I know what you are going through each day. It seems like it has gotten worse for me instead of better. I must have came out of the shock that everyone says we go through at the beginning.

I see Bill outside in his teeshirt working in the yard at times, I thought he was standing over me in bed night before last. I can still remember how he laid in bed at night and how he was always throwing his arms or leg over me but then he'd say he knew he couldn't stay like that because it hurt me too much.

The last picture we took of him was 2 days before he died. He had gotten a deer and him and Susan were goofing around in the dining room and he put the antlers up to his head and she took a picture of him looking like a deer. The man had a sense of humor that never stopped.

I know exactly what you are going through. He would leave for an hour and he'd stop over at Susan's on the way home and call me to talk to me.

I worry about Susan because he called her 20 times a day. He would ask her what she was doing and she would say the same thing I was when you called 20 minutes ago.

He would pull jokes on the boys all of the time. I think that's why Devin is having the hardest time. He would get so mad and yell for me to make Grandpa leave him alone. He wouldn't leave them alone for a minute. It was like having 3 kids in the house. Travis would call over here and ask me if all three of the kids were behaving.

It's like we have so many little memories of our loved ones that are like a movie playing in our mind.

I kept wishing I could get well sooner so we could start doing more together. I knew we didn't have long after his last stay in the hospital. I just really worked hard the last year of making it good for him.

We just never know. I cry for you and De and I only hope that you start seeing better days. It takes time but I keep wondering how much. I can't even get out of bed of the morning anymore. He was my reason for getting up.

As far as support, it doesn't matter how much people try to support you, it doesn't do the job. I have my sisters and brothers calling me every other day, Susan and Travis check on me constantly, my best friends call me every day and there are days I can't even pick up the phone, I'm so depressed.

I am very thankful for those people in my life but it doesn't fill the void. I'm sorry that you don't have more support. If I lived near you I would be talking your ear off and maybe that would get us both through this.

My boys are here tonight and I have to fight back tears so as not to get them upset. I have pictures hanging everywhere of Bill for Devin. He asked me to put up more. it's nice but it's a reminder.

My prayers are with you and I hope and pray that God can get you through this.

All my love,
Ada

Oh Ada, you just brought me to tears. I am so sorry for your loss and Di's.

Many to you.

DiMarie,
Things are going to be hard for you for awhile- don't be hard on yourself through all of this. I don't think you can ever "get over" the loss of a loved one. Just hopefully it will eventually get a little easier. I can't know what you're going through but just the thought of something happening to my son is just unbearable. But, having a 3 yr. old grandson who is the light of our lives, just like I know yours is too, I think keeping him right now might be a really good thing- nothing like having someone around you who is so full of love and also who loves you and everyone else unconditionally. You may cry lots of tears while you have him but he will bring you happiness too- there's just something about those little guys that can make you feel better, even if it is only for awhile.

D,
You are on mind mind all the time.
I The only thing I can compare your loss to is
Last year when I was fighting for my life through chemo.
The grandkids kept me going...
They have a special nack of bringing out a smile.

It's ok to grieve
Everyone has their own way
And Di can gireve anyway she wills to, k?
We are all here for you in our hearts and spirit

Sent you something in the mail today
PMing you my # if you need someone to yell at, to cry with, to smile and tell me all the fabulous things De did in her life.
Cyndy

Sweetheart,

Will you adopt me?? Can I be your sister???
I wish I were closer so that I could be the sister you need to lean on!!

Some would call this irony, I like to call this God at work...
just minutes ago I received this message from a dear friend of mine whom I had just shared my Workman's comp. saga with...
she sent this...

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,
drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.
As they talked about life, about marriage,
about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood,
the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully
and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters,"
she advised, swirling the tea leaves
to the bottom of her glass.

"They'll be more important as you get older.
No matter how much you love your husband,
no matter how much you love the children you may have,
you are still going to need Sisters.
Remember to go places with them now and then;
do things with them.
"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...
your girlfriends, your daughters,
and all your other women relatives too.
"You'll need other women. Women always do."

"What a funny piece of advice!,
the young woman thought.
Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world?
I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake!
A grownup!
Surely my husband and the family we may start
will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!

But she listened to her Mother.
She kept contact with her Sisters
and made more women friends each year.
As the years tumbled by, one after another,
she gradually came to understand
that her Mom really knew what she was talking about!
As time and nature work their changes
and their mysteries upon a woman,
Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world,
here is what I've learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time
and how many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley
and you have to walk it by yourself,
the women in your life will be on the valley's rim,
cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,
and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...
Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,
sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins,
and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women,
and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood,
we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.

Pass this on to all the women
who help make your life meaningful.
I just did.


All though this story mentions children growing up and leaving home, and a lot of life's other milestones it doesn't begin to address the devestating grief that you and Ada now know and live with.

I am so, so terribly sorry for both of you, for the unfathomable loss that you both are trying to accept and learn how to live with; the moment to moment coping skills needed to get you through something this grievous are beyond my understanding.

I am so grateful for this community of sisters and brothers I can come to when my Spirit is crushed, and I am so grateful that we can all come here to seek support and understanding.This is a very special place!!

Take care of yourselves Di and Ada, allow yourselves to not be "the rock". You both need to allow yourselves all the feelings you need to feel, all the tears you need to cry, what ever it takes to allow yourselves to grieve this devastating loss; of which only time and healing will slowly and eventually dull the intensity. If you can find a support group that you are comfortable in, or a supportive church group, or women's group that could encourage you and help strengthen you, that could be very be helpful. Maybe they could be "the rock" for the time being...?

I will keep you both in my prayers!!

God Bless,

G ~

Di- I'm working on a photo siggy of De for you - I need to resize it yet

Ok I got it done- well 2 versions actually-




If anybody would like me to make one for them let me know what kind of background or colors you like.

Dear Di,

Althought I can not say I know what you are feeling, I myself have gone through too many tragedies. I have not lost a child, but have lost very close family members. My aunt went through losing two children....I saw first hand what it did to her. You have to grieve each day, one day at a time. Let it come and accept it's going to come. Each day will get a little easier for you in time. I wish there were magic words or pills that could take this pain away, but there isn't. Talk lots, laugh lots at those silly memories and talk to her as if she were by your side each and every day. Let those tears, anger and depression come, don't run away from it. Reach out to those that can help and support you, even if they don't completely understand you pain, having someone to just listen to you will make a difference. I so wish I could do more for you, but am here to lend supportive eyes (reading your throughts) and fingers to hopefully type you back some comforting words.
Rachael

Thanks Jo, can you pm or email the sig for me.or do I right click on it?
Today was really bad again. I did try so hard, I had to work,. I watched my grandson too.

I have doom and dreed feeling. My oldest is driving actross two states, and I am fretting. Must be normal under the circumstanse,
I just want to hold her so bad.
I am so sorry to be sounding so down, I really am trying. A good portion of the day is OK, but, still lurks the emptiness,

Right click should do it - I'll PM it too.