-Yes I have been AWOL and heart broken-I found it tough to hear all the awful stories that mine mirrored---I have just today went full circle---With my Constant Chronic pain---I had hope there was a surgery to help---Hopes were inflated by a Iraq war surgeon---To be popped like a balloon by his associate---And the first words of explanation of (what-where -why) the pain---The knowledgeable surgeon says MS---

I dropped outta sight Because I was angry and could not deal------ Now I have been on Pain meds on and off---My pain has become intolerable---At least to me----

If this is not enough--Before any of this happened---I was disabled due to an at work injury----At the Sheriff's Dept--

I'm wicked depressed---Can't see me making it thru this---Nothing really works on the pain----And I really want the old me back---Athletic--Up beat--Strong--Happy-----Co-incidence has me living across the street from a 100 year old women--God Bless her----She lives and moves with such ease compared to me-----I have become an angry shut in----The vertigo keeps me out of the car----The weakness and pain keeps me from walking alone---Now the ice and snow really have me in---

Honestly I do not see me making it out of this-------I am sorry I took of on you folks and was terrible with my support-------I guess I just can't deal------Was hoping the pain at LEAST would go away---But its been 2 years---only got worse----So as they said 60 years ago--Rock and Roll was here to stay---I guess the same can be said of my pain-------

I will stop my complaining---I am so sorry I cried and ran before------I really got what I deserved I guess---

What a yicky way to start Christmas Eve with such high hopes only to see them smashed before your eyes----Oh well

If you Can have a Nice Holiday--------If you remember me--I really would be touched-----

Pete...

Pete

Pete, I am SO very sorry that you are going through all of this and really hope and pray that things get better for you soon . I am keeping you in my thoughts and if you ever need anyone to talk to, please know I am here.

I know that words wont help you that much but I just wanted to let you know that I DO understand what you are going through. I don't have MS but have a similar neurological, chronic pain condition which I developed when I was 12 years old (I am now 13). I have felt many times like giving up and often feel like life isn't worth living but honestly, It IS and things WILL get better ... it might take time but you WILL get there!

One of the things that really helps me when I am feeling down is thinking about people that are so much worse than me, the people that can't walk and are bed bound, can't eat or talk etc etc - it makes me realise that things could always be so much worse and that I am a lot better than others in some things.

Have you spoken to a doctor about how you feel? They might be able to offer you some help and support you. I have seen 2 psychologists and the first one I didn't really like as he wouldn't understand at all and didn't address my issues but my current Psychologist is great and explains things really well. She has helped me with so many things and as even made me want to become a psychologist when I am older so I can try and help other people!!

Please know that we are all here for you and whenever you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, we will be here and we DO understand what you are going through!!!

Take care of yourself and I hope you have a great Christmas and am wishing you all the best for 2009!

Love,
Alison.

Yes Pete, we remember you

We hate that you are in pain and crabby(with good reason) but we
are here to hold your hand..

I hope that this year is better.....hopefully it will remit!!!!!

Dont be a stranger....even when you are down...you never know, someone
here might say just the right thing.

pete,

i am so sorry and so touched by all you're going thru.
can you reach out to your pcp about your depression caused by the pain.
i too am in pain everyday and can relate a bit.

it saps your energy.
i'm sending prayers your way. try to get thru one day at a time.
please stay with us and post everyday so we know how you are.
i care about you pete.

God bless you.

Yesterday the traffic in the North East was horrible---so I was a passenger in picking up my kids---Whom I barely see now---The Ex took the precise time when I was at my weakest to move to the far end of the state---Any how--I rarely see them---I was cramped in the car so long---I just moaned and weeped last night in pain---The shock of today--Lack of sleep from last night--The residue pain just made My Christmas Eve an Impossibility without me dropping or being a terror---

Add My emotional state--The noise--Which still gets me so confused--The heat--Multiple simulations and I am outta my mind-----So The Family is at the Grand Parents And I am with my dog at home---

I am Glad you understand--And very humbled by Ali12--------


That is what I don't get--I put people in jail---Had hand to and combat to save my life more than once---Maybe more than a half dozen times---Could lift -run for miles------Now I am this feeble thing-----Don't understand and I can not accept--------Now I find Ali , God Bless you----You can deal so much better than I----And I had my go around in life-----Sigh----

I think---I am frustrated--scared----Maybe most of all Embarrassed... Does that sound correct?----I loathe to watch tv----I watch and get Jealous-----

And Why do they Not know what and where and why of my pain?--There are so many things this guy just can't comprehend-------

Sorry bout the xmas Eve rant----

I am sorry for your pain. Never give up the fight though, because you will find your way through it all. Chronic pain just sucks the will out of you. I totally understand because I have lived with chronic pain for the past 9 years.

In the beginning, it was unbearable and no doctor could come up with a solution for me. I finally came to realize that I had to be my own best advocate and dumped all those doctors who kept telling me there was nothing that could be done. MS was the culprit. I went through doctors like water until I formed a team of specialists who were willing to try whatever it took to ease the worst of it. I was a lunatic crawling the web looking for answers, ideas and anything that might have some effect.

Today I have a great team of doctors. I am doing traditional tx along with non-traditional and non FDA approved therapies. Along with many other alternative modalities such as energy work, yoga, LDN and a lot of counseling, I now have a busy, full and active life. I still have pain, but the color of it and the intensity is greatly improved. I believe you can get there as well.

Dealing with your depression (which is TOTALLY understandable) is the first step. Depression only intensifies your pain and immobilizes you. Please seek counseling if you haven't already. Look in your area for a therapist who does energy work along with traditional counseling. I believe this therapist could help you immensely.

Hang in there and know that healing thoughts are heading your way. Snuggle in with a good movie like "Christmas Vacation" or "Trains, Planes and Automobiles", that will make you laugh..... and above all else, try to have a Merry Christmas dispite it all.

Carolyn

(((((((((((((Pete)))))))))))))):circle love:

I hear you, Pete. Yes, isn't Ali something..

Heya Pete!

I'm glad you posted so I could get to know you.

I'll give you another gentle one of these...