Momz- My daughter was cutting herself at the peak of her frustration. she hit a major wall in 7th grade. It was a very difficult time for us. What about a full psychoeducational work-up, i assume you have had one of those? And she should clearly have an IEP at whatever school she is attending. If you find a supportive therapist/psychologist they can attend those IEP plannign meetings with you and help make smart goals and accomodations to help your daughter.

have you ever visited this internet site? It is a great resource for dealing with schools.

http://www.wrightslaw.com/

It sounds like you aren't really this far yet, and you'll need to do some hard thinking to figure out what the next step is, but bookmark it so that you can look through when the time comes.

Will your ex be firm with her and give her good supervision? Even if not, a change of scenery might be good for her. Can she stay there for a while, like until you get through your surgery? Even if not, or if the supervision isn't quite what you would prefer...maybe it is a good thing. I think often we fight and fight and fight for our kids, but they have so much that needs to be worked out on their own. It is a horrible struggle on the part of the parents to decide when is the right time to let them fail...especially when the stakes are high. Like I mentioned...a good reality check like getting caught by the authorities doing something illegal and booked for it can be a great learning experience. Having to spend a night in a holding cell 'cause mom isn't available to bail you out....might make her think twice the next time.

I had a friend who had to put her oldest daughter in a custodial rehab school, and it was a very tough decision for the whole family. She was gone for about two years. Her sisters missed her, mom and dad missed her, and for the first few months they didn't even get to talk to eachother. It was 6 months before they could visit. The cost was about like two years of college. However, it was worth it. The daughter is home now attending community college as a changed person. The family is happy, would do the same thing again in a heartbeat, I think.

As a smaller measure in teh same direction, maybe you could send her off to one of those outdoor programs for at risk teens for the summer. Nothing like a little hard work surviving in the woods to put the rest of your life in perspective.

Besides getting your daughter in therapy, get yourself some, OK? This is an incredible hardship to deal with. It will tax your mental capacities to the limits without the complications of TOS. With it, yes, your mind probably feels like it is going to explode into about 3 million pieces off into the univers (and sometimes you wish it would and that the pieces would not come back!!!) Finding someone who can help you work through the options, see what is your emotion and what is real, identify your needs and your daughters needs...these are really important things that we can't always do alone.




wishing the best for you...Johanna

I'm so sorry to read about your struggles with your daughter. Just remember that you're not alone. My son has given us grief since 7th grade. He was a cutter for about a year, he was suicidal, depressed... Was arrested for smoking pot and for trespassing... He's 19 now and still on his own roller coaster, but he may be finally going towards the light. He's in counseling for drug addiction (marijuana).

His dad (my ex) and I saw a counselor last week who said just keep the pressure on with the rules and punishments. (I've gotten really close to just kicking him out of the house.) She said she doesn't believe kids should be kicked out unless they become a danger to others in the home - either psychologically or economically (stealing from family members).

TODAY I SAY>>>GOPACKERS

Today I've hit my movement limit, can no longer use arms / legs again for today. So, off to bed. Pain is sky high also.

I will read and hopefully respond to others' posts soon, I miss you all and pray for you.

For all of those with child problems right now, I had two teens who were very adversely affected by my illness...it took a huge toll on their lives. Try to keep the family together, with love, and understanding of how scary it is to have a parent so ill. Some react by withdrawing, others anger, others drugs or love interests, and more...they are all reacting, so try to talk it out.

Also, about the kids, if you are single parent, imagine how frightening it is for the kids to wonder who will take care of them if we are totally disabled - as I am now?

Today I.... am frustrated. As you know I live here in the mountains of colorado. I love it and everyday I am thankful to live in such an amazingly beautiful place, which allows me to do all the sports that I love. However, as you can imagine, it gets pretty cold up here sometimes at nearly 10,000 feet in elevation. Never used to bother me much, just bundled up and dealt with it. Gotta take the good with the bad, right?

I have been snowboarding quite a bit and really enjoying it this winter, dont have to use my bumm arm and shoulder too much! Anyway, due to the lingering vascular issues I have, thanks to TOS, my right hand gets cold beyond belief. I mean really cold... I will be sitting on the chair lift and it gets cold, then it gets tingly, then goes numb, then throbs. Some of the worst pain I have ever felt. I was actually wimpering on the lift yesterday with my husband!

So, I had bought new expensive water proof and insulated snowboard gloves with fleece liners and I wear wool liners under that. Still, didnt help! Now i have to come up with a 'plan B".

This TOS thing really is p***ing me off! Like I have time for this!?! Geezzz...

Oh and Tshadow... I hope you are feeling better today!

And you're right - Its gotta be tough for kids to watch their parents be sick and suffer. It was tough for me to see my dad sick, when he had the heart attack just recently, and Im am 36 years old and a parent myself!

Also, to all parents, be very wary of the computer. Myspace is a menace. Two years ago I wrote Dr. Phil to try to warn parents. In one hour, kids can post the ugliest stuff about a child, and the entire school will know it, and will bully the kid the next day. Then, the "bad" kids erase their posts, and there's no proof of it. So bullying has reached a level that we never had to deal with. If and when you see your kid really depressed, it can often be something that is going on with the other kids that your child is not telling you. Bullying, gangs, school violence, it's a lot different and really scary, than when I was a kid, and even then, in the late 70's I went to a really violent school (we moved a lot in CA) and I can remember being scared to death every day of school.

I fully believe in counseling for the child to have, as Johanna says, another adult to confide in, talk to, etc. I have spent probably $20K on both kids in counseling fees...so much cash...but it wasn't covered by insurance, and I hope it helped them as they grew up into adults. I was divorced, so I felt the kids needed more than just me to turn to for advice and support. I happened to choose female counselors, and always waited by the door during counseling. I also say there is no reason to ever leave your child alone with an adult, subject to molestation. If you have a piano lesson, sit there and listen. If you have a counseling session, sit by the door and listen, if you have to go to the store, you take your kids with you...I don't think there is ever a time that my children were vulnerable for molestation, and thankfully, it never happened to them.

This is all off-topic of TOS, but also the TOS scared the heck out of my little one, and made my older one so angry, and both had problems dealing with it.

Heck, I still have problems dealing with my own TOS and loss of my life! I am scared sometimes by the level of pain, and then wondering HOW am I going to die - will I be a vegetable, will a doctor ever cut off the little help I do get from the meds, will I be cut off of Social Security or face homelessness when I can't even use my arm most days? So to imagine then how this affects the children is not too hard...they went from having "supermom", a hardworking, very safe mother, to having a mom who can't take care of herself at all, and a very dim and frightening financial future. I lost my beautiful home by the beach, which was their "home - home", even though they had grown up and moved on to their own places.

I have nothing but compassion for parents these days, but also high expectations of what it takes to be a good parent.

You're right Tam... It seems to me that MySpace's reputation is worse than Facebook. It amazes me how quickly things can spread thru those sites though. They kinda scare ME and i'm not a kid. I guess future employers have been looking at those sites when recruiting. Unreal.
This week I've been in insurance prelicensing class. 9hrs a day. I am wiped out, haven't been sleeping well, and have had to take alot of notes - I'm left handed, so writing is esp. hard. Oh well. i take my test on friday, so hopefully I pass....

Mark - GO G-MEN!!!!!

I hope all are well,,,

Just a quick How Green Bay All the way home field tempd going with Farvre and the Pack I suck with the ups and downs thinking about momz and her surgery to Tam hope all went well with the new doc and Barb sure nic sure nice seeing U around sorry to leave anyone out though ready for bed time... besides had a pump increase today hope all understand ...Mark~n~Goober