[Kitty]

One of my friends (and I use that term loosely) did me a "favor" as she put it.

She asked me if I'd go out with a friend of her boyfriend's. Only problem with this is......she told him I'd go before checking with me!!

Now this friend of mine has been with the same boyfriend for over 20 years. They've never married but they may as well be. I don't know why they haven't.....but it's working like it is now so I guess they figure why fix what's not broken.

Anyway, back to this "favor". I'm sure this man is very nice. She wouldn't fix me up with anyone who didn't pass her rigorous Quality Control checklist. Oh, and she said she told him about my "issue" and he said not to worry. "Issue"??? Is that what it's called now?

What is making me so fuming mad is that she basically set this whole thing up before asking me if I wanted to participate. And I don't!

I'm not "man-bashing" here but I just don't have the emotional energy to attempt this again. I've been let down one too many times and I just don't want to go through it again. My wall is up. I don't think anything can knock it down at this point. Whatever does will be a powerful force that has some divine intervention attached.

She cannot understand why I'm not excited about this. She is convinced that I'll feel better if I just "get out more" as she puts it. I've tried to explain things to her but it's like talking to a brick wall. She asked me "what am I supposed to tell him now?". I suggested the truth.

Any suggestions for me? I know she means well but she is about as far removed from my reality as it gets. She has no clue what my life is like now. Deep down I know her intentions are good. She just goes about things the wrong way.

I have a knot in my stomach now and it's making me mad that other people can have this kind of effect on me. I know I don't have to do anything I don't want to. How can she make me feel so guilty about something I had no part in??

I think I need to change my phone number..........

[Blessings2You]

You probably feel guilty (not that you should) because you truly believe she is well-intentioned.

One of my wise old friends has a saying: "God bless well-meaning people. And God **** well-meaning people." I know what she means.

Can you contact the guy yourself? Give him the "Look, it's nothing personal, my friend means well, blah blah blah" speech?

[Dejibo]

NOT FAIR!

Tell your friend your "issue" is acting up, and requiring that you be given PRIOR warning before being commited to actions of any kind.

Its nice to get out and meet new people, but not if you feel forced, or insulted into it. The tone will be set all wrong. Tell your friend that your "issue" requires that YOU be in charge of YOUR schedule, and you cannot allow others to make such plans for you.

I hope you are able to tell her how you feel.

[Kitty]

I've calmed down a bit since writing that post. I'm still mad, though.

You have to know this girl in order to really understand what I mean about how she is. She's one of those people who you know means well but whenever they try to be "helpful" it always comes out wrong.

She had the most dramatic reaction of anyone (even me) when I got my dx. You'd have thought they told me I was going to grow a third arm. I ended up consoling her.

I'm still trying to decide how to gracefully decline this invitation.

[Twinkletoes]

I don't blame you for being upset.

Why must you be "graceful" when declining this "invitation?"

[Blessings2You]

Because she's classy

[Twinkletoes]

Originally Posted by Blessings2You

Because she's classy

Hmmmm, I guess so. I must not be all that classy, cuz my first reaction is to just tell her (with my arms crossed and a big frowny face) "No!"

[SandyC]

Kitty, tell her you are not comfortable about the whole thing and that meeting a man was the last thing from your mind. "Getting out" doesn't have to be with a man, sheesh, why do friends think this all the time?

If she's so darn inclined to get you to meet this man, ask her to throw a bbq or somethig casual and go see what all the hype is about. That way your not alone with him, your not pressured and Lord knows, you made her happy. LOL

I can see why your ticked off for sure but you know her more than we do. Forgive her and then slap her for causing so much trouble. hahaha

[Aarcyn]

Gosh Kitty.

This is like a Brain Teaser where I am stymied on a solution.

It is a conundrum in that you do not want to hurt TWO people's feelings

and yet...

You should have been consulted. You do not want to go out with this guy.

You are looking out for you, which is amazing.

When I can't figure out a good solution, I use big words.

I do like the idea that your issue trumps doing what you do not want to do.

[hollym]

Would you feel better if you said no, or would you feel better if you just went out for a small casual meet up - say for coffee? Put all the other issues that made you mad aside and figure out what would get rid of the knot in your stomach.

Would the knot in your stomach still be there if you said no - would you feel like you were potentially hurting some innocent guy's feelings? If not and if that would make the knot go away, then do that. If it wouldn't be a big deal just to meet the guy and that would make the knot go away, then do that.

If it were me, I would have a hard time saying no (I always do) and it would make me feel more guilty even if it shouldn't. I would probably feel better just playing along, but on my terms (i.e. meeting for a cup of coffee - not dinner and a movie). Then, explaining to my friend that I did meet him, but please don't EVER set me up again.

I'm sure I'm not explaining this really well. I'm super tired and spent too much time in the heat / sun today, so my brain is truly fried. I'm just trying to see what part is really the most bothersome to you (whether it is about meeting the guy or how your friend did it). I am certainly not advocating you to go out with this guy if you are set against it.

I don't like how your friend backed you into a corner about this, though, and I would certainly set her straight on that.