I wanted to stay home.
A couple of days later while I was talking with my MIL, she suddenly said "I know it's hard on you all to go to your parents and then our house every year. I remember when our kids were little and we had to go all over the place. We would be so exhausted. I know it's hard."
Then she said "I do appreciate you making the effort."

I know my SIL must have told her how I felt.

We did try to do our own dinner one year. We did it the day after thanksgiving. It was good, but by the time we were finished, it was like TURKEY OVERLOAD. At Christmas, we decided that we couldn't do another big meal two days in a row.

For the last 4 yrs, I haven't gone to my Mom's due to a family feud.
This year will be the first Christmas there in 4 yrs. We are going to my family first. Then we will be at my Inlaws around 2pm.

I just got off the phone with my ex-SIL. Her son and his wife, just had a baby. She said her DIL is thinking of making dinner and having the grandparents over to their house. My SIL was fine with that. I'm so proud of her for being open to having things at her son's house. She feels like I do. She feels that they need to have their own family traditions.

I've often thought about doing a Christmas Eve get together here at my house, but it will make it so hard on everyone. Plus the way my son is working(graveyard shift) it makes it hard for him to even go to the Christmas dinners. For thanksgiving he only went to my mom's house for dinner. He had to come home to sleep because he had to work.

I don't know. I will keep thinking. Maybe we can come up with something.
I do know that when my son does move away and gets married, we will let them decide what they would like.

I guess I just want the perfect Christmas. We all know there isn't one of them.


DAY

I understand what you're saying, too.

My family lives 1200 miles away. My husband's family is 15 miles away.

For the first 5 years we were married, we alternated Christmases, and spent one with my family, one with his.

Then, after we started having kids, it was me who said -- no more Christmas with my family in Canada. Don't want to travel with kids that time of year, because of weather, and . . . I want to have our own traditions.

My husband's family usually gets together late afternoon and evening on Christmas day, so we have Christmas morning +, to do our own thing.

Some of our traditions include a Christmas morning brunch, with china, and a birthday party for Jesus, even though our "kids" are now 17 and 19.

I always said that, once or twice during the kids growing up years, I wanted to "home" for Christmas. And, we did that twice. I regret that we did not do that prior to losing my mom to cancer, so my kids never got to spend a Christmas with her. She would've loved it. But, that was something we couldn't have anticipated.

~ Faith