I normally listen to everyone else, and as a nurse, alot of folks head in my direction when they dont feel well. Its like because I am the fixer, I am not supposed to whine.

My DH used to try to be a fixer. If you brought it up, he took it personally as his mission in life to fix it. After 22 years, I have him trained to NOT fix it. Just listen. I have promised him when i need/want it fixed, I will ask for it to be fixed. If I dont ask, it means i am just venting, or need to let it out. it took a few years for him to get the hang of it, but he is much better now. He can even be comforting. I say "gee, Im really sore today, and frustrated. I just dont feel good." and he will give me a hug and tell me I have been doing too much for others. Why not go take a long bath, and maybe watch a video or something. He promises to tell anyone who calls that I am napping, and will call them later. :hug: dontcha love that?


It may help for you to allow the person who is interupting you to have a few moments to whine, and get their part of the story in, then follow up with a "I know you too are having a bad day, but boy oh boy, I could really use someone to listen to me. can I talk to you?" and "MOST" will take the hint, and step up to the plate. You will find that there are others who will jump in with a "yeah, I could use someone to listen to me too." attitude. if so, seek higher ground.

I also come here. You guys just get it. I dont have to explain it, or retell it in baby language. I dont have to pretend its ok. I can just kick and scream and have my fit, and not be judged.

Start a thread, tell us whats on your mind. we are all ears.

I either come here for my MS stuff or to my oldest daughter. If I talk to my Mom or sister they try to read to much into it. My sister will half way listen and then do whatever possible to turn the converstion over to her many, many, many ailments. My Mom just worries then she gets mad at me when she finds out I haven't felt well and didn't confide in her. If I talk to my husband I never know if he is listening or I am being tuned out.

OMG HOW TRUE IS THIS! I keep my aches and pains and feeling crappy to myself for just this reason. It almost seems like a contest , you feel lousy but I feel worse. I don't even share how I feel with my partner because she tends to be overly protective.

When I am having a bad day, I usually go and talk to my mum or come on here to vent. My mum is the only member of my family that really understands what I am going through as she has been with me through the good and bad times. I'm really lucky to have her - I honestly don't know what I would do without her at times!!

It is SO nice to have people on here to come and talk to though who can relate!! I don't think anyone will truly understand what we go through on a daily basis unless they go through it themselves. Everyone here is so nice and friendly and have really helped me a lot!!!

I understand what you are saying about people turning the situation back to them when you tell them how you are feeling. I have a lot of 'friends' and family members who are like that. One of my aunties is really bad - she is the sort of person that if you have cold, she has pneumonia and is alway complaining about how bad she feels!!!!

I'm not really one to talk to people when i'm not feeling well - I just choose to keep things inside me sometimes until I explode. I am better than I was though and now realise that I need to open up so that people know how I truly feel. I guess I just feel like a complainer sometimes if I moan (as i'm sure you all do too!!)!

Interesting topic - thanks for sharing!

I get that too from my dh - I think a lot of men are like that. I had to remind myself to say what I wanted, why I was telling him my troubles, so he knew what I wanted from him.

"What would you do?" "How should I handle this?" Are his clues that I want advice, and if I need a neck rub or a cup of tea, I know how to ask.

Sometimes I'll just come out and say, "I feel crummy, mind if I whine?"

:o

You guys still get it better than anyone. But if all else fails - if I'm in a mood, and don't wanna talk to people - my dogs are really a great comfort. You can tell them anything, they'll snuggle all day, and they never repeat what you say or talk about ya behind your back.

Welcome to NT! I don't think I have had to the chance to say that either.

this is a wonderful place to let it all out - no one judges here and you can say what you want! A great supportive place to come and vent if you need too...

I have to vouch for AMN on this one - she has been a blessing to me over the last year - she is one of the best listeners I have ever met!

Good Luck and please remember we are all here for you when you need it!

i have some good friends i can talk to and value them dearly.
i also try to be a good listener. people like to talk about themselves.

journaling can be very therapeutic.
i see a therapist and it really helps to talk to a professional. he listens to me vent and is able to redirect my thinking in a positive way.

and, of course all my friends here are the greatest when it comes to understanding all things MS and otherwise.

just chime in and you'll get to know people, and they you. :)

me too Kel....noone really understands here at home.....Im glad I have you guys:hug: